


Help! I Want My Mummy!

by FalseProphet (Batmanthegroomer)



Series: Practically Canon [1]
Category: Lupin III
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gore, M/M, Monster Gore, Multi, Supernatural things, bad guys get eaten, but maybe fluff, implied throughout that the quad sleep with each other for shits and giggles, jigoe, loopzoop, not like the show but like the setting, probably no porn which is odd for me, that kind of thing, that's an actual pairing name in the year 2019, the gang isn't quite human, transformations that are intended to be grotesque
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-10-10 09:22:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 56,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20525678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batmanthegroomer/pseuds/FalseProphet
Summary: When a priceless ancient manuscript goes missing from a Transylvanian museum, Inspector Zenigata knows just who's responsible! His investigation is stalled however when things start happening that just can't be explained. He has to turn to the one person he knows who can help... Toshiko Zenigata--His daughter!Humor, fluff, fight scenes, puns, you-shoulda-seen-it-coming's, some modernizing, demons, ghouls, ghasts and some big ol' crocodiles!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing for the Lupin fandom.
> 
> This isn't set in any particular time line or season. Toshiko is a main character (but to be 100% honest I haven't even seen the movie she's referenced in!). Some heists from the movie/show/manga may be mentioned but aren't required reading/watching to understand the main story.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zenigata isn't a connoisseur of fine coffees but this just leaves a bad taste in his mouth...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter has no real specific song so enjoy Zenigata's theme (Paris - Zach Nicita Remix) and Toshiko's theme (Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea)

Koichi Zenigata frowned at the mug of hot liquid set down before him. He thanked the waitress as politely as if it was a fine, expensive wine in spite of his reservations. As she walked away he leaned forward and sniffed at the rising steam. It certainly smelled like coffee and that was a start. The jet-lag was real and it was awful: He couldn’t recall the last time it had taken so long for him to adjust!

Transylvania. A real far-cry from his usual haunts. Truth be told--not that he ever would tell--he though Transylvania was a made-up place until he was in his early 30s. He just assumed it was part of the whole Dracula myth and wasn’t a real place. Being there didn’t make it feel any more real either to be fair. The place was like a constant horror-movie set complete with vision obscuring fog and unidentifiable animal noises all hours of the day and night. Not typical noises either like birds or crickets--screaming noises and cawing noises and sounds that made Zenigata pretty damned sure he’d overheard three murders in the last day and a half. 

The Interpol inspector carefully picked up the mug and took a testing sip. He winced a little at the heat and smacked his lips to air out the taste. He made a soft ‘hmm’: Not nearly as awful as he expected. Then again he was used to whatever the interns made at HQ.

He leaned back in his chair and rubbed at his head, his hat having been discarded on the table in front of him. He chanced another look around the pub for his contact but honestly had no idea what to expect. He was meeting with a local celebrity of sorts, the descendant of some kind of monster hunter or paranormal investigator or something. Unfortunately when he’d been talking to his daughter about it he tuned her out more than usual when a very interesting story had popped up on the news. 

Some group of ancient librarians and archeologists had uncovered an incredibly old manuscript--so old Zenigata had to actually look up the year to make sure it wasn’t a hoax and people had actually learned to read and write by that point. The catch about the book was that it was bound in gold-infused leather and written in gold ink. It was going to be displayed that weekend for the first time since it was uncovered five years ago. A gold infused book of that age was just about priceless--unless you knew a good fence, and Lupin iii certainly knew a fair number of good fences. It would be impossible for Lupin to resist.

It had just been a coincidence that Toshiko and her boss were planning to visit and see the book themselves. Zenigata still wasn’t entirely sure what his daughter did for a living--some kind of paranormal investigation, or mystery solving or something--but he supported her. She seemed happy and well-off financially so he really had no right to complain either.

He’d agreed to meet the two of them after arriving but now realized he was in a bit of a spot. He couldn’t recall having ever met Toshiko’s boss and it had been years since he’d actually seen his daughter he hoped he’d recognize her. They talked at least once a week but it was usually over emails and text--they hadn’t physically been in the same place at the same time in…

“Inspector… Zenigata?”

“Huh?” The Japanese man turned and found himself face-to-face with a short, very round man with tiny glasses rounder than he was. He had a kind face, though, lined with age and experience. Zenigata recognized the bags under his eyes as the kind one got when they were completely consumed with pursuit.

“Professor--” Zenigata held out his hand, blanking entirely on the man’s name.

“Stoker, Professor Graham Stoker,” the round man said with a smile, shaking Zenigata’s hand eagerly, “it is nice to finally put a face to the name. Toshiko talks about you all the time.”

“Oh?” Zenigata indicated the empty seat across from him, “y’know you gotta take all that with a grain of salt. Nobody talks fair about their parents,” he laughed sheepishly.

“On the contrary! She brags about her father--The great detective Zenigata.”

Zenigata felt his chest clench, a combination of love and guilt. He gave another laugh and took a sip of his coffee. This guy’s tweed jacket and old fashioned air definitely made him seem like the kind of guy to travel to a place like Transylvania for a book. Zenigata really did need to pay more attention when Toshiko talked about her job--he was dying to know exactly what this guy did. All he could imagine was Professor Stoker locked in some dark library reading away by candle light. He actually seemed like he’d fit in well in the museum, no wonder he was a local celebrity.

“Dad!”

Zenigata turned and brightened immediately, jumping to his feet and throwing open his arms. How had he ever imagined he wouldn’t recognize his own daughter? Toshiko looked just like he remembered! She still dressed just like him--minus the trenchcoat of course, she’d always said it was too much. She looked sharp in her buttoned vest, long sleeved shirt and slacks. Respectable, sensible. Her auburn hair--which Zenigata remembered being much longer--was tucked up under a hat just like his.

The duo hugged unabashedly, grinning in a manner that clearly indicated their relation to each other. Zenigata held his daughter at arms’ length after a second and clicked his tongue on the back of his teeth.

“Look at you, Toshiko! So sharp. Good thing you took after me; your mother had terrible fashion sense,” Zenigata ribbed playfully. 

A strange expression crossed Toshiko’s face but it was gone just as quickly as it came. She smirked and pulled off her hat, shaking loose her long hair. She looked much more Japanese than her father, taking after her mother’s side of the family. She took a seat as Zenigata pulled it out for her.

“To be fair her duty to the temple dictated most of what she was able to wear,” Toshiko admonished, still light and playful.

“How long has it been since we’ve actually, physically been in the same place?” Zenigata said wistfully.

“Too long,” Toshiko answered quickly, changing the subject just as briskly, “but it’s great we get to share this historic moment together.”

“Oh, right, yeah! The book,” Zenigata nodded and leaned back in his chair once more, “what exactly is your interest in it?” He indicated Toshiko and Professor Stoker curiously. He watched the duo look at each other knowingly, but Stoker let Toshiko do the talking.

“First and foremost I’ll admit to some selfish curiosity. This is one of the biggest discoveries in years and that alone I felt warranted a trip. Aside from that though, this book can teach us so much. They’ve only been able to translate small pieces of it and not even the world’s top linguists can decipher the rest. Professor Stoker and I have been granted a special audience with the curator and the book itself after the museum closes. We’re hoping some of our--”

“--unique experiences,” Professor Stoker provided.

“--will let us make sense of something. I don’t believe there is such a thing as a code that can’t be cracked or a language that can’t be learned.”

“Ahh, just like your mother. She was always into those kind of other worldly mysteries,” Zenigata smiled. 

“Can you really call them other worldly if they happened in this world?” Professor Stoker mused.

“That long ago and things would have looked like a different world, professor,” Toshiko glanced down at her cell phone. Zenigata tipped his head a little to try and see if he could see what she was looking at but had no luck.

“Our meeting with the curator is at 8pm tomorrow, dad, if you’d like to join us I’m sure they wouldn’t shy away from having extra security.”

“Oh--Yeah? You mean it?” Zenigata beamed. If Lupin iii got wind that there was going to be a special, private showing of the book that was the most obvious time to strike. Not that the inspector doubted Lupin’s ability--and reckless abandon--to take the piece in broad daylight in front of hundreds of people but Lupin liked to play smart too. If there was a way to get someone to walk the prize right to him then that was the way he’d take. 

“I’m not sure it will be incredibly interesting for you but we’ve got years to make up for,” Toshiko grinned.

“Years,” Zenigata frowned, he felt that old black guilt settling in his gut once more.

“You’ve been busy; I’ve been busy. That’s what it’s like being an adult,” Toshiko excused quickly, once more changing the subject. “If you don’t have plans for this afternoon, Professor Stoker knows the guide on the Dracula tour. He offered to get us a private group.”

“I also know the best place for lunch,” Professor Stoker said cheerfully, patting his stomach, “and you can trust I know food!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin's going to really get himself into trouble one of these days, and what kind of fun would that be!?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme so enjoy Lupin's theme (Never Dance Again -- Battle Tapes Remix), Fujiko's theme (Earthbound), Jigen's theme (Cheap Thrills) and Goemon's theme (Go West Young Man (Predator)).

"I am not stealing a book," Goemon growled low.

"But it's an old book--really old!" Lupin whined.

"Yeah but how much gold can there honestly be in that thing?" Jigen sighed, "hardly worth the effort."

"I don't think you firmly grasp just how old this thing is," Lupin pleaded.

"And? What are we supposed to do with a really old book, Lupin?" Fujiko laughed, "display it? You can't wear a book to a party and you can't even really brag about it because there's only one and everyone will know it's stolen."

"You guys are killin' me! Where's your sense of adventure! You telling me you really don't wanna do this--just to prove you /can/?!"

There was a pause before the trio all fell into peels of laughter, even Goemon. Lupin crossed his arms over his chest in an exaggerated pout. Wiping a tear from his eye Jigen walked over and patted Lupin on the shoulder.

"You do what you gotta do, man. We'll sit this one out."

"With modern technology the thrill of the hunt is now tainted with the knowledge that something must be earned in order to off set the risk," Goemon said sagely.

"You always said money was meaningless," Lupin continued in a whine.

"One cannot buy sake with wisdom alone."

"Did you really just bring us all out to Transyl-freaking-vania for a book?" Jigen paused in pouring himself a large glass of whiskey from the hotel mini bar.

"I mean… I thought you guys would be excited. Security is amped to the max! This place has catacombs and watery pit falls and maze-like corridors--"

"--and a bunch of stuffy old educational stuff that won't earn us any money," Fujiko grumbled.

"Geez, when did you all get so boring," Lupin waved dismissively as he turned for the door. 

"Bring me back a champagne!" Fujiko shouted at the theif's back, "the stuff in this hotel is cheap."

'When did they turn into such fuddy duddies!' Lupin mused angrily to himself as he stalked down the hallway. They used to raise all kinds of hell just for the sake of it but now…

The gentleman thief slipped his forlorn frame into the elevator. 

"Going down?"

Lupin looked up and over, having momentarily forgotten to check the elevator over for other users. To his surprise a sharply dressed auburn haired woman shared the small space with him. She was dressed in masculine Victorian-style finery and it fit her well. Lupin's mood lifted a little as he met her gaze.

'Not until after dinner,' was thought but not said aloud. Instead he opted for the much softer: "You read my mind. Lobby floor, please."

As the woman 'hmm'd and nodded, Lupin studied her in quick glances so as not to look like a creep. There was something about this woman that was achingly familiar. It was almost like he knew her--and well--but had somehow forgotten. She felt like a friend from childhood that one loses touch with only to stumble upon many years later. She was Japanese, though maybe a little mixed heritage in the color of her hair. Lupin tried to recall the last time he'd spent more than a passing day or two in Japan.

“I--I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude but, have we met?”

Lupin’s inner thoughts were interrupted as the woman suddenly turned to him. She was studying him in the same way he’d been studying her. She fixed him with curious eyes ribboned with long lashes. Lupin smirked.

“I was just thinking the same thing!” He laughed and held out his hand for an introduction as the elevator ‘ding’ed arrival at a lower floor.

“Ahh, Toshiko, good,” the stout man in glasses hummed as he walked on. He was either completely unaware that he’d interrupted something or did not care in the slightest.

A shock ran up Lupin’s spine and he could feel his brain stutter to catch up. He knew that name. Not only did he know that name but he suddenly remembered exactly why he knew that name. He withdrew his hand and made a loud groan, slapping his hand to his forehead.

“Oh, darn, I just remembered… I left my wallet in my room. Prime me--always forgetting something. If you’ll uh--excuse me,” he gave Toshiko and her plump companion a soft bow before darting into the hallway just as the elevator doors attempted to close.

He took a few more steps as he watched the numbers above the door light up two more floors. He felt that was safe enough and he took in a slow breath, leaning against the wall. That had been close! Toshiko was Zenigata’s daughter’s name--and that had to be her! That’s why she looked familiar but Lupin couldn’t place her. He’d never met her before but she looked enough like her father to ring bells Lupin couldn’t name. It would be no good to let Zenigata know he was here… yet.

Having his supposed friends turn him down had just thrown him off his rhythm, that was all. He just needed to clear his head. He shoved his hands into his pockets and started towards the stairwell--at least he’d have a nice long walk to get himself together.

“Was that who I think it was?” Professor Stoker asked once the elevator doors closed. He glanced at Toshiko sidelong as she nodded.

“Indeed it was,” Toshiko’s voice and tone sounded nothing like it did when she’d spoken with Lupin, or her father for that matter, “the Gentleman Thief himself… Lupin the Third.”

“How much does your father know about him, do you think?”

“Oh he knows nothing aside from what he can see. I love my father but he’s always been a bit oblivious to things outside the realm he’s most comfortable with.” 

“Interesting, so he doesn’t realize--?” Professor Stoker tapped at his wrist as if asking for the time. Toshiko shook her head.

“No, I don’t think he has a clue he’s been on Lupin’s tail for over fifty years,” Toshiko sighed and crossed her arms over her chest. “He and my mother don’t talk so he has no real frame of reference. Interpol agents retire and change cases so frequently he doesn’t even have coworkers to compare to.”

“We need to be careful then, when we break the news to him,” Stoker said firmly, placing a hand on Toshiko’s arm, “we could seriously damage his psyche.”

Toshiko nodded.

“He needs to know. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make him understand the truth.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jigen probably has a promising career as a Chip 'N Dales dancer...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Cheap Thrills.

Jigen narrowed his eyes in serious concentration and glanced over his hand at his playing companions. Both Goemon and Fujiko had amazing poker faces. Goemon never had any expression on his face ever (a slight exaggeration but only slight). Fujiko was exactly the opposite; it was as if she knew she wore her thoughts on her face so she always looked like the cat that got the canary. Jigen was in for a hell of a game with these two. The stakes were especially high considering there was literally nothing else to do--and they’d all checked. For all it’s horror movie glory there was nothing at all to do in Transylvania.

The gunman leaned back in his chair and made a very obnoxiously loud hum of concentration. He heard Fujiko sigh in response; Goemon, as usual, was silent.

“Oh give it a rest Jigen,” Fujiko threatened, waving her closed hand of cards at him, “it’s your turn and you’re holding up the game.”

“Yeah yeah, just gimme a minute here, I gotta weigh my options.”

“Astounding. Suddenly you are concerned with consequences.”

“There’s a lot at stake here,” Jigen growled through gritted teeth. He reached for a card and saw both Fujiko and Goemon lean forward a little so he reconsidered and dropped his hand. Fujiko just about threw her cards in the air.

“Just lay down a card already!” She shrieked.

“Jigen. Pick a card. Or I. Shall pick one. For you.” Goemon threatened, putting his thumb on the hilt of his sword.

“Ok ok ok, all right!” Jigen sighed and set down a card, “there.”

“Tck, hardly worth all the drama,” Fujiko muttered, “Goemon please liven things up.”

“I feel I have no choice,” Goemon sighed, shaking his head, “Jigen has effectively removed my options. I must… draw a card,” the stoic man closed his eyes in defeat and lowered his head.

“Ha!” Jigen barked, pointing across the table, “the haori.”

Goemon grimaced and unfolded his legs, standing stiffly. With an expression not unlike a man before the gallows he began removing his haori.

“Oh come on, Goemon,” Fujiko laughed, “no showmanship?”

“Yeah, you gotta do it slowly,” Jigen purred, laughing as he sipped his whiskey.

“I will remove my clothing in any way I see fit,” Goemon barked, cheeks red in spite himself, “this is an act of defeat not foreplay.”

“So says you,” Fujiko snorted.

Goemon glanced away from his companions as he carefully folded the haori over the back of his chair. He still maintained a forced indignant air as he sat back down--barely nude. He crossed his arms over his chest and huffed.

“Satisfied?”

“Hardly,” Fujiko pouted.

“Hey, man, you agreed to play strip Uno. You can’t get bent outta shape when you lose,” Jigen shrugged.

“I am not bent out of shape,” Goemon narrowed his eyes at Jigen, “I was simply biding my time until I revealed that you and Fujiko are cheating.”

“What!” Fujiko gasped.

“Hey!” Jigen retorted.

“Oh please,” Goemon rolled his eyes, “Jigen you have at least one card in your coat pocket, and Fujiko your breasts are not quite big enough to hide the Wild Card between them.”

Jigen chuckled after a pause and plucked the offending card from his breast pocket, Fujiko did the same.

“Fine, fine,” Jigen held up his hands, grinning, “you caught us.”

“Disrobe!” Goemon barked triumphantly.

“Fair is fair,” Fujiko shrugged at Jigen.

Goemon’s expression turned smug as both Fujiko and Jigen stood up. Fujiko slipped her blouse over her head, revealing a rather skin-tight tank top. Jigen shrugged out of his jacket and chucked it across the room towards the coat hanger. It missed and crumpled to the floor. Jigen glanced over at Fujiko.

“I’m disappointed. Since when do you wear anything under your blouse?”

“Pervert,” Fujiko stuck her tongue out at the gunman.

“You think Lupin’s safe out there?” Jigen prodded as the game resumed.

“Oh he’s fine, the big baby,” Fujiko said dismissively, looking through her cards.

“Yes, probably still pouting that we did not agree to his heist.”

“Still… it was nice of him to pay to bring us all out here, just to hang out--more or less.”

“A heist under this kind of security is considered hanging out?” Goemon tilted his head to the side.

“No, he’s right Goemon,” Fujiko slid her fingers over a couple cards in her hand cautiously, “there’s no way Lupin really expected any of us to agree to steal that book. He’s either got something else planned or he’s lost his mind--it happens every few years.”

“What else could he possibly want out here?” Goemon mused, watching Fujiko take her turn.

“Beats me,” Jigen leaned forward as if it would help him play better, “with Lupin you never really know. Even after a few decades with the guy he still manages to surprise me.” The gunman paused, “crap.”

“It’s an odd place for a vacation if you ask me,” Fujiko crossed her legs at the ankle and pulled them into the chair with her.

Jigen picked up a card and set aside his hand as he stood up. 

“I’ll bet he’s got something up his sleeve, some big score he’s trying to build up,” Fujiko’s eyes wandered around Jigen’s knuckles as he began undoing the buttons of his shirt.

“For him to give us the run-around like this I will admit I am concerned about what the real hit could be,” Goemon too was lost in watching Jigen’s hands move.

“He has been in one of his moods recently,” Fujiko continued, leaning onto the arm rest, “maybe we are being too hard on him.”

“Lupin knows what is at risk now-a-days,” Goemon tilted his head to the other side as Jigen’s shirt flapped open and he began working on his cuffs, “not only do we have to dodge the police but any footage of us that ends up in the wrong place, in the wrong hands, could spell disaster.”

“Things used to be so much simpler,” Fujiko mused wistfully, eyes moving over a few scars along Jigen’s side.

“There is only so much even we can do to distort recordings now,” Goemon’s eyes darted up to Jigen’s face as he draped the shirt over the back of the chair and sat back down.

“That’s humanity for you,” the gunman joined in at last, “always changing and advancing.”

“Har har har,” Fujiko placed her cards down on the table, “I need a refill. Anyone else?”

“No, thank you,” Goemon glanced at the sake bottle by his feet.

“Yeah, I’m fine, thanks,” Jigen tipped his half-full glass towards Fujiko.

“Breeding season’s a few months away yet, Goemon,” Jigen said as he smirked and tilted the brim of his hat up to look at the other man, “keep it in your fundoshi.”

Goemon scoffed and turned his head. 

“Uh, boys?” Fujiko called from the window near the mini-bar, “we may have a small problem…”

Goemon and Jigen looked at one another before standing and joining her. They peered out in the direction of the front parking deck where Fujiko pointed. It didn’t take them long to see what she’d seen.

“Crap,” Jigen growled. 

“I am not surprised,” Goemon frowned as he watched Zenigata glance nervously around the parking lot before slipping into a taxi.

“I am,” Fujiko leaned back against the mini bar.

“Why?”

“He’s obviously here to protect the book from Lupin tomorrow,” Fujiko began, watching for the lightbulb over the men’s heads. When it didn’t go off she sighed and continued, “a book we had no interest in stealing. A book not worth stealing--a book not even Lupin should rightly want to steal.”

“What’s your point, woman?” Jigen bit after a second or two.

“How did Zenigata know Lupin would be coming for this book if we didn’t even know? What makes Zenigata so sure Lupin would want the book?”

“It is a priceless artifact?” Goemon offered.

“See that’s just the thing: priceless. Lupin stands to gain nothing from this book. How did the old man figure Lupin would be interested?”

“She’s got a point,” Jigen mused, watching the taxi pull away, “someone should text Lupin--in case he hasn’t seen our dear old inspector yet.”

“Not me,” Goemon said quickly, retreating from the window in a huff, “I cut my phone in half last night.”

“Could you not get the alarm to stop?” Fujiko teased.

“No. I could not.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zenigata just doesn't like horses--and Lupin makes a surprise appearance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme so enjoy Zenigata's theme (Paris - Zach Nicita Remix) and Toshiko's (Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea).

Zenigata shifted atop the rather uncomfortable carriage bench. He’d been forced into more uncomfortable situations but somehow this whole antique carriage setup was worse than a cramped squad car or a tight stake-out. Professor Stoker’s contact was unable to join them on their tour but had still arranged for a private guide. The trio sat in the back of a carriage while the guide remained outside, speaking occasionally into an intercom system when something of note came up along the road. Mostly it was just information on the Dracula legend, myths, facts, etc. It was fairly easy to tune out the static-filled voice.

“So, Inspector,” Toshiko said with a smile at her father, “how goes the Lupin chase?”

“Huh? Oh, that,” Zenigata laughed and shook his head, “hot on his trail as always. He’s smart, I’ll give him that, but I may have finally one upped him. This isn’t his usual type of target so I don’t think he’ll be expecting me to be here, least of all expecting me to cut him off and finally put him behind bars.”

“You say,” interrupted Professor Stoker politely, stuffing a pipe full of crushed tobacco, “this isn’t his usual type of target.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“So what makes you so certain he will be here?”

“Oh, I know Lupin better than I know myself, Professor,” Zenigata grinned wide, “he’ll be here. See every now and then he’s gotta do something particularly stupid and reckless just to prove he can. He’ll sneak into protected areas and take a picture, or move some artifact just slightly off where it was, that kind of thing. It’s all just a game to him. He just needs the confirmation, the ego stroke, that he can still get away with stuff like that.” Zenigata paused and rubbed at the back of his neck, “I think he also does it to get at me. It’s like he’s laughing in my face… Showing off how much he can get away with even if there’s no real gain for him.”

“Interesting,” the professor hummed heavily. He glanced up at met Toshiko’s eyes with a secret of some kind. Zenigata’s gaze had drifted towards the rolling hills and he missed the exchange.

“You sure know a lot about him,” Toshiko pressed, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.

“Well of course I do! I’ve been on his case so long. I’m the only person in the world who’s got any chance of catching him. Unfortunately in my line of work you gotta get real close to the bad guys, ‘shiko,” Zenigata gave his daughter a look that was a little martyr-like, “I don’t like knowing how guys like him think but if I couldn’t predict his moves… I wouldn’t be a very good cop.”

“You’re absolutely right,” Stoker interjected energetically, leaning forward to pat Zenigata’s knee like a parent would their child, “you’ll get him some day.”

“Uh, yeah,” Zenigata nodded, feeling a little singled out all of the sudden. He pointed at his daughter and then wagged his finger between her and the professor. “So remind me again what it is that you two actually do?” 

“We’re investigators, much like you Inspector,” the professor began, sucking fruitlessly at his pipe before popping it out of his mouth for inspection.

“Only we tackle things that seem to elude other branches of law enforcement,” Toshiko said with a grin, “not that the boys in blue don’t do a marvelous job. It’s kind of like… branches of the government that deal with behavioral studies, or specific types of crime, or like you with Lupin. It is a very narrow window of things that we investigate so we can focus on learning all we can about… these sorts of crimes to better solve the problems and apprehend those responsible,” Toshiko’s voice drifted off as she realized she was rambling a little.

“It’s stuff like occult though, right?” Zenigata pressed, trying not to sound as though he put not stock in the work, “like uh… hauntings and spirits and stuff?”

“You could say that,” Stoker added, having given up on his pipe for the time being, “a far cry from Ghost Busters though. We are based solely in science.”

“So like… aliens?”

“After everything that you’ve seen, inspector, is it really so hard to believe that there might be something else out there?” Stoker continued, watching Zenigata’s face carefully, “I don’t mean your… childhood tales of ghosts rattling chains and witches with noses covered in warts, I mean very old beings. Older than humanity even. Beings that walk among us, blending in, only visible to those who know where to look--or what to look for! Beings who thrive on chaos and pushing boundaries. Beings who seem to delight in putting good, hard working people through paces merely for their own amusement.” Stoker narrowed his eyes a little, “is it really so hard to believe? Why--you may have even met one.”

“Huh. Yeah I don’t think so--that I’ve met one that is. I think I’d know if I came across somebody like that,” Zenigata pushed his hat up on his head a little to scratch at his temple. “Though I guess it’s not completely unbelievable. There are a lot of really old places on this planet that seem to have uh… a lot of power. Even for someone as educated as me there’s some stuff you just can’t explain.” He paused, “is that why you’re really here to look at this book?”

“Yes,” Toshiko answered quickly, giving her boss a look that seemed to Zenigata as if Stoker had crossed some kind of invisible line. “We think some of the untranslated bits are in a language that is known to some of these beings,” she paused and pulled out a book from the bag at her side. She flipped through a few pages and then held it out for her father. “They look a great deal like some of these writings and are dated around the same time, as best we can tell from promotional images that is.”

Zenigata carefully took the book and turned it around. Though he really didn’t buy much of what the duo were selling--and furthermore he had no idea how anyone made a liveable wage on that kind of work--he had always been devoted to Toshiko. He wanted to make up for all the lost time he’d spent chasing Lupin and really engage with her. If he could have a better understanding of what she was looking for then maybe he could help.

All of that hopefulness went out the window as he studied the book before him. He could speak, read and write in five languages but this was altogether alien. He wasn’t even sure how to begin reading the hieroglyphic like language before him. He traced a finger over the picture as if that would help.

“Wow uh, where--what’s this picture of?”

“That is a religious text we found in a nearly entirely buried temple in Japan; only the tops of a few archways let us know to dig,” Stoker leaned back in his chair.

“What’s it say?” Zenigata asked, intrigued in spite himself.

“It’s hard to make a direct translation here, I’m afraid. We think it was originally translated into an old Japanese dialect that is no longer spoken--so we have to translate it through two practically dead languages in order to make sense of it--but, we think it talks about a sort of possession or impregnation bringing about the end times.”

“Ahh, right. A lot of those old cultures were really into Armageddon and the end times, huh?” Zenigata carefully handed the book back, “are you two gonna be able to translate this new--er, old--book in one night?”

“Oh heavens’ no!” Stoker laughed. “We’re mostly here to see if our suspicions are correct. It would take months even with our lexicon to translate anything of this magnitude, perhaps even years! If we like what we see then we will arrange a combination of regular visits to study and a series of photography sessions.”

“We’ll have to pick our photographers and equipment very carefully so as not to damage the book. It will be a huge undertaking,” Toshiko confirmed, nodding and smiling at Stoker.

“Well I certainly hope you find what you’re lookin’ for,” Zenigata grinned, “and trust me--I won’t let Lupin anywhere near this thing!”

Lupin slowly eased his finger off the intercom button and grimaced. The whole heist had just taken a very dangerous turn and he knew the rest of the crew was not going to be happy. Especially considering he had not changed his mind about taking the book--he just knew they wouldn’t like the added risk. 

He shifted the reigns in his hands and cleared his throat.

“--and if you’ll look over to your left you’ll see--”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All the eye bleach in the world probably wouldn't save Jigen now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Contagious.

Jigen yawned, touched his ears to his shoulders to stretch his neck and lit up a cigarette. He heard a tsk of disgust from Goemon by the TV, though the samurai had not opened his eyes. In fact Jigen had been sure he was sleeping until that second.

“Fine,” the gunman snorted, “I’ll take it to go.” He moved to wave at Fujiko but upon realizing she actually was sleeping he decided against it.

The hotel hallway was thematically dark and spooky. It was the only hotel in the area that was not part of a larger chain of hotels and that made it a great spot for Lupin to set them up. Chain hotels just had so much else going on that a cheaper dive usually made more sense. It wasn’t like they needed heavier security afterall.

Jigen stepped onto the crushed velvet carpets--red and gold, of course--and headed towards the elevator. He paused about halfway there and pressed his tongue to the back of cigarette in his mouth. Elevator would be rude--stairs it was. It wasn’t as if he had anywhere to be.

He turned on his heel and paused mid-step. He could have sworn he heard a small gasp in the air as he spun, as if… As if the person following him hadn’t expected it. Hadn’t expected it and didn’t wish to be seen. He narrowed his eyes and scanned the hallway studiously. There really weren’t many places to hide it was a freaking hotel hallway. Maybe he’d just been hearing things?

He stuffed his hands into his pockets and started a slow, deliberate pace towards the stairs. He considered briefly as he passed his room that he could pop his head in and warn the others to keep an eye out but he knew it would take something outlandish to catch both Fujiko and Goemon off-guard. He knew they could handle themselves.

As he reached to push open the door at the stairwell he heard a room lock activate and he froze. He tilted his head over his right shoulder and listened--no squeaking of a door, no jiggling of a handle, no muffled stomp of a shoe. He turned his head a little more and glanced down into the hallway…

Empty.

‘C’mon Jigen, you’re just lettin’ the forced vibes of this place get to you,’ he admonished himself. He snorted aloud and stepped into the stairwell. He took a long drag from his cigarette and leaned his elbows onto the railing. He let out a long, slow puff and crossed his feet at the ankles.

Against his better judgement he closed his eyes and then opened his /eyes/. Three ethereal eyes--one on either temple and one right at the center of his hairline--slowly pried open, blinking like they weren’t quite ready to wake up yet. He rolled them back into his head and his vision followed, showing him the roof of the stairwell and then the door through which he’d just entered. 

He concentrated and his vision penetrated through the wooden door as easily as if someone had held it open for him. 

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered aloud.

He was being followed. There was a woman walking slowly down the hallway, almost tip-toeing in a cartoonish fashion. She was clearly not used to being sneaky. She was, well, average really in every way--not to be meant as an insult--simply that Jigen would not have noticed her in a crowd and it played in her favor if she was going to be sneaking around. The gunman watched her cautiously look down the hallway multiple times as she approached the stairwell door. Slowly she leaned against it and pressed her ear up against it.

Jigen closed his eyes and re-opened the others. He climbed up onto the railing and hauled himself up silently to the floor above. His lanky limbs easily permitting him to step over it as if it were nothing. He snuffed out his cigarette on the ground beside him and pressed himself to the far back wall next to the roof access door.

It wasn’t long after that when the click below him signalled she had opened the door. To her credit he could tell she muted it with her hands as best she could. He listened as she stepped into the stairwell and assisted the door in closing behind her just as quietly as she could. She stepped towards the edge of the stairwell and leaned over to glance down carefully, making sure to check the light source first to ensure she wouldn’t cast a huge shadow.

Jigen sauntered forward and leaned against the railing above her nonchalantly.

“Y’know I gotta give you credit lady,” he purred, watching the woman jolt, “it takes a special kind of crazy to sneak up on me. You made some rookie mistakes but I’ll give you a 7 out of 10 for effort. Taking your shoes off before you entered the stairwell though? That’s A plus material.”

As the woman stuttered some kind of surprised excuse Jigen flipped himself over the railing. He swung and landed in front of her, tipping his hat up just enough to get a good look at her. She pressed her back to the wall and glanced to the door.

“Ah ah ah,” Jigen warned, wagging a finger and sliding his jacket back just enough to show the holster of his gun, “that would be a mistake I think.”

“I… I know this looks bad,” the woman said.

“Found your voice at last, did’ya?”

“I just wanted to… warn you,” she continued, slipping on her shoes though her eyes never left Jigen’s.

“Right. I hear that a lot from people trying not to let me know they’re behind me. It’s the best way to warn someone, it seems.”

“I needed to make sure you were who I thought you were before I gave myself away,” the woman continued.

“Ok, I’ll bite then. Warn me about what?”

“The thing your friend is going to steal,” she said, walking forward a step and lowering her voice, “it’s not a toy. It’s not--not some kind of status symbol,” her voice took on a sharp tone, “it’s a very powerful weapon. You, him, the lot of you being what you are--it is a dangerous book. You need to leave it be or you could… You could…” she looked away.

Jigen frowned. He wasn’t buying her false apprehension at all. In fact he was starting to suspect the whole thing was an act, even the poor attempt at sneaking around. She was a little too calm, a little too practiced and way too knowledgeable.

“End the world?” Jigen supplied. The woman slowly looked up at him.

“Or worse,” she whispered ominously. 

“Well, thanks for the warning. I promise to pass it along next time I see him,” Jigen patted his holster and pointed to the door. The woman nodded and turned to leave. She pressed open the door and paused before stepping out.

“One last word of caution,” she turned over her shoulder, dusty blond hair looking red in the dramatic lighting from beyond the stairwell, “most of the myths about Transylvania are exaggerated and mostly for show--but for… creatures like you? This place can be very, very dangerous.”

Jigen narrowed his eyes but the woman was through the door before he could respond. She had certainly let down her guard at the end and Jigen knew a threat when he heard one. He had no idea who the broad was but now he knew she was up to no good. She might even be after the book herself and trying to scare Lupin away. In either case it was exactly the kind of thing that ruined Jigen’s mood even on the best of days.

“Just what kind of crap did you step in, Lupin,” he grumbled to himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin is lucky he's cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme so enjoy Lupin's theme (Never Dance Again - Battle Tapes Remix), Fujiko's theme (Earthbound), Jigen's theme (Cheap Thrills) and Goemon's theme (Go West Young Man (Predator)).

The air inside the hotel room was tense and thick. Jigen had reported to Goemon and Fujiko what he’d heard in the stairwell and it did not go over well. The trio had argued with each other--fruitlessly--for almost a full hour before deciding without Lupin it would be useless to argue any further. So they sat in silence like brooding children waiting for Lupin.

“Geez,” Lupin purred as he opened the door and laid eyes on his companions, “I understand it’s hard to have fun without me around but you guys could at least try.”

“Lupin, sit down,” Jigen growled, pointing to the empty couch. It was universally agreed upon by the group that Lupin was afforded the couch in any arrangement. It was hard to predict just what kind of ‘sitting’ he would do--most of the time it was leaning, then slouching, then stretching out, then upside-down--and so the couch was always the safest bet.

“Am I in trouble mommy?” Lupin laughed, dropping down into the couch. He leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “All right, what’d I do this time?”

“You have to drop this book heist,” Goemon began sternly, “it is not worth the risk.”

“Uhh, no,” Lupin shook his head.

“Lupin there are bigger, better things out there,” Fujiko pleaded, “things that are shiny and glittery and beautiful.”

“Noted, but we have all the time in the world to go after those, Fuji-cakes.”

“Lupin cut the bull crap,” Jigen slammed his fist into the armrest of his chair. “You always do this--you always fly off half cocked and get yourself into all kinds of trouble. I got threatened by a woman in the stairwell over this book. A woman who knows too much--way too much,” Jigen said pointedly, fixing his gaze on Lupin. “I’m putting down a bet she’s after this book herself and needs you out of the picture.”

Lupin smiled and opened his mouth to speak but he was immediately hit in the face with a pillow by Goemon.

“Lupin this is not a challenge you need to meet,” the samurai growled, “this is a warning you should heed.”

“Please Lupin, give it up, for me?” Fujiko leaned over towards Lupin as he stuffed the pillow into his lap.

“Aww, guys, it’s so nice to see you’re all so concerned,” he placed a hand over his heart, “I’m touched.”

“Touched enough to actually listen to us for once?” Jigen growled, showing teeth that were, perhaps, just a step outside of normal.

“I’ll uh… I’ll think it over,” Lupin said sheepishly, wincing a little as the trio groaned almost in unison. “Look I’m careful! You know I’m careful! I have to do this.”

“You don’t have to do shit, Lupin!” Jigen balled his hands into fists, shaking all over slightly.

“It is not you we worry about, it is everyone else,” Goemon stuffed his hands into his haori sleeves, “this woman knows too much. She is a far deadlier foe then Zenigata. You need to take this seriously.”

“I am--I mean, I am I promise,” Lupin put his hand back over his heart. 

“We care about you, Lupin,” Fujiko continued in a soft voice, “but if you screw this up you could seriously cause problems for all of us,” her voice deeped a little as she crawled towards him, “and I’ll be damned if your little pissing contest with Zenigata puts a bigger price on my head.” Fujiko reached up and patted Lupin’s cheek as he leaned away.

“Sheesh you guys are really worked up over this, aren’t you?” Lupin gave a nervous chuckle and scooted away from Fujiko. “How is it that a threat from some gal in a stairwell has shaken you all up like this?”

“It wasn’t just some gal, Lupin, that’s the point!” Jigen wagged a finger at the thief, “she knows we aren’t human you buffon. She’s dangerous! If she knows that she may know other things, like oh--I don’t know--how to actually kill us once and for all?”

Lupin frowned and nodded a little.

“All right, I hear you,” he held up his hands, “I’ll drop it, all right?”

“Good, I’m glad we could--” Jigen stood.

“If--”

“Damnit, Lupin,” Goemon grumbled.

“If you come with me tomorrow to see the book--in public!--while it’s on display. I mean, we did come all the way out here for it… it would be a shame to not get a good look at it at the very least.”

Fujiko dropped her face into one of the pillows and made a series of muffled noises. Goemon cracked open an eye and looked up at Jigen as the gunman let his head fall back and growled low.

“No funny business?”

“Scouts’ Honor!” Lupin closed his eyes and drew an X over his chest.

“Fine. We go see the book with you and you promise not to steal it,” Jigen held out his hand.

Lupin smirked and took the offered agreement.

“Man you guys sure know how to break a guy down,” Lupin sighed, glancing over at Fujiko still sprawled on her stomach across the couch. “Not much to do around here if we’re not plotting a caper though.”

“Eh, it’s atmospheric,” Jigen moved towards the minibar. 

“We could try and find out more about this woman,” Goemon offered, shrugging his hands free of his clothing, “if she knows who we are, and why Lupin might have dragged us here, it might be a good idea to find out more about her.”

“I’m with Goemon,” Fujiko said, pushing herself up onto her elbows, “I don’t like knowing someone out there knows more about me than I know about them.”

“Yeah, I s’pose it couldn’t hurt to do a little old school investigating,” Jigen agreed.

“Did she seem familiar at all?” Lupin pressed.

“I mean no, not really,” Jigen shrugged, “she was really non-descript if I’m being blunt. She wouldn’t stand out in a crowd--point-to-average in every sense.”

“No distinguishing characteristics, tattoos, jewelry?” Fujiko rolled onto her back, kicking her legs over the arm rest.

“Nada,” Jigen shrugged, “she put on a good show though. Seemed like she was kind of an idiot right up until the end. I think she wanted me to think she was harmless but I feel like it’s exactly the opposite.”

“Wonderful,” Goemon took the glass of sake Jigen handed him, “that really is not much to go on.”

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t get her key or room number. I was too busy trying not to get killed, as usual,” Jigen flopped into his chair.

“You think she’s staying on this floor?”

“It would make sense, but again I’m just not freaking sure,” Jigen sipped at his whiskey. “I did hear a room door unlock but I didn’t see anything. By the time I really, ahem, looked, she was already in the hallway. It’s too big a coincidence if she’s staying on this floor so she might be packing up now that she knows we know she’s here.”

“Very true. If she knows the truth of our nature than she knows she is dealing with no small amount of power,” Goemon uncurled his legs and shook his head, “she may have been in the right place at the right time.”

“Hmm,” Lupin tapped at his chin, “yeah I think that’s a safe bet. She probably doesn’t have a room up here. She was probably trying to figure out what room we were in when Jigen stepped out and interrupted her snooping.”

“That means she’s got to know somebody who works at the hotel,” Fujiko supplied, resting her chin in her hand, “there’s nowhere for her to have hid in that hallway. Either she’s not fully human either or she’s got a contact who gave her some room keys.”

“She’s got an in at the inn,” Lupin snickered, enduring a whack on the thigh from Fujiko.

“How about we split up then? Do some old school recon? Fuji-cakes, you tackle the staff downstairs, see if you can find us a weak link. Jigen, post up downstairs in the lobby and keep an eye out for our mystery woman. Goemon, you’re bait here in the room in case she comes back by.”

“What about you, Lupin?” Fujiko stood and stretched.

“I’m gonna start up that top-floor window cleaning business I always wanted to start.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin tends to outdo himself. It's a good thing he's got level-headed people like Goemon on his team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Go West Young Man (Predator).

“Oh--Oh! Excuse me!” Fujiko shouted, waving frantically as she darted down the hallway. The accosted bell hop glanced over from where he was emptying a hallway trash can.

“Uh, yes?”

“Oh this is so embarrassing but I--I seem to have lost my room key,” Fujiko panted as she approached him. She tucked an errant hair behind her ear and chewed on her bottom lip for a second, “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Oh, don’t be!” The bell hop assured, wide eyed, “it happens to everyone.”

“Thanks, that makes me feel so much better,” Fujiko batted her eyelashes coyly.

“Just head on down to the front desk. Give them your room number and they’ll get you a new key card.”

“Oh no! I couldn’t possibly go down there. I’d look so silly and stupid, announcing to everyone I’d lost my room key. I try to be so put together it would… it’s just too much,” Fujiko chewed on her bottom lip once more clasping her hands at her throat.

“Well… that’s where they keep the key cards, miss,” the bellhop said with a frown, eyes never leaving Fujiko.

“I--I understand,” Fujiko whimpered, defeated, “th-thank you,” she turned to leave.

“W-wait,” the bellhop reached out and gently took Fujiko’s arm, “you know uhm--my cart’s almost full and I have to head down to the front desk anyway. Why don’t you tell me your room number and I’ll just bring your key up to you?”

“Oh! Would you?” Fujiko turned and grabbed the man’s hand in both of her’s, bringing it pointedly towards her… /heart/. The man--little more than a boy, really--blushed deep red.

“It’s no problem, really. It wouldn’t be the first time today either,” he said with a slight laugh.

“Oh?” Fujiko pressed, swallowing her triumphant smirk, “you do this for pretty girls often?”

“Hardly!” The bellhop laughed and then cleared his throat, “it’s just some odd thing that happened this morning. I won’t bother you with the details.”

“Why not? You know people don’t come to Transylvania unless they like a little odd,” Fujiko slowly let his hand slip from her’s, giving him a wink.

“Ahh you have a point!” The bellhop leaned a little closer and Fujiko played along, glancing down the hallway as if to make sure no one was listening in.

“Earlier this morning I had another woman--not nearly as pretty as you, miss--track me down. She’d lost her key card and had a bit of an emergency and needed to get back in right away,” the bellhop gestured to his shirt and Fujiko didn’t follow completely but assumed perhaps some kind of wardrobe malfunction was involved, “so I offered to run down and grab it for her. My buddy--another staff member--was cleaning out the elevator and recognized the woman. He said it was the museum curator herself!”

“The museum curator?” Fujiko parroted, genuinely confused and intrigued.

“Mmhmm, the museum that’s got that big unveiling tomorrow. See, the odd thing about it is that she actually lives /in/ the museum. There’s a whole wing for her and a few of the security guards. There is absolutely no reason why she’d need to take out a hotel room the day before a huge to do at her own museum!”

“That… that is odd!” Fujiko agreed, once more entirely genuine. 

“We talked about it for the rest of his shift but couldn’t come up with any explanation other than,” he leaned even closer, lowering his voice even further, “an affair.”

“Oooh,” Fujiko agreed with a giggle, leaning back and away.

“So uh, my shift is almost over. I could meet you up at your room with the key and uh--”

“Oh!” Fujiko reached into her back pocket, “would you look at that--here it is right here!” She waved her card key in the air and laughed once more. “I swear I would forget my head if it wasn’t attached! Thanks anyway, bye!” 

Fujiko turned and quickly stepped onto the elevator, hitting the Door Close button as the bellhop turned to stop her. 

“Phew,” she breathed, leaning against the back wall, “that was easy.” She smiled a little and tapped her key card against her chin. 

‘The museum curator?’ she questioned, ‘she would certainly have the knowledge, I suppose, and the most motive to try and dissuade Lupin from stealing the book.’ She twirled a lock of hair around her finger. ‘Seems entirely too odd, like that silly little boy said, for her to have a room. It had to be a ruse. Now we just need to figure out what her game is and how much she really knows.’

Jigen grabbed a local paper and settled himself down in a big lounge chair near the front doors of the hotel. He made sure his hat was pulled down tightly and then opened all his eyes to watch the room. He made sure to keep the woman’s face in his mind as he scanned the passersby--she could very easily put on a disguise or face-full of makeup and look different enough to fool someone not on high alert. That was if she hadn’t left much earlier. 

It seemed a little useless but covering all ground was a good place to start. At least in the lobby Jigen could smoke without bothering Goemon. He pulled out his pack and in the middle of selecting his habit he heard an all too familiar voice waft in from the double doors.

“--but like vampires and stuff?” Zenigata said curiously. His tone was conversational but truthfully the guy spoke a little too loud even in whispers. Jigen focused two eyes on him, pretending to read the paper still.

“They’re all real, I can assure you,” chimed in Zenigata’s short companion. Jigen didn’t recognize the guy at all. His eyes told him the man was completely human.

“Nothing like you see in the movies though,” joined a third voice and this one set Jigen’s back ramrod straight: Toshiko Zenigata. 

‘Crap, crap, crap, crap,’ Jigen hissed to himself, gripping the paper a little tighter. He tried to close his three extra eyes but as per usual his heightened emotional state made that easier said than done.

“Yeah movies always have a way of changing the truth, even the ones set in the real world,” Zenigata sighed, “I can hardly watch cop movies anymore--it’s all just so wrong,” the inspector shook his head sadly.

Jigen tried to sink a little deeper into his chair. The trio were mere feet behind him.

“Well I should retire, my old bones aren’t used to all this walking around,” the professor said, shifting a large book from one arm to the other. “I look forward to meeting you both tomorrow morning for our museum tour. Shall we say 7am? Here?”

“That sounds wonderful,” Toshiko agreed, “the first tour is at 8. That should leave plenty of time for a quick bite before we arrive.”

“It was a pleasure picking your brain today, Inspector,” the professor gave a stiff bow which Zenigata returned just as awkwardly. 

Jigen chanced a glance at the professor from over the newspaper as the man walked by. He seemed to be of an English blood line, stout but sturdy. The gunman wanted to get a look at the book in the professor’s arms but it was too obscured. It was thick, leatherbound and very used.

“Did you still want to grab dinner?” Toshiko drew Jigen’s attention back to the Zenigata family. 

“Well yeah, of course! You sure you’re still ok with eating here?”

“The reviews are great, and I’m curious about local Transylvanian cuisine,” Toshiko grinned and took her father’s arm. “I really am enjoying spending so much time with you.”

“Ahh I know I haven’t always been there for you, ‘shiko,” Zenigata admitted quietly as the duo strolled leisurely past Jigen. The gunman held his breath and prayed they wouldn’t turn around. 

“Dinner and some extra security tomorrow night is the least I can do, that way you and the professor can focus on that book and I can focus on keeping it there.”

“That’s really sweet of you but I’m confident Maiko has it all under control,” Toshiko patted her father’s arm as they vanished around the corner.

Jigen let out a long, slow breath and slumped further down into the chair. The newspaper crumpled into this lap.

Goemon rested his hand on the hilt of his sword as he continued to study the ceiling tiles in the kitchen. If he was going to be bait at least he could occupy himself and feel useful. He could not rightly give himself to meditation knowing he could be ambushed at any moment--sure his senses would be on high alert but he hated having his meditation interrupted. He would only be able to focus on the potential intruder and that would make his concentration waiver.

Instead he began picking apart the room inch-by-inch looking for the usual--bugs, cameras, traps, wires--and the unusual--scrolls, written incantations, trap doors. Knowing that their potential foe knew more than their average adversary Goemon wanted to look for any sliver that they’d been cornered or found out. Zenigata wouldn’t know to use the occult or--for lack of a better word--magic, but someone who knew the absolute truth would.

For as long as the group had been traveling together it was rare indeed to find anyone who knew the truth. Occasionally they would run across a singular entity out for revenge against one of them who knew one fourth of the truth, but indeed to find someone who knew the whole truth was bad news. They had practice using their strengths to save each other when one of them was at a severe disadvantage but if all of them were to be exploited at once it could spell disaster of the highest sort.

Goemon cautiously crouched down and peered under the kitchen cabinet. He met eyes with a very surprised mouse and the duo stared at one another for a second or two. The mouse broke first and darted away. 

Goemon sighed and leaned back on his hands in a very unprofessional manner. He let his head fall back and stared up at the ceiling tiles once more. They were on the top floor so there was no way anyone could be above them listening in regularly. Anyone listening in would have to be to the sides. Fujiko’s room was adjacent to one side and they knew the room directly opposite on the other was empty… but the room next to Fujiko’s?

Goemon slowly made his way towards the adjoining door and stepped inside. He glanced around as a precaution that was more of a habit than anything. He closed his eyes and let himself relax more than usual to permit a few changes to occur. Unlike Lupin and Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko had been born to unnatural lives and had never been fully human. Years of practice made passing incredibly easy but it was also a tiring facade. In moments where he could drop the mask Goemon usually indulged.

His ears elongated slightly, angling back along his head and turning a slightly blue-er shade than the rest of him. All four canines extended past his lips and his slanted eyes became exaggerated and dark. He stopped himself before he gave in completely, afterall he hadn’t thoroughly checked Fujiko’s room yet. He just needed a little extra help.

He didn’t have to wait long before his efforts were rewarded. He could very easily hear a voice in the room next to Fujiko’s. 

“I would welcome you in but it seems as if we’re going to skip pleasantries,” it was the voice of an older man and had a slight English accent. Goemon took a slow step forward and then stopped dead--Lupin’s voice, clear as day, answered the old man:

“Oh crap.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lupin feels like he's running in circles... stuck in a loop!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Never Dance Again - Battle Tapes Remix.

Lupin glanced down at the floor and felt a shock run up his spine. He was standing in a binding circle--one geared specifically towards him. He slid his foot back to try and disrupt the chalk but not even a dust particle moved. He had enough room to turn around in a tight circle but moving forward or backward was out of the question. His only option was for someone to burst in and save his hide or for him to convince the nice, stout gentleman in front of him to let him go. 

“All right,” Lupin chuckled, holding his hands up, “you caught me.”

“You know to some I am sure that would warrant a celebration,” professor Stoker said as he pulled a chair closer to Lupin.

“But not for you?” 

“No, you are not my target, not really,” the professor took a seat.

“I find that hard to believe, considering…” Lupin indicated the circle and dropped his arms to his side, “not sure how many others like me you were expecting, old man, but we’re a rare breed. Seems a little too coincidental if you ask me.”

“You misunderstand me, Mr.Lupin, this trap was most certainly made for you but I am not here for you.” 

“You’re here for the book, aren’t you?” Lupin crossed his arms over his chest.

“Once more yes, but no,” Professor Stoker sighed and made himself comfortable, “I am here to make sure nothing happens to this book… at least not until we can replace it with a forgery,” Stoker indicated a briefcase on the foot of the hotel bed. “You see the book about to be displayed is a dangerous book. It is one of the oldest books ever written, pre-dating most every lasting civilization. By all means the book shouldn’t exist… and that’s because it’s not entirely human.”

“Well I could’ve told you that,” Lupin chuckled.

“Unfortunately it was made /for/ humans,” Stoker was not impressed by Lupin’s interruption and continued as if it had never happened. “With proper knowledge and supplies a human could use that book for dastardly deeds--and I don’t mean the kind of chaos that you get up to amant cendré.”

Lupin’s eyebrows lifted and he barely held in a gasp. This guy did know his stuff. 

“I mean world-ending deeds, rousing old gods, powerful beings, total global domination.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty dastardly,” Lupin agreed, “so what’s your plan then? You’re gonna do the ol’ bait and switch? Put in something a little less harmful--instead of waking up C’thulu we’ll have what… an army of kittens?”

“You joke but I am completely serious, Mr.Lupin and you should not be so flippant. A person with the power in this book could easily put a stop to you and all your friends,” Stoker indicated the wall to his left and Lupin felt his heart jump into his throat. Fujiko’s room was on the other side of that wall--this old man was dangerous.

“So then what’s with the circle? If all you want is the book, why set a trap for me?”

“To make sure you don’t interfere of course,” Stoker laughed as he stood up and approached the circle, “I honestly didn’t think you would be interested in this book--it doesn’t seem to fit your style. However my partner felt differently and then after conferring with Inspector Zenigata earlier this morning I knew I was wrong. It was a bit of a scramble, even for me with my resources, to find anything that could hold you given your penchant for escape but I think I did all right.”

“No you really did,” Lupin said as he lifted one foot and then the other to inspect the work, “it’s been ages since I’ve seen a proper circle!”

“Well thank you, Mr. Lupin,” Stoker gave a slight bow of the head. “I promise to come back and release you after Toshiko and I make the switch. Far be it from me to deny Inspector Zenigata the thrill of his hunt,” Stoker said and then smirked a little, “or you for that matter.”

“I don’t have the foggiest idea what you’re talking about,” Lupin snorted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m sure,” Stoker shook his head, “now if you’ll excuse me--” Stoker picked up the briefcase, “my room is across the hall. I booked this one specifically for you a few hours ago.” Stoker paused as he headed for the door. He picked up the TV remote and tossed it, smiling as Lupin caught it effortlessly. 

“I’m not heartless just dedicated to my work,” Stoker gave another bow of his head and stepped out into the hallway.

Lupin grumbled at the closed door and chucked the remote at it. He snorted and flared his nostrils in anger--he hated being shown up.

“All right, Goemon, coast is clear,” Lupin sighed into the empty air. He didn’t even flinch as a doorway was unceremoniously sliced through the wall. He brushed a few pieces of plaster off his shoulder as Goemon stepped into the room and sheathed his sword.

“How much of that did you hear?”

“All of it,” Goemon crouched at the circle, “this is beautifully done.”

“Yeah yeah, can you break it?” Lupin watched as Goemon looked up at him and smirked.

“Not in the traditional sense,” Goemon took a step back and unsheathed his sword again. Lupin frowned and winced as the blade sliced through the air, the breeze tickling his cheek as it passed. Goemon turned the sword on its side and flicked it up towards himself, knocking a chunk out of the garish hotel carpet and effectively breaking the circle.

“Neat,” Lupin laughed, stepping over the edge and shaking off like a dog might after a quick dip.

“I wonder if he is working with Jigen’s mystery woman,” Goemon mused as he drew two fingers over the remainder of the circle.

“I’m not sure but I do know he’s working with Zenigata’s daughter, they’re real close. I may or may not have improvised a tour for the three of them this morning.”

“Some day your hubris will be your downfall, Lupin,” Goemon stood and looked cautiously around the room.

“Yeah, sure,” Lupin cleared his throat and once Goemon looked at him the thief smiled and tapped at his teeth. Goemon cocked his head to the side for a second before catching on. He turned away as if to hide something private and returned to his fully human facade.

“At least this should solidify your resolve to leave the book well enough alone,” Goemon admonished as he turned back around.

“Well, in a way…” Lupin quickly threw his hands up as Goemon spun on him dangerously, “no, no, no! What I meant was I certainly don’t want the book anymore but I do think we need to make absolutely certain that it ends up with the right people.”

“Hmmm,” Goemon narrowed his eyes further but relaxed a little, “I suppose you have a point. Do you think we can trust this short, plump little man?”

“Not a clue… But I think I know how we can find out for sure,”

“Goemon!” 

Lupin and the samurai turned quickly as Fujiko’s voice assaulted their ears. The woman stood in the makeshift doorway, hands on her hips. She indicated the severe lack of privacy and crossed her arms over her chest. Goemon quickly pointed to Lupin.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excuse me, waiter? There's a thief in my water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea.

Toshiko frowned into the glass of water she was rolling carefully between her palms. She talked with her father at least a few times a week--over text and email--but somehow things had taken a strange, awkward turn once they’d been seated at the hotel diner. It was as if they hadn’t talked in years and suddenly realized they had nothing in common… and neither of those things were true! They talked frequently and had plenty in common. 

She did not want to admit that perhaps being so upfront with Zenigata earlier about her line of work was the problem. There might have been better ways to phrase things, or at least a more proper way of letting him in on the truth. They could have let him wade a little to get used to the water before throwing him into the deep end.

She glanced up at her father from across the table and saw him fiddling nervously with his napkin. At least she wasn’t alone in feeling awkward.

“So, uh,” she began, searching for something to talk about--anything, “have you uhm… is there anyone special?” She regretted the words as they were leaving her mouth but it was still somehow too late. 

“What? You mean like--”

“R-romantically,” Toshiko swirled her finger in the air to try and connect the dots.

“Oh! Oh. Uh well… no. Lupin is kind of a full time job, doesn’t leave much time for anything else,” Zenigata tapped the table feeling suddenly ashamed of his solitude when he never had before. He’d devoted himself to catching Lupin for most of his adult life and never really regretted it for long. He’d tried once to stop and pull back--when he’d married Toshiko’s mother and attempted the whole family thing--and it just didn’t feel right. Something was missing and he’d felt like he was putting on a show. 

“What-what about you, ‘shiko?” Zenigata quickly turned the tables, smiling genuinely at having something to discuss, “I bet the boys are really knocking down your door, huh?”

“Oh well I uh--I wouldn’t know if they were or not,” Toshiko unfolded and then re-folded her napkin, “boys aren’t my style.”

“Dedicated to your work like your old man, huh?” Zenigata chuckled.

“No I uhm--I’m a lesbian,” Toshiko laughed.

“I--Oh!” Zenigata chuckled as well, shaking his head, “I didn’t mean to uh--what I meant was--that is--I’m happy for you.”

Toshiko frowned at the question on her lips. She wanted to ask it--she had wanted to ask it so many times before but never felt like text was the best way--but couldn’t bring herself to. She attempted to bolster herself--knowing there was no way to predict when they would see each other face-to-face again--but the duo was interrupted before she could make a move. One of the hotel staff approached, bent at the waist and leaned towards Zenigata.

“Excuse me sir,” the waiter said, expression hidden behind a head of shoulder length pitch black hair, “there is an important call for an Inspector Zenigata from Interpol at the front desk. They insisted it was important, I do apologize for the intrusion.”

“A call for me?” Zenigata frowned, he glanced at Toshiko as he stood, “I can’t imagine what this would be about, ‘shiko. I promise I won’t be long.”

“Yeah, take your time,” she smiled as her father walked off with the waiter, rubbing his head curiously.

She glanced down at her phone and by the time she looked back up she was no longer alone at her table. She stiffened up a little as she recognized the man from the elevator earlier that morning.

“Lupin,” Toshiko said calmly, meeting the thief’s eyes as he made himself comfortable in her father’s vacant chair.

“--and you must be Toshiko. It’s a pleasure to finally, properly, make your aquaintance,” Lupin held out his hand but was rewarded with only a look.

“I suspect there was no call?”

“You suspect correct!”

“Then you’ve only got a few minutes at most. What can I do for you?” Toshiko grinned crookedly.

“Cut right to the chase, I admire that,” Lupin took a sip of Zenigata’s water, “I just had the pleasure of meeting your business partner, Professor Stoker.” Lupin quickly held up his hands, “don’t worry he’s not hurt. He did, however, tell me a few very interesting things. Things that, to be perfectly honest, got under my skin a little and that’s no small feat.”

“What kind of things?” Toshiko said, dropping a hand into her lap. She knew, logically, that a gun could not really kill Lupin but it could seriously hurt or incapacitate him--plus if all else failed she knew he wouldn’t want a gun fight to start so it was good insurance none-the-less--and she had one holstered at her hip.

“Things about a really old book, let’s say,” Lupin chuckled, “he may have also vaguely implied that this book could spell some serious trouble for me and mine.”

“Trouble for more than just the four of you, but yes--that’s correct,” Toshiko’s hand hesitated over her holster.

“My problem is--I don’t know this guy. I’ve never met him before and contrary to popular belief it takes me more than one failed imprisonment to really get to know somebody,” Lupin took another sip of the water.

“I’m afraid I don’t follow,” Toshiko admitted after a moment, folding her hands in her lap.

“I need to know if it’s true, all the stuff about the book,” Lupin turned to face Toshiko completely, folding his hands under his chin. “I need to know if he was just blowing smoke or if we’re really dealing with an instruction manual for armageddon.”

“He was telling the truth,” Toshiko admitted as she narrowed her eyes, “and you don’t need to try and pull one over on me--I would happily tell you about the book in less tense circumstances.”

“Yes, well, considering you’re a real daddy’s girl I couldn’t risk that now could I?” Lupin chuckled.

“Professor Stoker was telling the truth. That book could very well end life as we know it on this planet in the wrong hands. There are things in that book that haven’t seen the light of day since humanities’ ancestors were little more than apes. There are things in that book that would make your companions’ ancestors look young. There are powerful, dangerous things in that book,” Toshiko paused, “did the professor explain our plan?”

“That you intend to switch out ‘DIY End the World’ with a slightly less destructive forgery.”

“Correct. In order to do that though we need to make sure we know where both copies are--the real one and the fake one. We need to be certain we won’t be competing with the likes of you to steal this book. There is a lot on the line for everyone--for the whole world--but immediately for the professor and I. We are of a very small group of people who know the truth. If something were to happen and we were outed as being involved not only could we end up in jail for the rest of our lives… but--”

“--but that might not be a very long time if someone decides to do a little light reading.”

“Exactly,” Toshiko frowned and slowly brought her hands--empty--back onto the table, “I won’t presume to know why you keep my father so youthful, amant cendré, but I need to know we can… trust you on this.”

Lupin felt a shudder up his spine. Amant cendré twice in one night.

“I suppose we could be convinced to give this up--for a price,” he grinned and finished off Zenigata’s water.

“Whatever the price--we’ll pay it. Tomorrow night, after the professor and I have made the switch. Once we have the original in our hands and the forgery is safely tucked away in the museum--we’ll settle up. You have my word as a Zenigata.”

“You know, Toshiko, that carries a lot of weight,” Lupin met the girl’s eyes with a genuine smile.

“I’m aware,” Toshiko held out her hand with a matching smirk. She watched Lupin raise a single eyebrow. He gave her hand a firm shake before stepping away--just as Zenigata walked into the diner looking quite perplexed.

“Is everything all right?” Toshiko asked as her father took his seat.

“Yeah it uh--I think the chief just butt-dialed me,” Zenigata looked a touch concerned as he reached for his water. He paused and knitted his eyebrows together.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Always make sure to hire certified professionals for your construction jobs, folks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme so enjoy Lupin's them (Never Dance Again - Battle Tapes Remix), Fujiko's theme (Earthbound), Jigen's theme (Cheap Thrills) and Goemon's theme (Go West Young Man (Predator)).

“So you’re still set on not stealing this thing then?” Jigen muttered as he knelt on the hotel carpet, breathless.

“Yeah, unfortunately I do think this is one time the lot of you were right--there’s just too much at stake,” Lupin agreed, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand.

“If this book is half as powerful as it has been implied to be there may be quite a gathering of non-human at this museum,” Goemon warned, grunting as he shifted his weight.

“Exactly why we’re still gonna go,” Lupin chuckled, wincing afterwards and giving Jigen a dirty look, “slow down would ya?”

“Sorry man, got carried away there,” Jigen altered his pace. 

“What exactly--uhn--is your plan then?” Goemon managed through gritted teeth.

“We’re gonna act as extra security. I figure we’ve got as much to lose as anyone and who better to make sure a heist goes as planned than those who’ve pulled off crazier stunts themselves? Jigen! For the love of--OW!”

“Sorry!”

“You know I hear an awful lot of talking and not a lot of working being done, boys,” Fujiko purred as she peered into her bedroom. The trio--gathered around the hole in the wall with plaster, plywood, paint and other such tools glared at her. She shrugged.

“Look if Goemon just used the door like any normal being this wouldn’t be happening,” she dropped onto the foot of the bed.

“Lupin’s life could have been in danger,” Goemon growled in response.

“Oh really? Is that why you listened to the whole conversation and let the old guy leave before bursting through?”

Goemon grumbled in reply.

“Am I to understand that we’re not stealing anything then, Lupin? We’re actually, really going to play cops and robbers from the opposite side this time?”

“Seems that way, Fujiko,” Lupin shrugged, “it just seems like the safest bet. Plus, I’m not sure how much money these two are good for--but I know they’re at least good for it… whatever ‘it’ is. She did say any price.”

“I doubt the two of them could afford us,” Fujiko snorted.

“Think of it as a nice vacation then--a vacation to make sure the world is still here for us to steal from in a few weeks’ time.”

“This is hardly my idea of a vacation,” Goemon complained as he stood up, “nothing about this will be relaxing. I would rather be committing a crime.”

“I’m sure we could arrange something,” Jigen offered, pausing to flick a wad of plaster at the samurai’s face. It hit its mark.

“Look, you guys do this for me and I promise--next four capers are all you guys. No iffs, ands or buts! You call the shots and I’ll play along like a good boy,” Lupin put a hand over his chest.

“Oh when have I heard that before,” Fujiko rolled over onto her stomach on the bed, her shadow showing a few too many limbs wagging happily in the air. 

“So we show up, we ooh and awe at all the old crap, we find a place to stake out this private showing going on after the museum closes, we make sure somebody else steals the loot, leaves a forgery, and gets away scot free.”

“Yeah that about sums it up,” Lupin flopped onto his back between Goemon and Jigen. 

“Well then it sounds like an easy day for us,” Goemon started, meeting Jigen’s eyes over Lupin’s form.

“Yeah, a real relaxed kinda trip,” the gunman smirked as Lupin closed his eyes and folded his hands behind his head.

“Exactly!”

“Then you can spare a few hours of sleep,” Goemon and Jigen dropped their tools onto Lupin’s chest, “and complete this work on your own.”

“Wha--Me? Why just me!” Lupin shot upright, clutching the tools to his chest as Jigen and Goemon started to leave. 

“Because you got us into this mess, Lupin, and since we gotta help you clean up yours…” Jigen indicated the wall.

“Some friends you are,” Lupin pouted, even as he turned to the tub of plaster.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zenigata gets flustered, Fujiko gets groped and Jigen curses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=7-fjupEFSQmg_13Hu3i6yQ)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Nothing Personal.

Morning in Transylvania was almost indistinguishable from any other time of day in Transylvania. The locals joked that you got used to it but Zenigata wasn’t so sure. He didn’t know if he could ever get used to fog that was so constant it was almost treated like an entity, or grey cloud cover in the middle of the day without rain, or the old fashioned streets and lamps meant to keep the town looking thematically old even in the year 2019.

The museum curator, Maiko Vonegeil, had sent a personal car to pick up Zenigata, Profesor Stoker and Toshiko. It wasn’t a fancy car but the inspector was thrilled to not see horses so it didn’t matter much. He held open the door for Toshiko and Stoker and moved to climb in himself. He paused however as movement in one of the top floors of the hotel caught his eye. He wasn’t sure what made him look--or really what made him continue looking--but he was certain he saw something drop a curtain and dash away down the hall… as if it hadn’t wanted to be seen at all.

‘I really need to get outta this place,’ he thought to himself, shaking his head and taking his seat.

“Way to go Lupin,” Jigen growled, whacking the only slightly shorter man on the back of the head with his open palm, “he almost saw you.”

“Yeah almost, Jigen, almost.”

“Are you still certain we only need these mediocre disguises?” Goemon questioned grumpily, pulling at the fabric of his short-sleeve polo shirt.

“We’re supposed to look like clueless tourists, Goemon, blend in. I love your usual look but you stick out like a sore thumb,” Lupin reached over and folded down Goemon’s collar.

“I think he looks rather fetching in red,” Fujiko tipped down her sunglasses and gave Goemon a wink.

“I would rather go with the full mask and make-up and prosthetics than this,” the samurai continued, “I feel somehow like I should be offended on behalf of my Japanese heritage,” he poked at the large camera around his neck.

“Well in that case we all get at least a quarter percent of offense,” Lupin flipped a baseball cap onto his head and pulled it almost as low as Jigen’s. “The shuttle should be arriving any minute now. We ready?”

“As we’ll ever be for an afternoon of… well, educational guided museum tours,” Jigen led the group down the hall with Fujiko at his side.

“Just remember to keep your ear pieces on,” Lupin whispered as they approached the elevator, "and let us know if you spot that woman, Jigen.”

“Gonna be kinda hard only having two eyes to spare here, Lupin.”

“Do your best. I believe in you,” Lupin chuckled.

“Toshiko!”

“Maiko, it’s been too long!” 

Professor Stoker and Inspector Zenigata stepped back to permit the two women room to hug, dropping their clearly professional airs for a moment or two to do so. It was clear they had a friendly history, one that superceded their working lives. They pulled apart and Maiko held Toshiko at arms’ length.

“You still dress better than anyone I’ve ever met,” the curator laughed though she was a vision herself. Her thick, auburn hair (a shade more brown than Toshiko’s when compared) was curled up underneath itself to make it seem far shorter than it was. She wore flats but she was a naturally tall woman and her legs were accented in black tights, visible underneath a pencil skirt and button-up blouse. She wore a dark red scarf around her neck with a jeweled spider pinned to its folds.

“You’re on to talk, madam curator,” Toshiko turned and indicated her companions. “This is Professor Graham Stoker and my father, Inspector Zenigata.”

“A pleasure,” Stoker said, bowing his head in respect.

“Likewise,” Zenigata smiled, removing his hat and offering his hand. Maiko shook it firmly and gave him a coy smile as she did.

“Please, follow me. Our shuttles should be arriving with the first wave of guests any minute now. You’ll be admitted to the tours as long as you’d like, free of charge, to get a good look around before our private showing this evening,” Maiko turned and led the group up the long flight of stairs to the museum.

Zenigata tipped his head back and got a true eye-full of the place for the first time. It looked like… well… it looked like Dracula’s Castle. Towering peaks with perched stone gargoyles, darkly colored slate and tile roofing, peaked and pointed gothic architecture--even the grounds were planted with dark purple and red growth. The blooming rose bushes on either side of the entryway were black and red, of course.

Zenigata nodded to the two guards posted on either side of the huge doors; they barely seemed to acknowledge his presence. ‘Must be part of the atmosphere,’ the inspector told himself so as not to feel slighted.

Inside was just as theatrical as out--sconces with real flames, vanities in the corners with silver-lined mirrors and huge wax sculptures from long-dripping candles. The chandelier in the main hall made even boy scout Zenigata’s hands itch with the pure outrageous potential monetary value. The inspector was certain it cost more than his yearly salary at least. He’d seen many museums in his time--especially trailing Lupin--but something about this one made him feel small and insignificant. He couldn’t pin it down and he sure as hell didn’t like it. He popped his hat firmly back onto his head and kept pace with the others as Maiko lead them through the entry hall.

“Of course a few wings are off limits even to my dear friends--mostly for safety reasons as we’re still deep within renovations,” Maiko indicated a hallway to their left, very--very--clearly marked as off limits, “don’t worry though, inspector, none of our valuables are behind those doors,” Maiko winked at Zenigata over her shoulder.

“A wonderful idea, Ms.Vonegeil--”

“Please, Maiko.”

“Ahh, Maiko. If you don’t mind me askin’ then, where are you keeping the artifacts during the renovations?”

“Off-site, darlink,” Maiko purred, a slight accent slipping through, “I’ve been at this business for a long time and have yet to see Lupin’s sticky fingers tarnish my good name. I’m not sure why you’d think he would have interest in some old books but, as you can tell, there is plenty inside this museum that might pique his interest. We’re going to be over-crowded with guests this weekend and let me say we are thrilled and touched by your offer of extra security.”

Zenigata felt his cheeks heat up a little under the direct praise. 

“Seems like you’ve got everything in order then, miss,” he settled, feeling her first name stick to his tongue like peanut butter, “you’ve made my job a heck’uva lot easier.”

“You’re being awfully quiet, professor,” Toshiko whispered as she hung back to walk next to her supervisor. She kept her eyes on Maiko and her father--she adored Maiko like they were sisters but the curator did have a bit of a reputation with men. Toshiko didn’t want to see her father hurt.

“Ahh I’m just taking it all in,” Stoker sighed, “it smells like an old library I used to visit as a child.”

Toshiko grinned crookedly, nodding in understanding.

“Are you nervous?” Stoker continued, leaning in a little towards the younger Zenigata.

“A little. I don’t think I’ll be able to relax until I see the book, and get a good look at where we’re going to be having our private showing.”

Stoker hummed in agreement.

“Maiko seems very hands’ on,” he lifted a hand and pointed quickly at the curator and the inspector just a few paces in front of them, “perhaps we shouldn’t discourage this quite yet as he could be a useful distraction--if Maiko decides to stay in the room, that is.”

Toshiko frowned. It was a good idea even if she didn’t want to encourage it. She knew her father had done some things he wasn’t proud of in the hunt for Lupin and hoped if he ever learned the truth of what was to go down at the museum that evening that he would forgive Toshiko her trespass. 

Fujiko grunted and gave the old man next to her a dirty look as the shuttle hit another bump. She could feel a vein in her forehead throbbing. The group had been forced to sit literally elbow-to-elbow with strangers on the over-crowded shuttle: a shuttle currently driving at a snail’s pace down weather-worn, stylized cobblestone roads. Each bump in the road shifted the man beside her and Fujiko was starting to suspect his hand was purposefully placed close enough to touch her breast with each jolt.

She glared across the cabin at Lupin but he seemed preoccupied with the small child sitting next to him. They seemed to be having some kind of funny or disgusting face making contest. 

“Ahh shit,” Fujiko turned her head towards Jigen as his voice whispered in through her ear piece. He was seated up near the front of the shuttle, only one side bumping up against another living being. He was scowling down at the brochure and map the passengers had been given upon taking their seats.

“Well, the good news is I don’t have to worry about pointing out that mystery woman while we run around a stuffy old museum,” he continued in a low tone.

“Why do I get the feeling I will not like this?” Goemon answered in a typically flat hiss.

“You guys get the map and brochure? Flip to the end,” Jigen instructed.

Fujiko fished the indicated paperwork from her purse and did as she was told. The back of the folded brochure was a short, written history of the museum and an even shorter biography of the museum curator. There was a single picture of her at the bottom right, she was an average looking auburn haired woman and—

“Oh crap,” Fujiko sighed.

“Yeah, crap is right,” Jigen stuffed his brochure into his pocket, “she’s the god damned museum curator.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's spooky in this here museum...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=v3WZgFxpTjWetuHLyK72dg)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme so instead enjoy Zenigata's theme (Paris - Zach Nicita Remix) and Toshiko's theme (Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea).

Zenigata had to admit he enjoyed the tour—the first few hours at least. He was intrigued by some of the strange artifacts, and curious about some of the supposedly true stories behind them. They seemed like impossible things but were spoken as if they were honest, proven fact. He followed along behind Toshiko and Stoker dutifully for a while but eventually stepped off on his own. The duo had stumbled into the library room—which was less like an actual working, accessible library and more like a showcase of just how many old books the museum had—and Zenigata could tell they weren’t going to be leaving any time soon. 

Maiko had informed the guards and tour guides that Zenigata, Toshiko and Stoker essentially had free-range outside the guided tours (provided they stayed in the toured areas) and so as tours moved into and out of rooms the trio could stay behind a bit longer. The Interpol Inspector knew there would be only so many places they could go if they weren’t still in the library when he returned.

He excused himself to a very distracted Toshiko—smiling a little at her familiar single mindedness—and headed for a small café on the middle-level of the museum. It was quiet and sparsely populated with staff members, ‘must be in between tour groups’. Zenigata politely selected a fruit cup and a coffee but his payment was refused. He was one of Ms.Vonegeil’s special guests and his money was no good. Feeling more than a little odd about the whole thing he sat down at a small table over-looking the gigantic courtyard. 

“Hmm,” he tapped the coffee stir against the fruit cup, “haven’t seen that yet. Maybe I’ll take a stroll outside to clear my head.”

“The gardens are a wonderful place for that, Inspector,” Maiko said as she gently placed a hand on Zenigata’s shoulder before taking the seat across from him. He stiffened noticeably. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Oh uh, no—it’s fine. I’m always a little on edge when Lupin’s involved,” Zenigata rubbed the back of his neck. Maiko made him feel like the museum did: Small and like somehow nothing he ever did would really matter in the long run. It was sobering and depressing all at once.

“You know when Toshiko said her father would be joining her I honestly had no idea what to expect,” Maiko said playfully as she rested an elbow on the table, “she’s usually all business and dresses like her mother.” 

“Yeah uh—she got the best of both her parents I guess,” Zenigata frowned, he didn’t really enjoy being singled out by Maiko. It was like he had to concentrate really hard to understand her even though her accent was incredibly light and she was speaking a language he was fluent in. Almost like there was some kind of interference.

“Imagine my surprise when you showed up,” Maiko laughed and it sounded like a church bell, Zenigata felt fuzzy. “Tall, dark and handsome. I love the old fashioned look too—I’m obviously quite enamored with times gone by.”

“Did you just… call me old?” Zenigata muttered, blinking to clear the haze around him.

“Oh no,” Maiko reached over the table and touched the back of Zenigata’s hand, “you look quite dashing. Men my age don’t understand style and sophistication.”

Zenigata dropped his gaze to where Maiko had taken his hand and was tracing lines in his palm. He swallowed and he swore it was loud enough to deafen him. He felt sluggish and he couldn’t really even work up the nerve to be alarmed. It was like being lulled to sleep when you knew there was more work to do. He was just… so… tired…

“Maiko, father,” Toshiko called, smiling as she joined the duo. 

Maiko quickly sat up and released Zenigata’s hand, waving Toshiko over happily. She stood and offered her chair.

“Please, sit. I was just briefing your father on our security protocols while grabbing some lunch,” Maiko picked a strawberry from Zenigata’s fruit cup and winked at Toshiko. “I’m afraid I must be going, however, my work here is endless.”

“A-all right,” Toshiko frowned, sitting down and watching her old friend leave. She turned to face her father and knitted her eyebrows in concern. She waved her hand in front of his face until he blinked and brightened upon seeing her.

“Oh, ‘shiko!” He laughed, “you uh—you all finished in the library?”

“Yes,” Toshiko paused and chewed on her bottom lip, “what did Maiko want?”

“Oh, you know, just chit chat,” Zenigata waved dismissively and took a sip of his coffee. 

“I see,” Toshiko felt her stomach twist. She desperately wanted to warn her father about Maiko but her mind kept playing Stoker’s words. If Maiko distracted her father—and likewise her father distracted Maiko—then Stoker and Toshiko wouldn’t have to worry about explaining to the interpol agent why they were stealing a book. It really would be for the best in the long run. How much harm could a woman like Maiko cause in one day?

“Thank you for pretending to enjoy all this,” Toshiko said instead, smiling softly, “I know this is far from what you’d call exciting.”

“Spending time with you is always worth my time, ‘shiko. I’m enjoying this because I can tell how much this means to you,” Zenigata responded in kind, squeezing his daughter’s hand.

“Can I… Can I ask you something?” Toshiko spit out quickly, before she lost the nerve. “Something personal?”

“Err—sure,” Zenigata frowned at the change in tone and direction.

“Mom used to talk and well—I heard things and over the years I couldn’t help but wonder, especially given my own proclivities but—” Toshiko could hear herself rambling but she couldn’t seem to put a stop to it, “it always seemed a little strange to me that you never remarried or even dated after you and mom split up. You’re a hopeless romantic and a family man at heart and I just—I have a hard time believing that this whole Lupin thing is the only reason you never tried again and I—well I just wanted to ask—I mean, that is, I just wanted to tell you—I needed you to know that if there was something, anything that you wanted to say or-or had questions about or—”

Zenigata scrunched up his face, trying to follow Toshiko’s long line of … questioning? He nodded in circles as she kept going, still not really sure where she was headed. As he was about to tell her as much a loud SNAP brought the whole café to a blackout. There was a clatter, a shatter and a shriek from the kitchen. Then, quickly as it had happened, the lights snapped back on.

Zenigata was instantly on his feet and headed towards the kitchen, Toshiko hot on his heels. They leapt over the counter and nearly slipped and fell into each other through a mess of spilled soup. The cook—who had likely been the one who’d screamed—knelt at the mess with tears in her eyes. She gaped up at the duo as they skidded to a stop and stared down at her in concern.

“I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you!” the girl gasped, wiping at her tears. “The pot slipped just before the lights went out and when I adjusted my grip in the dark I grabbed the hot end. I just—I just let go. It was a reflex.”

“Oh, hey, it’s fine,” Toshiko said softly, crouching down and putting a hand on the girl’s shoulder, “we just wanted to make sure everyone was ok.”

“Yeah why don’t you go get someone to look at that hand. I’ll clean this up,” Zenigata offered, pushing his hat back a little and removing his long trench coat.

“Oh no, no I couldn’t. Ms.Vonegeil would have me murdered for putting some of her special guests to work,” the cook joked darkly, even as she stood and cradled her hand at her chest.

“We’ll handle Ma—Ms.Vonegeil. I really have to insist you get that hand looked at,” Toshiko gently ushered the girl towards the kitchen, “even if just to run some water over it and wrap it up yourself.”

Zenigata permitted himself to open a small closet towards the end of the run and grinned at the cleaning supplies. He pulled the mop and bucket free and grabbed a couple gloves and scrubbing brushes as well. This was the kind of thing he could really get behind—something to do other than walking around a stuffy old museum—something to keep his hands busy. It was distracting from the dark ache in his head too. As he turned back to the spill he found Toshiko rolling up her sleeves.

“I wasn’t offering your services, ‘shiko,” Zenigata explained as he shook his head, “go enjoy the rest of the museum. I’ve got this.” 

“Are you kidding? It’ll be just like cleaning up before mom got home,” Toshiko said with a smirk, “you remember how filthy we would let the house get before having to rush to get it all done in time?”

“Oh man,” Zenigata laughed, “we were slobs! I’m surprised we didn’t catch something from all those unwashed dishes.” 

“Remember the time we tried to do the laundry?” 

“The soap was everywhere!” Zenigata leaned onto the mop handle, laughing, “ahh, how is your mother anyway? We don’t talk so much anymore…”

Toshiko glanced up from where she was scrubbing. She frowned again and her expression turned sorrowful. Zenigata’s cheery mood was suddenly crushed. 

“She—she died a few years ago, dad,” Toshiko stood up and put her hand on his arm. She started to tell him why but knew it was a big thing to swallow, knew there would be far too many questions and now was just not the time. 

“Oh I—I guessed I missed that,” Zenigata put his hand over Toshiko’s, “a shame, she should’a been around a lot longer.”

‘She was nearly 95, dad,’ Toshiko thought to herself, settling for leaning her head to rest on Zenigata’s shoulder, ‘she passed away peacefully of old age.’


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? (Psst! Don't tell her I called her old!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=VDcBgNCRRX2PR-_obzhaYg)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Destruction.

Lupin had an appreciation for art. He loved trinkets of people’s passions. He could appreciate the strange and the abstract. There was something about purely historical documents however that kind of, well, bored him. Sure he could understand their value and he greatly appreciated the people who painstakingly ensured they survived for future generations… but it just wasn’t Lupn’s idea of a good time. Especially considering he wasn’t there to actually steal any of them.

“Oh man, the crap I get myself into,” he muttered to himself absently, staring at his reflection on a page out of The Theory of Evolution.

“What was that, Lupin?” Goemon’s voice came over the shared connection, sounding almost hopeful.

“If it wasn’t ‘damn I’m sorry I got you all roped into this absolutely thrilling afternoon’ then I don’t wanna hear it,” Jigen growled, glaring at another no smoking sign.

“At least some of the stuff here is pretty,” Fujiko poked at a golden sconce on the wall, gently pressing a nail against it to test it’s authenticity. It was fake. She sighed, “nevermind. This blows.”

“All right, all right, all right,” Lupin walked away from the display, eyes roving the crowd to find his disguised companions. “How about this—hang on just a little longer. Once we break for lunch we can slip into the restricted zone, how about that?”

“You sure about that, Lupin?” Goemon pressed, glancing up from the camera he’d been focusing on a scroll, “did we not agree stealing and sneaking around in here was a fool’s errand?”

“Lupin is about the biggest fool there is, Goemon,” Fujiko chuckled, “but I’m with him on this one. I think I may combust if I have to listen to this tour guide any longer. Sneaking around just to get a look at stuff they aren’t ready for people to see won’t be dangerous. We’ve done way worse and gotten away.”

“We may be testing fate,” Goemon continued.

“Yeah, well, it’s that or I start shooting people. I need a smoke and I need it now,” Jigen bumped into Lupin’s shoulder purposefully as he headed towards the men’s room.

“You could always play watchdog if you’re so scared, Goemon?”

“I am not scared—I am smart,” Goemon couldn’t help but turn to glare across the room at Lupin, “a broken clock may be right two times a day but it is wrong far more frequently.”

“I will never understand him,” Fujiko threw her arms in the air.

“Fine, fine. Look—Jigen’s already pulled away. The rest of us head into the café with the remainder of the group. Break up one-at-a-time, as usual, and meet in the downstairs left hand corridor. We’ll scope out some behind-the-scenes stuff and by then the tour should be over. We can hide out in the corridor and do some recon in the gardens after the guests all skedaddle.”

‘Skedaddle?’ Goemon mouthed to himself but decided not to voice his annoyance. Lupin had the audacity to chastise the way Goemon spoke but he himself used words like… skedaddle.

As the samurai turned to follow the mass of tourists towards the café he stopped in his tracks. There, in the back of the room somewhere—a ringing? A bell? No, a song. Someone singing? It was a tune Goemon recognized but he couldn’t recall from where. It felt like he hadn’t heard it in ages and suddenly he had to remember. If he could find the source of the song he could figure it out.

He wandered off from the tail of the crowd and in between the rows upon rows of glass encased library shelves. It was just tantalizing enough for a bibliophile to see and not be able to touch. Goemon’s mind was not on old words however—not written ones in any case. As he passed along an aisle he was too distracted to notice the distortion in the glass behind him. The singing was getting louder and he felt incredibly close to that sweet Ah-Ha! Moment. It was just there, just on the tip of his tongue…

Fujiko crossed her arms over her chest as she stood in-between a young couple and their fussy newborn and the old pervert from the shuttle. She did not appreciate him moving in behind her and any second now she was going to fake some kind of fit and crush the old jerk. The fussy baby looked ready to blow to and it was aimed at Fujiko. She sneered and was just about to step aside when she heard a faint whistle.

She tilted her head to one side wishing for a second she could drop her human façade and better locate the sound. It was… well it was plain damned annoying and honestly a little painful to boot. It was incredibly high pitched and just as it really began bouncing around in her head the baby started to cry in earnest.

Fujiko took the distraction and removed herself quickly from the queue, darting into the women’s room just a few feet away. She covered her ears with her hands and nearly threw herself into the furthest stall in the room. She sat down and pressed her hands into her temples tightly as the noise got louder and higher—how she wasn’t sure. She’d never heard such a horrible, horrible sound before! It was threatening to crack her skull open!

She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned forward, rocking back and forth against the wave of nausea that swam up with the second crescendo of the whistle. Her eyes were closed so tightly and her hands clamped over her ears so securely she didn’t hear the bathroom door open, nor did she hear the footsteps approaching. She most certainly did not see the stall door open slowly from the other side…

“Geez what’s taking them so long?” Jigen griped again, looking at his watch once more. He used his gruff attitude to hide his growing concern—an incredibly unnecessary step as the only one to hear him was Lupin, who was already pacing the floor nervously… and could see right through Jigen’s bravado.

“Still nothing from the com.s either,” Lupin whined, folding his hands behind his back and continuing to pace, “I don’t wanna jump to conclusions but I’ve got this sinking feeling something went wrong.”

“Yeah, I hate to agree with you but I agree with you,” Jigen paused to lift up the brim of his hat a bit, “though to be honest this whole place gives me the heebie jeebies so I may just be jonesing for an excuse to leave.”

“Well we certainly can’t leave without Goemon and Fujiko so your heebie jeebies better start pulling their weight,” Lupin paused at the wall opposite Jigen and slumped down into a dejected crouch. The hallway they found themselves in was dark and bare—it had none of the forced antique beauty the rest of the museum had it was just genuinely old: complete with cobwebs and enough dust to build a snowman. Lupin had paced a thick line in the dust during the half hour they’d been waiting. Jigen was likely to have gathered dust himself as he hadn’t moved from where he’d leaned up against the wall and lit his first smoke… that was about six cigarettes ago.

“What are our options here, Lupin?” Jigen asked seriously, pulling a long drag and illuminating his face in red from the embers.

“I’m not sure,” Lupin folded his arms over his knees, “they aren’t helpless so it’s either something that’s really just got them distracted or we may be in big trouble.”

“What out here could possibly have distracted both of them? Neither one is particularly invested in museums or ancient history—considering they both kind of lived most of it. They don’t even really have anything in common!”

“Crap, crap, crap, crap,” Lupin moaned.

Jigen moved away from the wall and towards the exit. He placed his hand on the handle and opened all of his eyes. He scanned the entryway beyond the door and felt his stomach flop a few times uncomfortably. All the lights were out and the area was dim, lit only by the late afternoon sun through the windows. The museum was only supposed to be open for half a day to showcase the book—which the gang hadn’t even been able to see as it was at the end of the tour and they’d ducked out well before then.

“The whole place has gone dark, Lupin,” Jigen reported, turning back to Lupin with all five eyes open. Three of them glowed gold-amber in the dark like soft firefly lights. “I really don’t think they’ve just holed themselves up on their own—not without telling us first.”

“You don’t think maybe Fujiko is working with the curator, do ya?” Lupin asked plaintively, looking up at Jigen from his dejected position on the floor.

“First of all you and I both know that is one hundred percent entirely possible. It wouldn’t be the first time she screwed us over. Second why the hell did Goemon go with her if she is double crossing us. Third knock off the wounded puppy dog act: I hate it when you get all mopey.”

Lupin slowly stood up and stretched his arms over his head. As he met Jigen’s main eyes he smiled and smoke slowly began to curl up from the corners of his mouth, flames occasionally tickling out against his cheeks.

“This might be fun after all.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets, secrets are no fun--secrets, secrets hurt some one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=xo4xnH4_Txa_CEBCTC8KYw)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme so enjoy Zenigata's theme (Paris - Zach Nicita Remix), Toshiko's theme (Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea) and Maiko's theme (Nothing Personal).

Toshiko smiled into the cool breeze coming up from the multiple rosebushes in the garden. The air was just chilly enough to enjoy at length without needing to retreat from what little sun the Transylvanian countryside got. With the tours ended Toshiko, Stoker and Inspector Zenigata had nearly free reign of the museum for a few hours until their private showing. Toshiko had lost Stoker earlier in the library and hadn’t seen her father since they’d cleaned up at the café. She wasn’t worried—not really—but she was feeling a little strange being left to her own devices in the garden of such a stunning building.

Glancing over at the museum she pulled her phone from her vest pocket. No messages. She had sort of been expecting at least one though nothing formal had really been set up. She supposed everyone else was just busy and a little voice in her head told her she needed to enjoy the down time. She’d done the occasional barely legal thing in her career but what she and Stoker had planned fell squarely outside the law on all sides. She couldn’t’ deny she was nervous.

She leaned back on the bench and threw her arms out along the back, taking up as much space as she wanted. She tipped her head back and stared at the drifting clouds. A familiar chuckle caught her attention and she lowered her head. It was Maiko. She glanced around the yard as she heard it again and then she spotted her—and Inspector Zenigata.

“Shit,” Toshiko said under her breath. The curator had pinned the cop to a tree and they were talking awfully close—correction, Maiko was close, Zenigata looked like he wanted the tree to swallow him whole. His hat was off and clutched at his chest with both hands while Maiko reached up to adjust his tie.

At the risk of ruining their helpful distractions in the coming hours, Toshiko knew she had to help her father. She really did adore Maiko but honestly did the woman have no boundaries? She didn’t care when Maiko preyed on other men but Toshiko would have thought her own father was off limits.

“’shiko!” Zenigata gasped in relief, carefully side stepping away from the tree in what would have otherwise been rude. Maiko turned and smiled as well, waving like she hadn’t just been saying things to get a rise out of the Inspector.

“Fancy meeting you two here,” Toshiko laughed, trying to keep her annoyance to herself, “have either of you seen the Professor?”

“Oh, is he not with you?” Maiko asked, bringing a hand to her lips and glancing around.

“No. We parted ways in the library earlier and never really set a time or place to meet back up,” Toshiko shrugged, “aside from the private showing this evening that is.”

“Oh, yes, that!” Maiko said crossing an arm over her chest and fiddling with jeweled spider broach as she talked. “I meant to tell you earlier, Toshiko, and don’t be cross with me, a few very, very generous donors have asked to join you and the professor this evening. I don’t think they’ll get in the way of your scholarly pursuits, I think they just want bragging rights. They won’t be permitted to touch anything, of course, just stand around and laugh and gather a story to tell at their fancy parties.”

“Ahh, oh,” Toshiko tried to swallow her heart.

“With all due respect, miss curator, adding more bodies is just going to increase your risk. Were these requests to join sudden?” Zenigata interrupted.

“Hmmm, they arrived within the past few days. I suppose you could call that sudden but with people like these you have to expect sudden. I’m not sure I consider it to be out of the ordinary,” Maiko shrugged, “it’s only four people. I am sure they will not cause a scene and I am sure your capable hands can keep the book safe.” Maiko winked at Zenigata, who frowned.

He held up a hand and started counting on his fingers for show.

“Lupin, Jigen, Goemon and Fujiko. Four,” Zenigata shook his head, “I really don’t like that at all.”

“He’s got a point, Maiko,” Toshiko spoke up, finding her voice at last and trying to grab on to the sliver of hope before her, “more bodies, more hands, more risk. Even if it’s not Lupin and his gang—which admittedly it seems far too coincidental not to be—you’re still putting a lot of faith in a group of four people just because they gave you money.”

“They did not just give me money, my dear Toshiko, they gave me a great deal of money. It’s as good as a promise or a prayer, money of that amount. I really cannot deny them this request without risking them pulling back their offers and with a loss that large I stand to lose everything.” Maiko at least sounded upset and sincere, whether or not Toshiko and Zenigata believed her was another matter but she was not concerned. 

“I am sorry, inspectors,” Maiko said genuinely, putting a hand on both their arms, “this is almost entirely out of my hands. I’ll make it up to you somehow.”

Toshiko sighed as she and her father moved to stand shoulder-to-shoulder as Maiko walked back towards the museum. Zenigata cleared his throat after a second and glanced down at his daughter.

“Look I uh—I know she’s a good friend of yours, ‘shiko, but she really makes me uncomfortable,” he admitted quietly.

“She has that affect on people. She comes from old money and that carries its own kind of… magic, I guess—though it’s usually nothing as fancy. It’s mostly just insane amounts of charisma and confidence. People who really just don’t care what others think of them because they don’t need anything from them are a different breed.”

“Yeah, you can say that again,” Zenigata frowned. “You worried about the professor?”

“Yup.”

“You worried about Lupin breaking in tonight and stealing the book?”

“Yup.”

“Atta girl,” Zenigata beamed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go together like peanut butter and jelly, don't they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=rpMYVrx3Tk-SwFlYiVMAVg)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Nothing Personal.

Professor Stoker removed his glasses for the umpteenth time and tried to wipe them on his shirt. It was no good—the air in the cavern was so humid that the lenses would just be foggy again by the time he brought them to his face. It put him at a great disadvantage as, in his old age, his eyes had been the first to go. Next had been his youthful figure but that was neither here nor there. He set the glasses back on his nose and squinted to see through the water droplets.

Nothing seemed to have changed even though he could have sworn he just heard footsteps. He was being held prisoner in an only slightly accommodated cavern, barred in with temporary but impossibly heavy cement bars. The walls dripped with condensation and a sort of earthly heat pooled up from somewhere near the far back corner he couldn’t see through. A constant dripping sound had just about driven him mad.

He had been so enthralled with the books in the library room that he hadn’t realized he was alone. The tour groups had thinned out, Zenigata had gone off alone and even Toshiko had managed to steer herself towards some other interesting artifact. There was no one to warn the absent minded—and easily distracted—professor that he was suddenly not alone. There was no one to guard him as a hooded figure moved up directly behind him and there was certainly no one to protest as a chloroform-laced cloth was held securely over his mouth and nose.

When he woke he was just as clueless as when he went down. He had no idea who could have wanted to kidnap him, let alone keep him prisoner in some kind of natural cavern. It was worth studying, to be fair, but geology had never been his best subject.

This time he was certain he heard footsteps over the dripping. He leapt to his feet and raced to the bars.

“H-hello?” he called into the darkness, “can anyone hear me?”

“Only me, professor,” purred a feminine voice in response. 

Stoker knitted his brows together in concentration as a form made itself visible at last. It took the woman being almost within arms’ reach before Stoker could identify her: Maiko Vonegeil, the museum curator.

“Ah! Ms. Vonegeil thank heavens!” Stoker let out a sigh of relief, “I’m not certain what happened but I believe I may have been—”

“Kidnapped?” Maiko provided.

“Well-yes…”

“I am quite avare,” Maiko’s voice took a dark turn, her accent piquing through, “I arranged it, you see. I couldn’t have you running about with this now could I?” Maiko reached into the bag at her side and pulled out a thick book. Stoker stared for a moment before gasping and taking a small step away from the bars. It was the forgery that he and Toshiko had slaved over. It hadn’t even occurred to Stoker that his bag was missing.

“Wh-what’s that?” He asked, feigning ignorance.

“Oh don’t even try to play games vith me,” Maiko hissed, throwing the book into the bars aggressively, “I know all about your little plan with Toshiko. You thought you could just walk in here and steal… from me!?”

“Ms… Ms.Vonegeil I don’t even know you!” The professor pleaded.

“You don’t, do you?” Maiko’s voice returned to a sultry purr.

“N-no, but please, hear me out. That book is very dangerous—er, the real one, not that forgery there. Toshiko and I work for a branch of the government that oversees things like this—things of a dark and ancient nature. That book belongs in a place where no one will ever read it. It is a dark, powerful weapon that could—”

“Enough, I know vhat the book is,” Maiko folded her hands behind her back, “I know all about that book. I haff spent the better part of ten years lookink for it.”

“Y-you… you know—”

“Mmhmm,” Maiko moved to the bars and watched as Stoker slid backwards away from her approach, “you really don’t recognize me, do you, Graham?”

“I—I am sorry. I-I don’t but my eyesight isn’t what it used to be an-and my glasses are fogged up, perhaps if we could move this to a different location I could—”

“The last time you saw me I was a little girl, no more than eight,” Maiko pressed on, ignoring the professor’s babbling, “you and my father were very good friends, work colleagues. You traveled the world together searching for the weird and the unexplained, the old and the powerful. I rarely saw my father thanks to you and your research. My mother always said the work made father happy,” Maiko paused, lost in thought before continuing. “I only wanted one thing for my ninth birthday—my father. I wished every night the week leading up to the party that he would somehow make it home in time for the cake and presents. I often forget that I am no longer that little girl, just waiting for daddy to come home.”

Stoker’s face drained of all color as he slowly put two-and-two together. He stumbled back further away from the bars.

“Maiko Vonegeil isn’t your name,” Stoker whispered at last.

“My father never made it for my birthday, or any other birthdays for that matter, “ Maiko ignored Stoker, her voice sharp and fevered, “and you know why, don’t you? You just had to go one step further—one mile deeper into that gods forsaken pit in Egypt! Did my father beg you to stop? Did he plead with you to turn around and let it go!? Were you with him when he disappeared? Did you see it? Did you realize what you’d done or were you still too consumed with your search for glory and power!”

“It… it was never about—”

“Silence!” Maiko shrieked, slamming her hands into the bars and pressing her face between them. “You never even wrote us a letter! You never came to his service or sent us flowers or anything! You used my father for what he had to offer and then you dishonored his memory and the family he left behind. The family you made him leave behind!”

“That isn’t—it wasn’t—”

“Our families go back for generations, feuding one century and then marrying into each other the next. I guess it was only a matter of time before one of us started the feud again,” Maiko sighed and moved away from the bars, “do your children know about the legacy you’re leaving them, professor? Do they know that you’re a coward and a murderer?”

Stoker moved back to lean against the wall for support, heart pounding. 

“It doesn’t matter—nothing will bring my father back, at least no the way he was… the way I want to remember him. I may have the next best thing though: a way to fully and completely honor him and the name of his bloodline… of my bloodline,” Maiko bent down and picked up the forgery. “It wasn’t so long ago that these lands worshipped the ground my family walked on. Your ancestors were researchers and scientists, documenting everything and anything you could get your grimy little hands on: but my family? My ancestors? We were strong and proud and powerful. We were monster hunters. We did the real dirty work that gave your family its fame and fortune. I think it’s about time the world remembered us and what we did for them. I think it’s about time humanity was reminded what else inhabits this world.”

“Mary… Mary what are you going to do?” Stoker whispered at last, pulling himself to his feet and moving to the bars. “Think about this logically, Mary, please. You don’t know what you’re meddling in!”

“Don’t I?” Mary hissed, holding the forgery up over her head. “I think it’s time the world remembered the name Van Hellsing.”

Stoker shuddered as Mary suddenly tossed the book into the air. As his eyes followed it upwards a huge set of clawed feet raked down and ripped the pages to shreds. The large, human-sized bat shrieked and howled into the air as it took back to the shadows of the cavern walls. Mary began to laugh as she turned on her heel.

“Mary—Mary wait!” Stoker called desperately. “Don’t do this! You don’t know what you’re doing! Mary! MARY!”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jigen isn't scared of heights but you'd never have guessed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=ZXYjr6NxQvmoFvgeb85IBA)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme, so instead listen to Lupin's theme (Never Dance Again - Battle Tapes Remix), Jigen's theme (Cheap Thrills) and Maiko's theme (Nothing Personal).

“I don’t want to say it Lupin—”

“Then don’t…”

“We’re going in circles,” Jigen dropped his arms noisily to his side and stopped walking. Up ahead he watched Lupin slowly do the same, the smoke coiling from the thief’s mouth ebbing away in his controlled frustration. Jigen’s own eyes were beginning to tire.

“I think we’re gonna need a better plan,” the gunman placed his hands on his hips, “and I think it starts with going back out into the museum itself. We might need to be absent from this meeting.”

“I just don’t understand… I can’t hear or feel them, you can’t see them. If someone did ambush them how the hell did they get them out of the museum before we noticed?”

“You got me, man,” Jigen held out his hands hopelessly, “but wandering around down here isn’t going to do anyone any good—least of all Fujiko and Goemon. Let’s head back to the entrance and we can—”

Both men startled as a loud bark of laughter sounded from behind them. They scrambled for a second before leaping across the hall and tucking them behind a very thin cover thrown over a scaffolding. They crouched down, side-to-side and hoped desperately nobody turned on any lights or they’d be toast for sure.

The doors leading out to the museum entryway were pushed open and four boisterous men walked through with two guards trailing them. The guards held lanterns—battery powered but made to look like flame—and the four men did their best to stay within the illuminated path. The guards ushered them down a small corridor Jigen and Lupin had explored quite thoroughly. The thieves looked at one another and then carefully crept forward to peer around the corner.

“Aaacho!” one of the men sneezed loudly, pulling a cloth from his pocket and dabbing at his nose, “I certainly hope the rest of this evening takes place in a more maintained room,” he groaned in a congested drawl.

“Of course, sir,” answered one of the guards, unphased. He and his companion ushered the four men to the center of the room.

“Ms.Vonegeil simply wanted to make sure no one would bother you this evening and has hidden everything away in the wing being restored.”

“Hmm, clever girl that one,” prodded one of the other men, rounding his hands in front of himself to imply an ample bosom. 

Lupin felt his blood start to boil and he sneered. Jigen frowned and carefully elbowed the other man in the side, watching smoke start to rise once more.

“Cool it, Lupin,” Jigen whispered urgently, “we can teach these guys a lesson in manners after we figure out what’s going on here. You keep firing up like that and we’ll be found out.”

Lupin could only nod, pursing his lips and dousing the flame. His heart still pounded in his ears though. He knew the type of men these were just by watching them and listening to their tone. They were the scum of the earth. Men like them were always somehow on the right side of the law while men like Lupin were always squarely outside it. It didn’t matter that men like this treated the rest of humanity like pets or slaves—only that they paid off the right people and put on a good show. The whole thing made Lupin violently ill.

“Please watch your step,” one of the guards said as he and his companion approached two very old looking sconces on the wall. As Jigen and Lupin—and the four gathered men—watched the guards pulled on the sconces in unison, stopped halfway for a count of two, then lowered them all the way flush against the wall once more. A loud grinding of gears shook dust from the ceiling and caused one of the men to enter a fit of coughing. One of the others slapped him heartily on the back, laughing at his misfortune.

The floor in front of the men began to change and as the cranking sound got louder a large set of stairs was revealed to have been hidden in the floor. They descended down under the room and out towards the front of the museum, clearly running underneath the front of the grounds versus under the museum itself. The men hesitated only for a second before starting their trip.

Lupin grinned a little and turned to catch Jigen’s eyes as the guards started to leave. The friends met eyes and Lupin waggled his eyebrows before jerking his head towards the guards. That was all it took to convey his plan. Jigen nodded with a small smirk of his own. In unison as if one creature the men slowly slid backwards so as not to be spotted when the guards left the room.

Jigen poised himself in a crouch as Lupin seemed to vanish entirely. As the guards stepped through the doorway Jigen stood up and cleared his throat.

“Hey, is there a bathroom down this way I really gotta take a leak,” Jigen chuckled, jerking his thumb behind him. The two guards took only a second to be surprised before turning to make towards Jigen. 

The gunman watched the shadows behind them expectantly. Slowly a figure began to rise and take form—and rise, and rise, and rise. Lupin’s head nearly touched the ceiling, causing him to hunch his shoulders. His arms and legs became stretched and ganglier than usual, in-human, grotesque almost. The fire that licked at his cheeks from his lips started up again and smoke poured from his mouth and the corners of his eyes.

“Yeah uh, never mind. I think he’s got a far more urgent question,” Jigen held up his hands and pointed at Lupin as the guards reached out to grab his arms. The men turned and barely had time to breath in to scream before Lupin’s hands phased through their foreheads and effectively knocked them unconscious.

“Show-off,” Jigen sighed as he began stripping one of the men. He could feel Lupin returning to a much more human form in the distance.

“Oh come on; you can’t throw me an opportunity like that and expect me not to cut loose!” Lupin laughed, grabbing the other guard and doing the same.

A few moments later—after activating the switch on the wall in the same way they’d observed—the duo were headed down the stairs disguised as museum guards. The hat looked decidedly more appropriate on Jigen’s head than Lupin’s. As they made their way under the floor of the room above, Jigen whistled in awe. The corridor before them easily stretched the whole museum and grounds and then some. There were hallways upon hallways upon hallways. Luckily for the duo the main hallway was lit with real, honest-to-God torches and it was easy enough to deduce which direction the four men had gone it. Lupin glanced over at Jigen and made a sweeping bow.

“After you,” Lupin purred.

“Gee, thanks,” Jigen stepped down into the corridor, “this is some creepy shit right here, Lupin.”

“Are your heebie jeebies back?”

“Yeah and they brought friends.”

The duo paused and glanced back up the stairs as a voice floated down towards them.

“—just down these stairs. Awfully thematic, I apologize. It’s par for the course,” Maiko laughed. She led Zenigata and Toshiko down into the hallway, frowning as her eyes landed upon Jigen and Lupin. She met their eyes and scowled before turning back to her guests. 

“If you’ll just keep following the torches here—it’s down just a bit further. There’s a big open ball room of sorts. Impossible to miss. I’ll be right along,” Maiko waved them forward as she stepped towards her ‘guards.’

Lupin and Jigen quickly turned their heads, bowing them a little as the Zenigatas passed. Lupin wanted to look up at meet the inspector’s gaze—he could feel it on him, curiously—but he refrained and held his breath instead. Once they were out of earshot Maiko scoffed loudly in disgust.

“Are you two really just dawdling here? Didn’t I give you explicit instructions?” Maiko hissed, seconds away from slapping Jigen and Lupin.

“Sorry, ma’am,” Jigen answered quickly, elbowing Lupin.

“Y-yeah, sorry,” he muttered.

“I don’t need your apologies, I need you to do as you’re told. Now go below and make sure our prisoners are ready for their introduction,” Maiko pointed down another corridor before hurriedly making off to catch up with her guests.

“You see that? Rookie mistake,” Lupin muttered under his breath.

“Never hire more faces than you can commit to memory,” Jigen agreed, shaking his head like a disappointed teacher. They turned down the indicated hallway. 

“Prisoners, huh?” Lupin shook his head, “on the off chance it isn’t Fujiko and Goemon, I still don’t like it.”

“Yeah with those suits up ahead who knows what kind of introduction she has planned, or what the entertainment is supposed to be,” Jigen shuddered.

“Times like these I kind of understand why Goemon and Fujiko get a little misty eyed remembering the good ol’ days,” Lupin chuckled darkly. He paused as the hall took a sharp turn and opened into a very steep, single-file staircase down into a rocky and unfinished cavern.

“Oh you’ve gotta be freakin’ kidding’ me,” Jigen grumbled, peering over Lupin’s shoulder into the depths they had been instructed to go, “Goemon owes me a drink for this.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's what we call foreshadowing...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=T7NaJBx_QkyEYUxnXOkmAQ)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Destruction.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Toshiko,” Zenigata said carefully as he and his daughter continued down the dark hallways under the museum, “but I’m not sure I like that Maiko.”

“You know, dad, I’m starting to question her myself,” Toshiko sighed, “she was different in college. She lost her dad when she was really young and we kind of bonded over broken families,” Toshiko said and then winced, turning quickly and grabbing her father by the upper arms, “because you and mom were divorced!” She spat quickly, “you never once made me feel like I was from a broken home but—it is odd having your parents just suddenly be two separate homes and families, that’s all.”

Zenigata smiled and shook his head.

“Nah, you don’t need to explain anything to me. Your mom and I—we could have done better by you. Everyone needs a little extra support now and then,” the inspector started down the hallway again. “Was Maiko this uh—”

“—Theatrical?”

“—in college?”

“Not really, I mean nothing like this,” Toshiko waved a hand at the sconces, “this feels like a bad Dracula movie.”

“She could be putting on a show for those donors she mentioned?”

“I guess so, and that whole thing still… still irritates me,” Toshiko shook her head, “the professor and I were straight forward with Maiko when we arranged this whole thing. She knew we wanted to go over the book—carefully—from cover-to-cover. Having an audience is really going to make this whole thing hard.” ‘More like impossible,’ Toshiko thought to herself, ‘especially since Stoker is the one with the forgery!’

“In college did you two—er, I mean, were you…?”

“Nuh uh, no way,” Toshiko said with a small laugh, “Maiko is far too high maintenance for me, plus her tastes have always strictly been men. She uh… she’s not really the type to settle down,” Toshiko said carefully, not sure why she didn’t just come out with it: the plan was shot to hell anyway. Perhaps it was because she wanted her father to think she only associated with good people. She didn’t want him to worry.

“She seems like she might uh—be looking for an adrenaline rush rather than a relationship.”

“That’s—yeah that’s a really good way to put it.”

“One-one more thing, Toshiko,” Zenigata paused and this time it was his turn to grab his daughter’s arm as they neared what had to be the aforementioned ballroom. He met her eyes—a dark bronze color, like his own—and brushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I have a really bad feeling about all of this,” he started, looking away, “so if things get… if things get crazy, just promise you’ll stay out of trouble? Run if I tell you to run, ok? Don’t try and—”

“I promise,” Toshiko interrupted, smiling.

The duo squared their shoulders and stepped into the large room. Both of them immediately exhaled in awe. The room was huge, a natural cave that was smoothed out and decorated with just enough luxury to make it the perfect place for a rich gala. The cavern walls were just treated enough to still look amazingly old and natural without holding any of the smells or life of a real cavern. There were a few tables, a fully stocked and staffed bar off to one side, and at the far end a raised area of sorts that looked to be some kind of stage or platform. The four men—whom were easily identified as the donors by their suits and snobbish looks—were gathered around the bar. 

Toshiko felt a small surge of relief. She knew now that even with the professor and the forgery they would never have pulled off this switch. It didn’t make anything better in the long run but at least immediately she felt a bit more relaxed. Failure had always been her biggest fear and at least in this she can say truly she had no other options but to abort the plan. She also felt incredibly comforted by the weight of her gun at her side. Maiko couldn’t have anything incredibly diabolic planned if she’d let Toshiko and her father keep their guns.

Zenigata craned his neck upward to stare at the chandelier above them. If he had though the one upstairs was impressive this one made that one look like a child’s toy. Numbers weren’t Zenigata’s strong suit but if he was a betting man he’d bet the whole damn thing was twice his own height, meaning roughly twelve feet long. It was at least six feet across at it’s mid-section that much was certain. It was a death trap too—full of heavy crystal shards, glass, wiring and steel support? Zenigata made sure to walk around where it might fall.

Toshiko eyed the bar with a pang of want—a nice hard whiskey would really put her more at ease—but she didn’t want to deal with the gathered donors at present. She could tell a couple of them were already getting ideas. She almost wanted them to try something with her father present (not that she couldn’t handle herself; she was a highly skilled martial artist) because she would have loved to see him take them all down like the pigs they—most likely—were. Instead she settled for moving up along one of the opposite walls, pressing her hand against it and trying to imagine what it must have been like in the cavern before it was altered.

Zenigata made his way towards the bar and sat down a few stools away from the donors. 

“Uh bourbon, please, single,” Zenigata asked politely of the bar tender, who nodded and turned to oblige. 

“Hey, buddy,” called one of the donors, snapping to get the inspector’s attention. Zenigata reluctantly turned to meet the man’s eyes. “That’s a damn fine looking piece you brought with you,” the man started. Zenigata knitted his eyebrows together and looked down at his holster. The four donors erupted into laughter and Zenigata wasn’t quite sure why but it made him resoundingly uncomfortable. He took his bourbon and stalked away from the table back to Toshiko.

“What’s so funny?” Toshiko asked as she heard her father come up behind her.

“Me, I think,” he sighed, shaking his head. Toshiko glanced over her shoulder at the men, sneering as she watched a few lewd gestures pass between them.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” she pointed to the cave wall for a change in subject, “what do you think they’ve lacquered this place with?”

Zenigata reached out and touched the wall, frowning. It was somehow soft and his hand ran over it smoothly like porcelain. It was very disquieting to see the rough rock but not feel the stone. 

“I don’t know but I really don’t like this. Maybe we should—” the inspector stopped as the donors at the bar started clapping. He and Toshiko turned as Maiko walked into the room, trailed by two guards. The woman smiled and waved coyly at the donors and then turned her gaze towards Zenigata and Toshiko. Her eyes lit up and she headed in their direction purposefully.

“I am so sorry for the delay,” she cooed as she moved between them, taking one of their arms in each of hers, “but we’re just about ready to begin now.”

“Maiko, I’m not sure I like this. I mean—the professor is still missing, I think I may file a legitimate police report. He wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Toshiko said quietly even as she and her father let Maiko lead them towards the stage.

“I am sure he’s fine, my sweet Toshiko,” Maiko assured, at least partially genuinely, “he’s an old man after all and not nearly as spry and fit as your father.”

Zenigata frowned as Maiko turned to look at him, winking in a none-too-subtle expression that even the inspector picked up on immediately. His cheeks went red and he cleared his throat and looked away. 

Maiko slowly slid her arm free of her escorts and stepped up onto the stage. Zenigata and Toshiko turned to watch her as the donors stood and moved a little closer. Toshiko felt her father put a hand on the small of her back and she could nearly feel his pulse through the contact. Just like her he knew something was about to happen and they both knew it would not be good. She glanced over at her father and gave the smallest of nods as her hand moved to rest near her holster and he followed suit.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sealed with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=2bfyDP1CSrmdjQFCHvaKwA)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme, so instead listen to Lupin's theme (Never Dance Again), Jigen's theme (Cheap Thrills), Fujiko's theme (Earthbound) and Goemon's theme (Go West Young Man (Predator)).

“How much further down are we gonna go!”

Stoker jumped to his feet as a voice came around the corner. He pressed himself tightly to the bars, shoving a hand through and waving frantically.

“Hello? Hello is someone there!” The professor moved back just slightly as two young men rounded the corner and looked at him in a sort of expected confusion, if that made any sense. It was as if they knew what they would find but not what it would look like. Without his glasses—the humidity was giving him a headache—he couldn’t identify them at all.

“Who the heck are you?” Jigen asked, frowning at the old man.

“My name is Graham Stoker and I—”

“Wait, like Braham Stoker? The author?” Lupin chuckled, reaching out and shaking the man’s hand, “it’s an honor to meet you!”

“I—well yes—likewise thank you, uhh, to the matter at hand..?” 

“Oh, right, yeah,” Lupin pulled back and rubbed at the back of his neck. He stared at the bars curiously and then pressed his face against them to peer into the cell as well. 

“How in hell did they get you in there?” Jigen snorted, craning his neck and squinting his eyes to look up at the ceiling, “there’s no door and if somebody as skinny as Lupin can’t squeeze through then there’s no way they just pushed you through old man, no offense.”

“None taken, but I’m afraid I don’t have the answer. I was chloroformed and when I woke up I was here.”

“Anyone taken responsibility for this little adult daycare situation?” Lupin pressed, still trying to figure things out in his head.

“Y-yes, Mary Van Hellsing.”

“Come again?”

“She goes by-by Maiko Vonegeil now, as a cover perhaps? She’s the museum curator.”

“See I told you I didn’t like that bitch,” Jigen hissed, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I never doubted your assessment,” Lupin tilted his head far to one side, “give my associate and I just a second, would you?” The thief grabbed Jigen’s arm and pulled him back a little bit, lowering his voice to a whisper, “so I figured it out but I’m not sure how this is gonna help us.”

“Clue me in,” Jigen began fishing in his pockets for a cigarette, knowing he was about to need one.

“Check out the floor near the columns, you see those scratches?”

“Son of a bitch.”

“Somebody strong dragged those there—somebody stronger than just about any human weight-lifter I’ve ever met.”

“I might be able to move a couple if you buy me some time. I can’t do it like this either but the guy is blind as bat so I don’t think that’ll be too much of an issue as long as you can distract him a little.”

“Yeah, I’m on it,” Lupin patted Jigen’s cheek and the gunman scoffed. “Ok professor, we’ve got a plan.”

“What is it?”

“Well first, I want you to tell me everything you can about this Van Hellsing woman,” Lupin moved up and leaned against one of the columns, blocking Jigen from immediate view.

“I used to work with her father,” professor Stoker began as Jigen doubled over slightly, “we were good friends growing up and both got into the same line of work. It took us away from our families quite frequently but we—we loved it,” the professor’s voice was laden with guilt, Jigen bit back a groan as his muscles shifted. “Mary is his daughter, his only daughter. I met her when she was younger—while her father was alive we used to have frequent gatherings and Mary was always delighted to show off for the adults,” the professor rubbed at the bridge of his nose and Jigen rolled his shoulders as all five eyes opened. “When she was eight her father and I went of on another of our excavations and it—it didn’t end well. We were both reckless, he and I, and it was only a matter of time before one of us paid the price for it,” Jigen bared sharpened, elongated teeth and braced himself against a column. “Her father fell into a pit and we had—we had no way to even retrieve his body. It was terrible and I was a coward. After his death I couldn’t bear to face his family, knowing what I had taken from them.”

“Seems to me like it was an accident,” Lupin comforted, trying to cover the sounds of Jigen groaning against the column.

“His death was, though it took me years to admit that. My cowardice however was purposeful. I couldn’t even write them a letter,” the professor scoffed. “It seems—it seems by hiding myself away with my sorrow I did more damage than I realized. Mary—Mary is going to do something horrible I fear and I don’t think she has any idea of the forces she’s meddling with,” the professor’s voice suddenly took on a desperate tone. “If you can’t free me you must at least find a way to stop her! She’s a good person, a good soul… she’s just in so much pain.”

“Eh, why not both?” Jigen purred breathlessly, stepping away from where he had slid two of the columns aside just enough. He grinned tiredly at Lupin, teeth slowly returning to a more human state.

“I-I don’t understand how but—thank you!” The professor gasped earnestly as he slipped out of the bars and reached for Jigen and Lupin’s hands. “I think Mary might have more people down here, as sad as it makes me to think she’s keeping people locked up. I haven’t heard anything certain but occasionally I hear what sounds like straining and perhaps chains being rattled.”

“Can’t hurt to have a look,” Jigen squeezed the old man’s hand.

“Take those stairs out, go right down the hall and then up the large stairs there, that’ll put you in the wing of the museum that’s being restored,” Lupin explained as he turned the professor towards the stairs. “From there the EXIT signs should be visible even without your glasses,” the thief chuckled lightly.

“Thank you—Thank you,” professor Stoker exclaimed then turned and quickly made his way to freedom.

“Huh, Zenigata’s kid is working with Braham Stoker’s descendant,” Lupin laughed.

“C’mon Lupin, I still don’t like this,” Jigen started further into the cave. 

It looked like it was used rather frequently but not by anyone who was intentionally marking the place as owned. The cave’s natural structure was being beautifully utilized and only every now and again were there signs that people actually moved things down there. The torches were a dead give away though.

The duo turned into a very, very large open cavern and hesitated. Towards the center of the room was a platform, hung a few inches off the ground by four huge chains. The chains were pulled up to the ceiling and through a series of pulleys which clearly indicated the whole platform was rigged to lift into the ceiling—presumably to the floor of whatever room was above. On the platform was what looked like some kind of pulpit behind what was obviously a table made for a sacrifice of human size. Behind the pulpit was a large table draped in thematic black cloth, and tied to large poles on either side of the sacrificial table were—

“Goemon!”

“Fujiko!”

Lupin and Jigen threw caution to the wind and immediately climbed up onto the platform. Goemon and Fujiko were practically dressed in ropes and bindings with gags in their mouths and their hands secured painfully tight behind them. They both appeared to be sleeping or unconscious. 

“Goemon, hey, Goemon,” Jigen crouched down in front of the samurai and gently patted his cheek. He leaned forward and began removing the gag as dark eyes fluttered open. “Good morning, sunshine,” the gunman snickered as he pulled away the gag.

“Jigen—is Fujiko—” 

“She’s right here, Lupin’s working on getting her free as we speak. Let’s get you two out of here and we can—”

Jigen lurched forward and saw Lupin tumble away from Fujiko as the platform began to lift. Jigen and Lupin glanced at each other and then to their bound companions. There was no way they would be able to untie them in time. The chains were rolling slowly but not slowly enough, and any minute now the doors above them would open. Jigen looked down at Goemon and saw the same thoughts racing through the samurai’s head.

“Put the gag back,” Goemon instructed, tossing his head to slide hair out of the way, “you and Lupin hide. There is no way to know what is up there.”

“I hate it when you’re right,” Jigen sighed, moving to replace the gag. Goemon smirked and the gunman changed his mind. He cupped Goemon’s face and leaned in for a kiss, replacing the gag as he reluctantly pulled away. 

“Lupin, don’t you dare even think about kissing me right—” Fujiko started but her words were instantly muffled as Lupin replaced her gag. Giggling he darted across the platform and slid under the table with Jigen. The duo braced themselves against the legs as the ceiling above them opened up and the platform rose into place.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My shit-hits-the-fan o'meter is off the charts!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=clxdeSUSQiycKDnKIQ-Sbw)
> 
> This chapter is definitely made to be read to Nothing Personal and Destruction.

“Gathered friends and honored donors,” Maiko called into the echoing cavern as she took the stage, “thank you so much for your patience with me this evening. I know we are well behind schedule. Hopefully it will all be worth it,” the curator grinned wickedly as she strolled across the stage to a rather large lever. 

It seemed almost out of place but then again this whole thing seemed a little over-the-top for just one really old book, Zenigata thought. He still felt jumpy and ready to spring and could tell Toshiko was right there with him. The inspector had been a little crushed when he’d gotten word that his daughter had removed herself from the police academy all those years ago but now he was more grateful than ever that she’d at least had some training under her belt. He’d had no idea her line of work put her into situations like this and it would help him sleep at night seeing her so ready to act.

“I’d like to make this evening about big speeches, about changing the world, about what we can achieve when we come together—but honestly nobody is here to listen to me talk,” Maiko continued, placing a hand on her chest with a chuckle, “we’re all here to read a book…”

Toshiko nearly jumped out of her skin as Maiko waved towards the back of the room. The two guards who had entered with her walked forward and it was only then that Maiko realized one of them was carrying a large wrapped item: a large and rectangular wrapped item. She barely held in a gasp as she realized they were carrying the book—out in the open and exposed to so much dust and oil. She was instantly furious. 

Her anger doubled—and she hadn’t known that was possible—as Maiko reached out, took the book from her guard, and unwrapped it. She slid her hands over the cover, ungloved, as if the book were a lover. 

The guards moved towards the lever and waited until Maiko nodded at them. The moment they pulled the machine into action Zenigata unclipped his holster and rested his hand firmly on his gun. If something bad was going to happen it was starting right then. He glanced down and noticed Toshiko had not moved towards her gun but was instead staring at Maiko and almost visibly vibrating in anger.

Maiko flipped open the book and murmurs spread across the donors for even they knew she should not have been touching something so old and priceless with bare hands. She did not seem to care or even notice as she lovingly flipped through a few pages, the sound adding a strange increasing tempo as she hurried to find whatever passage she was looking for. 

“Ahh, here we are,” Maiko purred as the gears became louder. She began reading and it was a language Zenigata could not place. It sounded as old as it was and somehow it also sounded incredibly familiar. The words moved together like one long, low sound and it seemed impossible that a human could make such a noise or understand it to be singular words and phrases.

Maiko’s voice was accompanied by the sudden hissing and groaning of the floor opening up beside her. A trap door—which Zenigata smacked himself for not noticing—opened slowly beneath the chandelier and a platform began to rise to fill the gap. Everyone gathered gasped and backed away even further as they saw the strange and incredibly cult-like objects on the platform. A table outfitted with shackles roughly the size and shape of a human, a podium, a blackened table and two completely bound prisoners. 

“This is bad,” Zenigata whispered to Toshiko, leaning forward to make sure it was for her ears only. She nodded vigorously but Zenigata shook his head slightly, “I would recognize those two anywhere. That’s Goemon Ishikawa and Fujiko Mine… two of Lupin’s cohorts and people I have spent my whole career trying to capture and this woman has both of them.”

Toshiko shook her head again in disbelief, only able to tear her eyes away from Maiko briefly enough to investigate the bound figures. Her eyes were instantly back on Maiko as she continued to read from the book as if delivering a commencement speech. Every time her fingers brushed the page Toshiko felt a shock of electricity run up her spine. She—and likely she alone—knew all the risks and understood just what was happening. To everyone else it was dark and spiritual and frightening but to Toshiko it was just the beginning.

Maiko rounded the front of the platform and stopped reading. She quickly turned an angry eye to the guards on the stage. She pointed to the empty table.

“Where is the old man?” She demanded. “Find him! Find him now!”

“Old man?” Toshiko replied, emboldened as the guards bolted from the room. She felt her father grip at her upper arm. “Do you mean the professor? What’s going on, Maiko!”

“Oh sweet, sweet Toshiko,” the curator purred, stepping onto the platform, “you just have no idea what’s really going on, do you? You have no idea who that man really is.”

Goemon narrowed his eyes as the woman stepped onto the platform. She was the woman Jigen had indicated on the shuttle, the museum curator, and the one who had been in the hotel seemingly only to warn Jigen. Why? What game was she playing? She was very clearly the one in charge here—Goemon could feel the kind of raw excitement pouring off of her that villains usually gave off when they finally got to reveal their hand.

Fujiko twisted her hands but the painful ties didn’t budge an inch. She kept her eyes on the donors nearer to her than trying to crane around to watch Maiko. She wasn’t under the impression she could get any of them to assist her, but she had become good at reading people. There was no way she’d be able to watch Maiko close enough to get an idea of what was coming next—but these men? These men were open books and if she concentrated on them she might get enough of a warning before things got any worse.

Lupin and Jigen stared at one another silently. It was a tactic they used quite frequently when the stakes were just entirely immeasurable. They were reassuring one another that they were still alive; they were dropping all distractions to focus entirely upon what was happening; they were gathering information; they were waiting to see when the other had a plan; they were confirming that everything would turn out all right. They had been in worse situations, right?

Lupin slowly turned his eyes towards the back of the table and Jigen nodded. Carefully, as slowly and quietly as they could, the both lifted a corner of the black drape and peered out. They were staring at an empty stage inside what had to be an even larger cavern than the one below. There were no people or eyes immediately on them from this angle and so they crept out a little further. Jigen hesitated as he caught sight of shadows before Lupin but the other thief was not far behind him. Jigen shifted and tilted his head to get a better view while keeping as concealed as possible and quickly identified Zenigata and a young woman who had to be his daughter. Lupin on the other hand counted the four suits he and Jigen had been tailing only moments before. Both men froze as Maiko started speaking again from a much closer position. 

“That man is a killer, Toshiko, and a coward,” Maiko began.

“I think you’re confused, Maiko,” Toshiko snarled but paused as Zenigata pulled her a little rougher than before, clearly trying to get her to stop feeding in to Maiko.

“No, you just don’t know the whole story. You see, Maiko isn’t my real name—it’s a fake I used to get close to you and the professor without being found out. My family and his family go back thousands of years, feuding and loving alike. My father and Graham Stoker were the closets of friends. He used to visit on birthdays, holidays, whenever they were in town… but he was a crook and a murderer even then, we just didn’t see it.”

Maiko moved to the podium and set the book down carefully. She smoothed her hands over the pages as Goemon turned to glare at her.

“My father trusted Professor Stoker and fell to his death because of it. He was ripped away from us brutally and Stoker didn’t even have the courage to tell us himself. He took my father away at every opportunity so much so that I frequently did not recognize him when he came home… and then when the man died to pick up some trinket, the bastard couldn’t even face us. He left me a broken girl, confused about why her father had left her,” Maiko balled her hand into a fist at her side as she slowly turned to look at the Zenigatas. “Not all of us are so lucky.”

Lupin caught Jigen’s eye and mouthed ‘that’s Mary Van Hellsing’. To which Jigen responded ‘no shit’.

“Look, I’m not sure what’s going on here Ms.Vonegeil but—” Inspector Zenigata attempted but was stopped immediately by a scoff and a dismissive wave from Maiko.

“My name is Mary Van Hellsing, Inspector, and you had best remember it.”

“Ms.Hellsing!” Cried the guards as they stumbled back into the room. “He’s gone! The old man is gone. His cell is empty!”

“Find him!” Mary bellowed, slamming her fist into the book, “I won’t let him take anything else from me. We’ll just proceed without him and he can have a much more private show later.”

“I’m warning you, ma’am,” Zenigata continued, stepping forward a little.

Mary turned and met his eyes and then began reading once more. Zenigata shook his head and moved as if to step onto the platform.

Goemon and Fujiko suddenly sucked in a sharp gasp, locking up against the poles and their bindings. As Mary continued reading they both re-doubled their struggles to try and look at her as the ropes around them started to glow a ghastly gold. As the words continued to fill the air it was Fujiko who screamed first, a muffled howl of pain against her gag.

Lupin and Jigen were almost instantly heads-above-the-table as they heard Fujiko’s voice through the gag. They still had the slight advantage of being behind most of the action but would now be seen almost assuredly had anyone dared to look. A combination of fear and anger washed over them as they watched their companions struggling against the bonds. 

“I don’t think anyone likes your bed time story,” Lupin called as he pushed away and then stepped up onto the table.

“Yeah, story time is officially over,” Jigen echoed, doing the same and removing his gun.

“Lupin!” Zenigata shouted in habit, but did not move from where he’d stopped.

“Fancy meeting you here, pops,” Lupin chuckled, “I didn’t know you were into this kind of thing.”

“I’ll deal with you later,” Zenigata threatened.

“Uh, guys? She’s reading faster… and that doesn’t look good!” Jigen hissed.

Mary was indeed reading faster, gold light started to spill off the pages of the book as if she’d opened a spigot in its spine. The light poured down the podium and began racing towards Fujiko and Goemon. The minute it touched them they both howled and began struggling harder, their breathing becoming ragged and loud.

“Oh shit,” Jigen said as he stepped off the table towards Mary. He turned quickly to look at Lupin as the realization dawned on him as well. They had seen their companions drop their human facades before and it always sounded the same… like a hundred dogs locked in a hot car.

“Everybody run!” Jigen shouted as all hell broke loose.

The four donors were seconds away from heeding Jigen’s advice before he gave it. They turned like a gaggle of scared geese and tripped over one another to get to the door first. Zenigata launched himself onto the platform with Toshiko right behind him, both moving towards Mary with purpose. Lupin and Jigen crossed paths and made bee-lines for Goemon and Fujiko. It all happened in the blink of an eye but it was not fast enough.

Goemon and Fujiko stood and surged through their bonds, spilling the gold light out wards like a bush fire as pieces of illuminated rope filled the air like confetti. Mary ducked, folding and tucking the book under her arm, turning backwards towards the stage. Zenigata skidded to a halt and reached for Toshiko. Lupin and Jigen leapt, arms outstretched, and attempted to subdue their companions.

Time returned to normal as Lupin and Jigen were tossed across the room like ragdolls, and Mary leapt over the table running towards the stage. Zenigata and Toshiko quickly ran off the platform and towards the door where the four donors were still struggling to make headway.

Zenigata’s eyes grew wide as he watched Goemon and Fujiko, unable to tear his eyes away.

The delicate, curvy, feminine Fujiko grew at least three feet taller, her shoulders becoming broad and her thighs bursting through her skirt. Nine long, almost tentacle like tails burst from her lower back and fanned out behind her like a Lovecraftian peacock. Her body lurched forward and her arms grew longer to catch herself giving her the body shape of an ape—able to walk on all fours or her hind legs without having the rest of her body be altered. Her bosom shrunk and then expanded downwards, small teats appearing down the length of her torso like a dog’s. Her ears rose towards the top of her head, becoming furred in a color that nearly matched her reddish hair, and once there they flattened instantly. Her upper and lower jaws extended out from her skull like a child was playing with too much silly putty. The bones and muscles reshaped and formed what appeared to be the muzzle of a fox. However when she opened her mouth to howl again the muzzle opened into four separate, petaled pieces like easily the worst flower in the world. Each petal had its own row of teeth and seemed entirely functional on its own, merging together as she closed her mouth only enough to give the appearance of a single muzzle once more. Her eyes became round as the sun and two be came three in a triangle over her nose. They stared ahead as dead, white orbs.

Goemon too seemed first to gain height and width outside the normal human range. His skin became taunt and crackled like scales or a frog who had spent too long in the sun. His feet grew too large for his shoes and lengthened, his heel popping off the floor as his toes became dangerous, webbed claws. Ridges began to rise down his legs, up his arms and along his sides like the sandpaper sharp skin of a shark. His hands became huge, webbed things easily capable of holding a man’s entire head. From his back split a long, thick, writhing tail armored like a crocodile. His skin then took on a blue gray hue as he threw back his head with a howl much like Fujiko’s. As he did so his face seemed to continue leaning backwards at his chin and a slit crossed his throat like a suicide pact. However blood did not pour from this wound but instead a large, gaping maw became exposed, like some kind of carnivorous frog-creature was wearing a Goemon mask. It closed its maw and the mask returned, stone-faced and emotionless, with exaggeratedly slanted, glowing eyes searching the crowd before him.

Zenigata found himself stuttering, unsure if his heart was still beating in his chest. It was Toshiko’s turn to take action and she shoved at her father, pushing him backwards and urgently to the escape. Function and reality seemed to find Zenigata once more and he grabbed Toshiko’s wrist as they both turned to leave.

Fujiko moved first and she was fast as lightning. She seemed to suddenly appear where she had not been before and the force of her arrival gave off a delayed thunder. Zenigata and Toshiko skidded as her eyes fell onto the four donors. She leapt forward and opened her mouths into a wide bellow, fitting almost the man’s entire head into her teeth and sinking her hands into his shoulders to hold him still as she feasted on his still screaming face.

“Ho-holy shit,” Zenigata gasped.

Goemon ran closer to the ground, hunched over like his own weight was too much to carry on land. He surged up behind the donors like a tidal wave and opened his own horrific mouth. The sound of drilling or of chainsaw powering through thick wood echoed in the cavern as the mouth under the Goemon mask slowly but surely devoured another donor from the head down, leaving behind a spray of blood and viscera.

“Holy shit!” Zenigata repeated.

“Pops! You two gotta get out of here!” Lupin cried as he and Jigen regained their feet and approached quickly, sliding towards Zenigata and Toshiko. “Make for the exit and don’t look back—Jigen and I will take care of them.” 

“Lupin wha—I—”

“Trust me, Zenigata,” Lupin urged stepping back, “just this once.”

Zenigata felt something in his psyche break loose as Lupin began to smoke from the mouth, fire just visible behind his impish smirk. Jigen too, upon quick glance, seemed to be undergoing some kind of transformation himself. Zenigata had seen enough.

Toshiko turned quickly to stare at Mary, clutching the book to her chest on the stage. The younger Zenigata pointed violently towards her.

“Now who’s a murderer, Mary! This is your fault! This isn’t over!”

Zenigata took a breath and then he and Toshiko dove between Goemon and Fujiko, making their way towards the remaining donors and their next meal. Lupin and Jigen shouted from somewhere behind the father and daughter. Good shoes were no match against what the demons had spilled and the two could barely keep their footing as they slammed into the doors and then, blessedly, through to the illuminated hallway beyond.

With speeds that almost surpassed what a human was capable of, they tore out of the hallway, up the stairs, through the renovation wing and into the entry hall of the museum. As they started for the doors they could see a huge padlock that neither of them had any chance of breaking through.

“The window!” Shouted Zenigata, pointing to the large, stained glass scene adjacent the doors.

In unison they removed their guns and fired three quick rounds each, easily preparing the glass for what was to come. Tucking their heads down and blocking their faces with their forearms they both leapt into the glass. The sound of shattering glass—something working like it was supposed to—was almost musical and the crunching of it under their shoes as they stumbled the landing was comforting.

“We—we gotta—we…” Zenigata panted, catching his breath as he turned to stare at the museum, dumbfounded. Toshiko grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the stairs.

“Keep moving, dad,” she instructed, barely able to breathe herself, “keep going.”

As the duo stumbled quickly down the stairs in some kind of barely controlled mental breakdown, a car sped around the circle out front. The wheels skidded to a halt on the cobble stone and the window of the maroon colored SUV quickly retracted. Professor Stoker unlocked the doors and immediately began shouting.

“Get in! Quickly!”

Toshiko shoved her father towards the back and waited until he’d opened his door before doing the same. They were barely inside, with doors still hanging slightly ajar, as the professor gunned the gas and sped out of the museum.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna hurt you more than it hurts me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Whiplash.

Jigen and Lupin let themselves go completely, giving in to the full physical form of their abilities in a rare opportunity to do so. They were still quite humanoid compared to the oni Fujiko and Goemon, but at least they stood more of a chance than the four suits souped up on the floor.

Lupin sneered in an uncharacteristically vile way, turning his smoke and flames mouth towards Mary and pointing at her with one long finger. His whole frame vibrated as he prepared to take on his friend, sometimes lover and companion, because some bitch had stepped in shit she didn’t understand.

“I’m going to eat your heart after this,” Lupin threatened—promised—before turning to the fray.

He was almost as tall as the oni but slender as a flag pole. Where the oni had muscle and power he had dexterity and speed. His skin looked tense, taunt and ashen gray. His eyes seemed hollow and smoke poured from them in continuous waves—color changing from white to dark black and every shade of gray between according to Lupin’s mood. The same smoke poured from the corners of his mouth. His lips held back a fire which could be seen raging behind his teeth when he opened it loud enough to really speak or yell. His whole body seemed to vibrate or pulse to a specific rhythm—his heart—which pounded visibly almost out of his chest.

Jigen shuffled forward and lifted his hands, approaching the beast that was the swordsman Goemon. The oni was still sniffing around the pieces of flesh it had haphazardly distributed about the area.

“Hey, Goemon,” Jigen started in a voice far too low to have come out of him, “it’s Jigen. You know me.” 

Jigen was by far the most human of the lot, at least from a glance. His height altered only a touch beyond normal, his muscles expanded a bit beyond what would have been comfortable for his own clothing, and hair sprouted in thickets over his body where it was usually quite tame. His hands were violent claws, however, nails sharp as diamonds. Under his hat in constant shadow were his three extra eyes, glowing embers on both temples and in the center of his forehead. His mouth may have been a touch protruding, maybe, or perhaps it was just making space for his coyote like teeth. Around his ankles were heavy, iron clad shackles the chains of which vanished impossibly into the floor. They always seemed just shy of pulled tight and the ends were never visible. It was as if there was an endless supply of them when Jigen needed but they remained shackled none-the-less.

Goemon slowly lifted his head to stare at the approaching figure. There was no recognition in the jumpy mask’s expression, moving like Claymation in response to the world around it. His tail lashed slowly, threateningly along the floor as he eyed Jigen like competition. He slowly rose to his feet, lips parting underneath the mask and rumbling in a growl.

Jigen hissed and barely had time to enact a plan before Goemon was running at him, bowed over like a football player. The gunman seemed to want to play chicken but at the last second he dropped to the floor. Using the gore provided he slipped right between Goemon’s legs and grabbed hold of the thick, armor-scaled tail to slow himself. He heard Goemon bellow in frustration as he climbed to straddle the appendage.

Lupin slowly made his way towards Fujko, picking at the wreckage of a—probably deserving—human being. Her tails swung in the air behind her in a strange pattern like the wheel of a hypnotist. Lupin knew to keep his wits about him above all else with Fujiko. He prepped himself for a fight but was hoping he might be able to get through to her before it came to that.

Fujiko slowly lifted her eyes to the nearing creature. Her ears immediately slid backwards and her tails froze before making jerky, uncoordinated patterns behind her. A low growl started in her chest as the creature continued forward. No. No she wasn’t in the mood for that bull shit. She spat out what was in her mouth and howled, splitting her muzzle into four before launching herself forward. 

Lupin met Fujiko’s charge and used her shoulders as leverage to hoist himself up and over her. He tucked in his arms and rolled off her tails to the floor where she had just been. She spun on him with a wild cry and lunged, pinning him to the ground face-first.

Jigen held on as Goemon dropped to all fours and began bucking and rearing like a wild stallion in the rodeo. He wrapped his legs around the tail in hopes the chains would help hold him there but he could feel his grip weakening with each thrash. The force eventually ripped him free of Goemon and launched him across the room. He slammed backwards into the bar and slid behind the countertop with a groan.

“Oooh my god, oh my god, ohmygod,” the bartender was a broken, sobbing record, rocking back and forth from where he’d dropped and hidden when all this had begun. He was cowering beneath the sink, staring across at whatever had just destroyed the shelving behind the bar.

“Relax,” Jigen grunted, pulling a still intact bottle of whiskey from digging into his kidney, “I’m not here for you,” he bared his fangs and bit the top right off the bottle, spitting it off to the side. The barkeep fainted as Jigen stood up, chugging down the whiskey.

Goemon turned his head as his prey made itself known once more. He spun to face Jigen and sucked in a low breath, coiling it around his tongue and rolling it into a ball. He made a gagging, hacking sound and launched the coiled air as a ball of pure energy across the room. It collided with the whiskey bottle and shattered it, splashing its contents and a fair amount of spit onto Jigen’s shirt.

Lupin wiggled under Fujiko’s hands, pinning his shoulders forcefully to the floor. He looked up as she lowered her face in front of him, almost lying on her belly to bring them nose-to-nose. She huffed at him and a growl worked its way around all four muzzles. Lupin reached up and wrapped his hands around her wrists, silently asking her to forgive him before he relaxed his arms.

The smell of singed fur and skin was almost instantaneous. Fujiko reared back with a scream of agony, flailing her arms in the air to put out fires that were not actually there. Lupin was quick to his feet and skittered backwards.

“Lupin!” 

Lupin turned his head as Jigen hollered for him. The gunman was running across the open expanse of the cavern with Goemon hot on his tail. Jigen held out his hand and Lupin knew immediately what was being asked of him. The thief darted forward and as their hands touched, clasping tightly around one another’s wrists, Lupin fell back through the floor like it was water, dragging Jigen with him. Jigen’s momentum carried them down and around then back up through the floor to be standing behind the confused Goemon.

Goemon roared his frustration at Fujiko. The female oni turned on him and hissed a warning, snapping her tails into a rigid structure. Goemon slapped his tail into the ground hard enough to shake the walls and bared his full set of teeth. Fujiko let out a demonic yodeling sound in response. The oni launched at one another.

“Lupin I’m out of ideas,” Jigen moaned breathlessly, “we know for a damned fact we can’t beat the two of them when they’re in their right minds… What the hell did this bitch do to them?!”

“I don’t know but she’s gonna pay,” Lupin nearly roared, flames pooling from his mouth. He turned his head and Jigen followed suit as the oni battled with each other. They bolted across the room, sizing one another up and landing vicious blows. Fujiko back-handed Goemon who fell backwards up onto the stage and knocked into the lever which controlled the lifted platform. It slowly began to sink to the floor below. 

Mary took the opportunity to sneak past, book clutched to her chest. She gasped and pressed herself back against the wall as the oni—tied tightly in a ball of spurting blood and hellish sounds—rolled past her. As they did her eyes caught sight of Jigen and Lupin. There was a second of hesitation and then she took off as quickly as she could.

“Hell no!” Jigen and Lupin raced forward. Reaching the slowly deepening hole in the ground Lupin prepped to jump and held out his hand for Jigen. The thief surged forward and stretched out his free arm, grabbing hold of the chandelier. He swung Jigen up and over, catching the chains purposefully on his own foot to keep their length.

Jigen sailed through the air and landed on the other side of Mary, almost knocking into the wall. The woman sneered, trapped between Lupin, the hole in the ground and Jigen. She clutched the book tighter.

“You can’t hurt me!” She hissed.

“Wanna bet?” Jigen growled and glanced down at his feet and the chains there.

Mary followed his line of sight and trailed the chains back towards Lupin, only realizing too late that she was standing in the middle of them. She tried to make a quick escape but Jigen was ready. The gunman rolled and twisted the chains, effectively squeezing Mary between them. She teetered off balance and fell, shrieking, into the hole.

Instantly Fujiko and Goemon stopped their quarrel. They both sped forward and leapt down after Mary. Lupin released the chandelier and landed next to Jigen as the chains retracted.

“That fall won’t kill them but they’re going to be pissed,” Lupin assured as he helped the gunman to his feet. As Jigen started to respond they heard a horrible sound rising from the floor below—Mary, reading another passage from the book. Jigen looked worriedly to Lupin.

“Jigen—We have to go,” Lupin said after a tense second, even though the words hurt, “we can’t help them until we recoup.”

“L-lupin…” Jigen started, baring his teeth and wanting like hell to argue but knowing the other man was right. 

“Just one night. I’m near my limit and you can’t be far behind,” Lupin continued, trying to embolden himself to the idea as well as his partner in crime. “We’ll come back for them—you have my word.”

“God damnit,” Jigen conceded, standing and racing with Lupin through the cavern-room doors as the platform began to raise behind them.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If a man has a mental breakdown in the woods, does he make a sound?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter pairs nicely with Walkin' After Midnight (Wildfire Remix) and Grey Morning.

Zenigata took a long, slow drag of the cigarette resting between his lips and breathed it out with the filter clenched in his teeth. The cool air from the balcony did not make the sweat on his skin feel less sticky. He could just barely see the museum in the distance.

The next morning found him without sleep, sick to his stomach, and feeling like he was going to fall through the earth any second. He, Toshiko and Professor Stoker had driven just a little out of town and holed up in a crummy hotel with outside doors. He’d wanted to just leave the country, to put all of the nonsense he clearly had not seen behind him. Toshiko wouldn’t let him, the professor wouldn’t let him. They pleaded with him to at least hear them out and he’d reluctantly agreed—he’d been too tired for any more fight.

He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t even work himself up to passing out. His head was running in circles and it was like a dose of adrenaline kept pumping through him. He felt like a child with a sugar high and he really, really wanted to just vomit and get it over with.

He tilted his head as he heard the sliding glass balcony door open behind him.

“The professor and I gathered our files, if you’re ready,” Toshiko’s voice was soft and Zenigata recognized the tone. It was the tone taken with someone who needed talking down. He frowned, not too offended to be fair, he was on the verge of something like a break down. He snuffed out the cigarette and followed Toshiko inside.

Inside the stuffy hotel room the coffee table was covered in files and folders. Professor Stoker sat in an overlarge armchair sipping on tea. Zenigata sat on the loveseat opposite where Toshiko knelt on the floor. She seemed perfectly happy to do so, moving a few files around. She pulled two large files—very, very large—and slid them towards her father.

“Fujiko Mine and Goemon Ishikawa,” she said quietly, an echo of the roaring and screaming from the museum in her mind.

Zenigata paused with his hand hovering above the files. He looked up at Toshiko.

“What am I gonna read in these?”

“Speculation, mostly,” Toshiko admitted, “see we—we’ve been on their trail for a while now. Something about mom’s death just didn’t add up and when I mentioned it to the higher ups we opened our own investigation. In these files is everything we’ve learned about what make these criminals… non human.”

Zenigata’s eyes snapped up to meet Toshiko’s. Even in spite of what they had seen with their own eyes he was still clinging to the realities of the universe that he was comfortable with. He was here faced with the choice of removing the ability of having that ignorance. His hand shook a little.

“Like you we have been completely unable to apprehend any of them for any length of time, so most of what is gathered here is conjecture based upon fact, myth and hearsay,” Toshiko paused, “though after what we saw last night I have a feeling I’ll be adding double the amount of notes to these files.”

Zenigata took a slow and steadying breath. He reached out and picked up Fujiko’s folder. He leaned back in the loveseat carefully, as if in a boat that would tip over at the slightest miscalculation. He opened the file and forced his mind to make sense of what he was seeing.

There were typed accounts of sightings, a few mug shots, a few crime scene photos, a family tree and detailed genealogy chart, and pages upon pages of copied or hand written sketches and descriptions of—

“Kitsune?” Zenigata muttered, a very slight grin pulling at his mouth, “those pretty fox ladies from anime?”

“Not exactly, I mean… you saw Fujiko last night. I suppose you could call that a fox lady but I don’t think pretty is applicable in the kindest of sense,” Toshiko leaned forward to indicate a small passage. “Kitsune is just what we’ve decided to call her for the time being. It gives us a little bit of freedom with research and how we talk about cases when we can’t be sure who’s listening.”

“Ahhh, right,” Zenigata nodded, flipping past the stuff he knew. He frowned at the notes on the kitsune, mumbling out loud under his breath as he went, “’emotionally numb’, yeah, ‘needs to make a scene’, checks out, ‘highly volatile’, ‘extremely violent and unpredictable’. Yeah, that’s Fujiko all right,” he almost laughed.

“She’s capable of some pretty major hypnotism,” Toshiko offered, “some mild forms of illusions too. Her big driving force is attention—and not quite in the way you’d think,” the woman moved to her feet, folding her hands behind her back and looking like a strange mirror of her father as she paced. “You see oni like her are effectively numb and void of emotion. We think it has something to do with chemical imbalances in their brains. In order to feel anything the kitsune need to have attention—any kind of attention—to trigger what we consider to be normal emotional responses. When Fujiko walks into a room she needs to garner the most attention possible, and it doesn’t have to be good—as long as someone is thinking about her she’s got what she needs. Men and women desiring her, men and women jealous of her, men and women disapproving of her, all of that just gives her exactly what she needs.” Toshiko paused, “strangely enough though is that this doesn’t seem to hurt anyone. She doesn’t drain these people or turn them to zombies, she’s just feeding off the energy they are willingly giving to her by thinking of her.”

“Wait—so you’re implying that Fujiko was… is just a demon? An oni? Pure and simple? Implying that demons really exist and walk the earth?”

“Y-yes,” Toshiko frowned as she turned to her father, “I am.”

“A-are all four of them demons then? Is that what I’m to understand here?”

“Oh no,” Professor Stoker interrupted, “Jigen and Lupin were once human. Goemon and Fujiko are the demons—born that way from day one.”

Zenigata closed Fujiko’s file and reached for Goemon’s curiously. Toshiko returned to her seated position on the rug.

“Kappa?” The inspector said quietly.

“Same as with kistune, it’s an organizing code name not meant to be taken literally.”

“Goemon is by far the oldest of the four of them,” Stoker offered, “he’s… well he’s not very good at covering his tracks if you know what to look for. For example he’s used the same name for seventeen lifetimes in a row,” he chuckled.

“Seventeen lifetimes? You mean they’re—they’re reincarnated?” Zenigata removed his hat and jacket.

“No, we call them lifetimes to help us keep track of dates. From what we’ve learned demons and these other non humans play at being human. Every few years they make themselves a new human persona—a new lifetime. Most of the time, the smart ones anyway, pick a different country and name and vocation. Goemon Ishikawa though… has been the same almost down to the fine print for each of his lifetimes.”

“Huh, yeah, that—that seems like something he’d do,” Zenigata admitted.

“His sword is obviously where most of his power lies,” Toshiko pointed to a polaroid taped to the file, “as I’m sure you’re well aware. It’s not like any other sword in this world.”

“Yeah I uh—I just… I don’t know what I thought really,” Zenigata shook his head, “I can’t believe I was so blind for so long.”

“This stuff is very hard to swallow,” Toshiko quieted, “don’t blame yourself. Most people stare at this stuff every day and have no idea. All the world tallies of population are tainted with these masquerading demons and other non humans. They are everywhere and most of them are incredibly talented at playing human.”

Zenigata dropped the file onto the table. He leaned forward and rubbed at his temples. Toshiko and Stoker looked at one another but didn’t interrupt the inspector’s silence. After a long moment he sighed and began rolling up his sleeves.

“All right then, Lupin and Jigen,” Zenigata moved a few folders around on the table.

“Jigen Daisuke was human, once,” Toshiko offered, holding out the file for her father, “we have some information on the man we think he was. With him and Arsene Lupin we have a lot of guesswork and very little actual evidence so take what you read with a grain of salt. There are local myths and legends about what we suspect they are but—but they are old, very old stories that have been told and retold so many times.”

Zenigata frowned before he slowly opened the file. 

“Eight-eighteen-forty-seven!” Zenigata shouted, almost dropping the file. “Are you telling me you honestly believe Jigen was born in eighteen-forty-seven!?”

“Yes,” Toshiko said blankly.

“Holy crap,” Zenigata breathed, feeling his chest start to tighten, “in America.”

“When he was alive and human he was among the first railroad bandits. He had a loyal team of men and they pioneered all those crazy action shots you see in movies today—riding alongside the train, balancing on top of them, the dead man’s switch, all of that,” Stoker sounded almost impressed.

“When he was alive?” Zenigata said hoarsely, loosening a few buttons on his shirt as the heat began to rise under his collar.

“He died. In order to become what he is… death is rather a prerequisite,” Toshiko knitted her brows together as she watched her father struggle. 

“So he’s… you want me to believe… he’s a ghost?”

“Not exactly, he’s—well—we haven’t yet figured out the best way to describe what exactly he is. He is technically alive in that he has physical needs that must be met and he can die—er—permanently. We’re starting to think something about the energy caused by death can forge together a new kind of … being. The different kinds of energies create different… things.”

“What kind of … thing… Is Jigen?” 

“They call them Wasteland Wanderers or Watchdogs,” Toshiko moved to grab a glass of water for her father.

“Some of the Native American tribes called them coyotes-spirits or coyote men.”

“When Jigen died the circumstances of his death caused a great deal of guilt and regret. The legend states that when men die out in the west with that kind of baggage that they become… locked to the land, in a sense. They’re forced to wander the area they died for all eternity, reliving the source of their earthly pain,” Toshiko moved up behind the loveseat and offered the glass of water to Zenigata. The inspector took it with a small thanks.

“Some of the stories we heard suggested that these Watchdogs were stuck here until they finally unraveled the truth of what happened. They were given special sight to see events past, present and future to help aid them in this search for truth. It lets them see with a clarity no mere mortal possesses,” Stoker lead, watching Zenigata.

“Jigen is… a deadshot,” the inspector admitted, almost wheezing. He took a deep gulp of water and then immediately set the cup down. He nearly tossed Jigen’s folder and began a frantic search for the one he had not yet seen… the one that was suddenly the only one that mattered.

“Arsene Lupin,” Toshiko said as her father hesitated on the file, “the youngest of the group but by far the one we know the least about.”

“Eighteen-ninety-seven,” Zenigata nearly whimpered, staring at an old black and white photo of a group of school-aged boys, “France.”

“He’s what we call amant cendre,” Toshiko moved to sit next to her father on the couch. She could feel him vibrating, “they seem to be restricted to France, strangely enough. No other thing we’ve found anywhere else seems to match. Lupin died under circumstances of great passion, usually love or anger—or both. He is now something of an ever-burning flame, lighting candles as he goes when he is amused or enamored by the wax,” the woman glanced over her shoulder at Stoker, who nodded gently to urge her onward. “They can—they can affect humans and non humans alike, these amant cendre. They can heal, they can trick, they can—they can do unnatural things. They can make mortals nearly immortal, giving normal humans powers normal humans should not have—so long as they amuse the amant cendre.” Toshiko slowly reached over and took her father’s hand.

“Do you… do you understand?” She narrowed her eyes searchingly.

“I—This is a lot,” Zenigata gasped, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut, “I don’t—I don’t think I can believe any of this.”

Toshiko frowned and turned to her father’s jacket. She fished around in the pockets for a moment as he folded Lupin’s file and set it down. Opening her father’s wallet Toshiko took a slow breath.

“How-how old are you, father?”

“Eh?” Zenigata frowned as he turned to look at her, “I—well uh… Thirty? Something.”

“How old am I?” Toshiko pressed.

“You turned—you turned twenty eight this year,” Zenigata’s voice dropped, sounding suddenly defeated. 

“My mother was younger than you by a few years, wasn’t she?” Toshiko waited for a small nod. “She died three years ago, dad…” Toshiko slowly turned Zenigata’s wallet to face him, “at ninety four.”

Zenigata felt his heart drop into his gut and then surge into his throat. His ears rang. His vision shook as he stared at the wallet he used every day and never really looked at. His eyes watered as he read and processed dates he should have known by heart. He didn’t want to do the math but it was already calculated in his head. He stood, feeling his stomach lurch.

“I-I need some fresh air,” he gasped, clutching the wallet tightly in his fist. 

“Father—” Toshiko started, stopping as he held up a shaky hand to stop her.

“I just need some fresh air,” he repeatedly, looking at her imploringly with tears in his eyes. She nodded as he turned to leave. She moved to join him when her text notification buzzed from the table.

Zenigata stepped into the open hallway of the hotel and started towards the stairs. His legs threatened to give out on him and his knees felt weak. He stumbled towards the railing and gripped it white-knuckled. His head swam and his chest squeezed tighter and tighter. As he took the first few stairs he was immediately winded. He braced himself against the railing and struggled on. Something in his mind snapped and somehow he was convinced if he could get to the bottom of the stairs and step outside the hotel that everything would be ok. Everything might go back to normal and the past few hours would not have happened.

He stumbled into the parking lot and doubled over to catch his breath. 

Somehow that was the last straw and the snap in his mind he swore was audible. He took off. He couldn’t recall having ever run so fast—even the prior night running from two literal demons. His body was ready to give up and he pushed it further. He leapt over the small decorative fence the edge of the parking lot and took himself into the foggy moors beyond. He stumbled and ran through the uneven grasslands. 

He ran until the museum was the only beacon in the distance. He ran until he couldn’t breathe and his body really did threaten to collapse. He chucked the wallet over his head and deep, deep into the moors with a loud yell. He immediately collapsed to his knees afterwards, panting and willing his heart to continue beating. 

A light breeze moved through the moors and Zenigata drew his hands down his face. He left them cupped over his mouth. His vision slowly refocused and his breathing regulated. He heard a small shift behind him and he dropped his arms to the side.

“Have you come out here to mock me?” he growled, but it lacked bite.

“Who, me?” Lupin purred, “no. I’m waiting for a ride.”

There was a pause and another breeze pushed against the two men.

“I can’t believe…” Zenigata started, “I can’t believe I didn’t realize sooner. Maybe I did and I just… pretended not to.”

“You could try giving us a little credit: we’ve gotten very good at this.”

“What exactly are you?” Zenigata looked up and over at Lupin. “She still doesn’t know for sure. She says you’re… dead but alive. Not human but… maybe once.”

“Hmm, that’s a tough question, pops, I’m afraid I don’t have all the answers. See, there is no instruction manual for us yanno—we’ve gotta get by the same as you,” the thief took a few steps closer to the still kneeling detective, “let’s try this analogy then: Vampires and Gargoyles.”

“What?” 

“You know what those are, yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Gargoyles are born gargoyles. They’ve only ever been gargoyles and will be gargoyles until they die. Vampires, on the other hand, vampires aren’t born vampires… they become vampires. They started as humans—just regular guys and gals—and then,” Lupin brought up his hands and made a scary face, “one bite and it’s bye-bye humanity and hello sleeping in coffins and drinking blood. They’re still functional beings, and they might still be mostly what they were before but… now they’re something else too.”

Lupin smiled but it faded quickly as he met eyes with Zenigata. 

“My whole life… is a sham,” the inspector said slowly, eyes wandering and expression a little crazed, “my whole career… a joke.”

“H-hey now,” Lupin tried, moving a little closer.

“You—You bastard!” Zenigata was on his feet in a second and moving forward to throttle Lupin. The thief side-stepped the attack easily but Zenigata had been counting on just that maneuver. He had turned out his foot and Lupin took the hit, stumbling just enough to give the other man the upper hand. Lupin threw his hands out to maintain his balance but Zenigata tackled him from the side ruthlessly.

Lupin’s head bounced up off the ground as he landed flat on his back. Zenigata was soon straddling him, fingers wrapped up tightly in the front of Lupin’s shirt. The inspector pulled Lupin’s face close, snarling.

“My whole life is a failure and a joke and a sham and it’s your fault!” He yelled, shaking Lupin violently. “You let me chase you around knowing full well what was going on! You-You played with me like I was nothing! I gave up everything for you!” 

Lupin stared wordless. He reached up and grabbed Zenigata’s wrists even though he wasn’t really being hurt at all. He started to speak but for once realized maybe his silence was a better option. He felt genuinely upset as he watched tears start in Zenigata’s eyes.

“I have wasted my life chasing a literal ghost,” Zenigata let Lupin’s shirt slip through his fingers, “I-I… I have nothing,” he turned and slipped off Lupin. He landed squarely on his ass and draped his arms on his legs. He’d never been one to hide how he was feeling and he wasn’t about to start in the middle of the moors, having a mental breakdown and existential crisis in front of Lupin the Third.

Lupin slowly, cautiously pushed himself up onto his elbows as Zenigata began to openly weep. He’d seen the guy cry before—joy, frustration, sorrow—but something about this felt embarrassingly intimate. Lupin drew his own legs up towards his chest and kept his mouth shut. He had a million things he wanted to say but felt things were better quiet for the moment.

“Did you—is this why you’ve kept me around?” Zenigata asked in a voice Lupin did not like at all, broken and hoarse and not at all like the inspector Lupin had come to admire.

“Huh?”

“Toshiko said that you—what you are—you can gift a sort of immortality to those you find… amusing,” Zenigata looked up and met Lupin’s eyes unwaveringly. 

“I—”

Zenigata’s phone rang from his pocket, startling both men. The inspector nearly crawled out of his own skin reaching into his back pocket for the offending device. He was about to break it when he saw Toshiko’s name on the caller ID. He glared at Lupin and answered the call.

“I didn’t mean to scare you, ‘shiko, I’m just—”

“Shut up and listen.”

Zenigata’s eyes grew wide. The voice on the other end of the line was softly accented and deadly serious. He snarled and balled his hand into a fist: Mary Van Hellsing.

“I have Toshiko. The old man is dead,” Mary barked into the phone, “leave the country. Tell no one. Give me one week and if you’re good to your word I’ll release her unharmed. If you so much as look at this place too long or think about calling for back up… I will kill her. Do we have an understanding?”

“Yes,” Zenigata said through gritted teeth, meeting Lupin’s eyes with a dark look. The thief tilted his head and the same look crossed his features.

“Good. I will give you two hours to leave. I suggest you make haste.”

Zenigata nearly crunched the phone into pieces in his hand as he heard the call end. 

“Does she—”

“Yeah,” Zenigata answered, moving to his feet with Lupin’s help.

“And you’re gonna—”

“Yes,” Zenigata turned as if to walk away.

“Wait a second—” Lupin reached out and grabbed Zenigata’s arm.

“Let me go, Lupin! I don’t have time for this!” Zenigata closed his hand over Lupin’s threateningly.

“Tell me, Zenigata, can you ride a horse?”

Zenigata stared in confusion as Lupin smirked. The thief pointed towards the distance and the inspector turned to look. There, on a hill far too distant for Zenigata to see the details he was seeing, was Jigen. The gunman was seated atop a large horse with a second tethered to the saddle. Three glowing eyes stuck out from under his hat and he smiled a toothy smile.

Zenigata returned the expression.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Giddyup!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's themes are Cheap Thrills and Contagious.

The inspector had not ridden a horse in years. It was a fact that seemed not to matter until he dismounted, stumbled into a tree and groaned. Jigen took the reins and began stripping the horses of their gear.

“I’m gonna go do a quick scout,” Lupin whispered, “back in a flash.”

Zenigata blinked furiously as Lupin seemed to simply blink out of existence, like a skipping track on an old VHS. The trio had stopped within the grounds of the museum but right before the grounds keepers got dedicated. There was plenty of area to hide but also plenty of space to get eyes on the target. It seemed to be open and operational as if nothing odd had transpired the prior night. 

Jigen tossed the reins into the bushes, the saddles soon joining. He gave the horses each a quick pat to the neck and then sent them on their way. He fished for a cigarette in his jacket pocket, paused, and offered one to Zenigata. The inspector looked down at the offer, then up to Jigen, then shrugged and accepted the token of truce. The gunman lit the officer’s cigarette first.

“Where do the chains go,” Zenigata asked as he pointed with the lit cigarette to Jigen’s ankles, “when you transform?”

“Mmm, they don’t go anywhere,” Jigen pocketed the lighter and cigarettes, “always there. So, you got filled in I guess?” 

“Y-yeah,” the broader man sighed. 

“Glad to see it didn’t break ya,” he chuckled.

“Came damn close,” Zenigata scoffed. He started to speak once or twice and lost the nerve before feeling an unfamiliar urge to just do it anyway. “You were human once?”

“Mmhmm, long time ago.”

“How—what was it like? Dying?”

“Heh,” Jigen blew out a thick cloud of smoke that seemed to simply merge with the ever-lasting fog of Transylvania, “that’s what everybody wants to know.”

“It’s a-a valid question,” Zenigata frowned, feeling foolish.

“No, I got that. For me it wasn’t bad, I suppose. I’ve seen worse, heard of worse. The pain and fear were quick but the suffering was long, if that makes sense,” Jigen tilted his head a bit and flashed Zenigata a glowing third eye. “I made some mistakes in that life, carried around some heavy guilt I just couldn’t out-run no matter how far I ran or how long I went. In the end I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Zenigata’s eyes widened and snapped immediately to where he knew Jigen’s holster was. He glanced back up at the gunman. The smile he received was sad.

“Nuh uh, pops,” Jigen clicked his tongue on the backs of his teeth, “I jumped off a cliff. Rode up there on the last creature I had that still meant something, set ‘em free and…” he used his hands to illustrate stepping off a cliff. There was even a soft whistle from around the cigarette and pursed lips as his hand ‘fell’. Zenigata winced.

“What could possibly make a guy like you resort to that?” Zenigata’s voice was sad and compassionate.

Jigen paused and reached up to tilt his hat up further on his head, to really get a good look at the inspector next to him. He’d expected the questions honestly, he knew eventually they’d come around—and if not with Zenigata then inevitably with someone else down the road—but that caught him off-guard. There was no judgement in that voice; no criticism; no disbelief. Zenigata actually, genuinely felt for Jigen’s plight—empathized that there were some kinds of terrible things out there that could lead a man to take his own life—and that there was no shame, only sorrow in such an ending.

“Crap,” Jigen laughed hoarsely, “you really wanna know?” 

Zenigata nodded wordlessly, his stomach flopping like he was cresting the hill of a roller coaster. Anything to keep his mind off where Toshiko was and what might be happening to her.

“Back then I led a group of men, outcasts like myself, and we felt like the world owed us something. Rich prospectors bought our lands, forced us into poverty, I’m sure you’re familiar with the sob story—Hollywood at least likes to reuse it every few months. We pulled some bad heists, not like the kind of stuff Lupin gets up to—I’m talkin’ real bad. It made us feel good, made us feel like we had some kinda control out there.”

Zenigata turned his eyes towards the museum. He watched a few guards step off to the side of the gardens nearest the back entrance. They seemed to be conversing in quick, worried whispers. Jigen’s voice continued, filling in the silence.

“We took on trains, caravans, hell even small towns if we were feelin’ particularly lucky. One night we set up after this caravan—we’d been trailing it for a while and figured we’d seen enough. We knew there were women and children along but we outnumbered the men and back then that was all that mattered. Women might still get the crap end of the stick but it’s not quite like it used to be,” Jigen shook his head, “anyway, turns out the whole caravan was dirt freakin’ poor. They were Natives, Chinese and black—all running towards freedom or paradise or at least running away from what was behind them. They didn’t have anything worth taking but that was about all the moral clarity I had back then.”

Zenigata frowned as he looked back over at Jigen.

“You didn’t—”

“Hell no, we weren’t complete monsters,” Jigen sneered. “We scared them real good and then let them go. Told them to watch their backs, you know the usual bravado, but we didn’t want anything from them. During our retreat to higher ground one of my men spotted a large gang of soldiers comin’ in hot. They were from a town not too far north of where we were and they moved like they had something to prove—headed right for that caravan,” Jigen paused and took a slow drag from the cigarette. The pause lingered long enough that Zenigata wondered if that was all he was going to say—maybe the memories were too painful.

“We knew what they were gonna do to that caravan,” Jigen’s voice had taken on a dark tone, “there was absolutely no doubt in our mind what was going to happen. From where we were we could have warned them, hell we probably could have made it down there in time to fight with the runaways… but we didn’t,” Jigen winced at the memory. He glanced up and met Zenigata’s eyes, “I told my men not to bother, it wasn’t worth us getting involved.”

Zenigata wasn’t quite sure what to say, or if he was expected to say anything. He nodded a little as if he understood, knowing they both knew he didn’t. It seemed so cold and heartless compared to the Jigen he knew. The thought struck him as odd but what hadn’t been odd about the past few hours. It was almost par for the course at this point.

“Imagine my surprise when, about a week later on that same god damned cliff, my men were ambushed. Same God damned group of soldiers snuck up on them while they were sleeping. They fought back hard but they’d lost before the fight really began—every last one of them was executed, point blank,” Jigen mimed a gun to his temple, pulling the trigger as he blew out a puff of smoke. “The guilt, the questioning, the second guessing, the loneliness, the anger, the helplessness after all that… it’s the kind of thing you just can’t get away from. Not even my dreams let me escape, man,” Jigen laughed derisively. “So I got my ass drunk, rode up to the cliff, sent my horse to what I hope was a better fate… and jumped,” the gunman shrugged. He turned to look at Zenigata curiously.

The inspector started to answer—though he had no idea what he was going to say—when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He leapt into the air and spun, almost pulling his gun out as Jigen and Lupin laughed. 

“Lupin!” Zenigata shouted, then quickly lowered his voice, “this is no time for games you monkey-faced buffoon!”

“Aww pops I couldn’t help it!” Lupin held his hands up playfully, “you were so intense.”

“I was just—” Zenigata growled and pointed to the museum, “my daughter is in there somewhere. Would you like me to be relaxed?!”

“What’d you find, Lupin?” Jigen interrupted.

“Well seems like business as usual in there but I don’t remember quite so many guards yesterday. She’s amped up security but it doesn’t look like they really know what to expect, or from where. Most of them seem to be walking between posts, not stationary, and none of them seem too concerned with what’s gonna happen to them when we get our hands on ‘em,” Lupin chuckled a little. 

“Hmm,” Zenigata rubbed at his chin, “we can’t really just stroll in there—not when Mary threatened Toshiko if I showed my face.” 

“I can’t imagine they’ll be too pleased to see us either,” Jigen agreed.

“How about there?” Zenigata pointed to the museum, specifically to the restoration area where a large scaffolding was set up against the outside of the building. It was empty. “I don’t think we’ll have time for disguises but if we can get to that scaffolding I bet we can scale up to that boarded window and slip in. Just the three of us, quietly, and I don’t think anyone will be the wiser.”

“Pops, where have you been all my life,” Lupin purred, throwing an arm around the inspector. Zenigata made a few sputtered noises of anger.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
> 
> Because it's in a cell!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter doesn't have a specific theme but I'll suggest Contagious, Gray Morning and Nothing Personal.

“I don’t like how easy this was, Lupin,” Jigen hissed again as the trio moved through the darkened hallways of the museum. Every now and then a loud sound echoing from somewhere or the sound of feet from above them startled them—sent the three men huddling against the wall for whatever shelter they could find—but they had thus far been completely overlooked. 

“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—any trap that gives me what I want is a trap worth investigating,” Lupin chuckled. 

“That’s… how in the hell did you manage to evade me for so long?” Hissed Zenigata woefully.

Lupin chuckled and the trio kept walking. It hadn’t been discussed but somehow they all knew where they were going: back down to the cavern. Jigen and Lupin told Zenigata about the small room underneath where they’d found Professor Stoker. It was as good a place as any to start looking. 

Moving and doing—even if he was scared out of his mind—was helping keep Zenigata calm. He was a man of action, always had been, and would rather put himself in harms’ way than sit and wait for an opening. He only wished Toshiko’s life wasn’t somewhere in the balance. Hopefully either Mary was bluffing or they would get to Toshiko before Mary saw them and had a chance to make good on her threat. The line of thinking made Zenigata weak in the knees.

Lupin kept a sharp eye out as he led the trio in a slightly triangular formation down the hall. He wasn’t quite as good at getting a bead on what was happening in rooms he couldn’t see—that was, obviously, Jigen’s specialty—but he was no slouch. He could tell that at least the floor above them was being used frequently, either as a staff break room or a part of the museum that was open. There was far too much traffic for simply the changing of guards. 

Jigen kept his gun out and in hand. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to shoot Goemon and Fujiko—at least not enough to actually stop them—but he couldn’t say the same for guards or Mary if she went for the damned book again. He had tricks and abilities most people never saw coming but this whole scenario was uncharted territory and he still had his limits. There was nothing quite like the comfort of his trustworthy pistol in hand.

The group turned into the room with the descending staircase and Zenigata removed the gun from his chest holster. 

“All right, you two go hit the levers, I’ll lead,” he wiggled the barrel of his gun towards where they knew the stairs were.

“You sure about that, pops?” Lupin hesitated, “it’s your face she’s looking for.”

“After the show you two put on last night I’m sure she’s got all our faces on Wanted Posters in the break room.”

“Well holy crap how about that, Zenigata cracking jokes with us and not about us,” Jigen put a hand on his head as if he were dizzy.

“I know! I think I might faint!” Lupin giggled.

Zenigata rolled his eyes as the duo moved to the levers. He squared his shoulders—sorely missing his hat and jackets—and brought up his gun. He nodded, eyes forward. Jigen and Lupin activated the levers and the quiet was soon broken by the groaning of gears. Zenigata could feel his heart leaping up into his throat with each passing second. He was certain any minute now hordes of fully armed men would start shooting and he’d be filled full of holes before he ever saw Toshiko again.

“Huh,” the inspector mused, putting a hand on his hip and scratching his head with the hand he held his gun, “the hallway… it’s empty. Not a damned soul in sight.”

Jigen and Lupin walked around and peered in.

“Yeah this has trap written all over it,” Jigen sighed, “I really, really hate this.”

“If it is a trap we haven’t hit the trigger yet,” Lupin advised, “can’t know for sure what’s up until we do.”

“Why are you like this?” Zenigata whispered, glancing sidelong at Lupin. He received a large grin in response.

Cautiously they descended the stairs, Jigen and Zenigata in front with their guns drawn and leveled. Lupin stuffed his hands into his pants pockets and followed behind them. They all started to feel a growing, oppressive worry as the further they went the more empty spaces they found. 

“Everyone is all gathered in one place,” Jigen growled, “waiting for an ambush.”

“Yeah, most likely,” Zenigata agreed, turning quickly to aim his gun down another hall as they passed. 

“Hey Jigen, can you see anything down here?” Lupin emphasized ‘see’ and Zenigata frowned. For a second nothing had changed and Zenigata was confused what Lupin thought Jigen would be able to see that the two of them couldn’t… then he remembered. He leaned away slightly as Jigen tilted the brim of his hat and opened his eyes. The inspector shuddered.

“Aww, it’s ok,” Jigen smirked, “I don’t bite.”

“Hey—Knock it off and stick to the matter at hand!” Zenigata pointed his gun threateningly for a second.

Jigen chuckled, dangling his gun from the trigger guard on one finger. His three glowing eyes rolled into the back of his head as he glanced through the walls, the ceiling, the floor. 

“Crap, damnit,” Jigen cursed, rolling his eyes back forward and bending over to rub the heels of his hands against them, “that freakin’ hurts.”

“Did’ja see anything?” Zenigata pressed, moving closer.

“Just bugs and sconces,” Jigen grumbled, glancing back up with a decidedly more human visage, “either they’ve got wards up so I can’t see through, nothing is here for real, or I’m losing my touch.”

“Damnit,” Zenigata hissed, moving away and digging both hands into his short hair in increasing frustration, “they just have to be down here! She wouldn’t move the whole thing somewhere else just to spite us, would she?” 

“What whole thing?” Jigen answered darkly, “seems like all she needs is that book, right? That’s easy to transport.”

“What about Goemon and Fujiko?” Lupin provided, hand sliding along one of the cave walls curiously, “they’ve gotta be here at least. From what we saw I’d bet her control over them is marginal at best and only works in their natural form—and those don’t fit in regular cars.”

“She’s a museum curator,” Zenigata whispered, “she’s got access to all kinds of shipping trucks.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Lupin chirped, throwing one arm over Zenigata’s shoulders and one over Jigen’s. He pulled them closer and sighed, “let’s not start giving up just yet. Let’s at least check the cells and the ballroom… then we can give up,” his poorly executed joke was met with blank faces. He released his companions and shuffled forward.

“I think cells first might be our best bet, yeah?”

Lupin led the duo once more, turning down the hallway that he and Jigen had gone down the previous night. There was something awfully unnerving about the silence in the cavern labyrinth—not that it had been full of song the night before—but this was purposeful. Either there was an ambush waiting for them or it was some kind of elaborate trap. Lupin wasn’t sure exactly why they’d have pulled everything out of the area just to let them go wandering around in empty halls… but he’d seen stranger things.

Zenigata followed closely at Lupin’s heels as the hallway narrowed, feeling more comfortable than he wanted to admit letting Jigen bring up the rear. He knew the nature of these men more than he wanted to admit, at least their mental natures. He knew they were good for their word and they had both promised to help him get Toshiko out alive. If that wasn’t safety net enough he knew they also would do just about anything to rescue Goemon and Fujiko—and since it seemed like they were all in the same place… Zenigata let his mind wander in useless circles so that it didn’t end up back down dead end alleys and places he did not want to explore.

Jigen frowned as he kept his gun out, safety off, finger near the trigger. He couldn’t pin point exactly why he felt so jumpy but man did he. He was ready to jump out of his skin and each small echo made his heart thump heavily in his chest. He knew they’d been in crazier situations but he couldn’t recall any of them at that particular second. Maybe it was because he was worried about Goemon—and Fujiko. Mind control wasn’t any sentient being’s idea of a good time but he knew personally that they both had a particular sore spot in their history for things like that and the whole ordeal was only going to make matters worse.

Lupin slowed down, putting on his serious face as it were, as they neared the end of the long, narrow staircase. He pressed himself against the side and slowly peered around the corner, feeling pops at his back eagerly. The thief held up a hand and stopped Zenigata from moving forward.

Zenigata frowned and was about to quietly protest when Lupin reached into a pocket in his red jacket. The other man pulled out what looked to be a makeup compact. Zenigata knitted his brows in confusion and Lupin smiled. He flicked open the compact and crouched down. Zenigata watched carefully as Lupin used the small mirror to peer around the corner.

“Coast is clear as far as I can see,” Lupin whispered before stalking forward slowly. He kept himself rather low and close to the walls, stopping every few feet to check his surroundings.

Zenigata followed Lupin carefully, matching the thief’s movements almost identically. He kept his gun at the ready but the safety was off. He trusted his instincts and reflexes to turn it off before he needed to make use of the weapon. 

Jigen hesitated as he watched Zenigata and Lupin start down the hallway. The cell they’d found Professor Stoker in was just ahead of them. Something made him stop, the weight on his ankles increased as he moved to step off the stairs. That usually clued him in to a trap door or something really freaking big being moved below him. He dropped his gaze to the ground and slowly followed it towards Lupin and Zenigata. 

Jigen sucked in a breath and almost got off a warning before the floor suddenly split open. Zenigata and Lupin fell to the floor below. Jigen could see from his vantage point that the room was full of shadows—human shaped shadows thankfully—and not far enough to worry about the landing causing lasting damage.

“Crap, crap!” The gunman hissed, taking a few steps back up the stairs as a sweat broke out over his forehead. Zenigata and Lupin were as good as caught. He didn’t doubt either of them in a fight but there were a lot of shadows and the duo had been caught unawares. He had to make a new plan to rescue the lot of them and he had to do it quick. He slowly made his way back up the stairs.

Lupin and Zenigata had the wind sucked out of them as the floor literally swallowed them whole. They landed in a heap, Zenigata cursing and moaning as they sat up.

“You just couldn’t resist, could you?” A hauntingly familiar voice greeted the men as they sat up.

Lupin sneered and reached out to put a hand on Zenigata’s shoulder as the inspector moved to stand, a shout on his lips. He pulled down and kept the man on his knees while they took in their new predicament. Mary had staged a true ambush, knocking them on their ass, winding them and instantly surrounding them with…

“Holy crap,” Zenigata hissed, tensing under Lupin’s shoulder as he looked around at Mary’s small army of mummies. Wrapped figures, at least twelve of them, stood in a semi-circle around the inspector and the thief. They were all in varying stages of a decay and unraveling, some were large while others were quite small—maybe not child small but still small. It didn’t make them less threatening.

“Keep it together pops,” Lupin whispered, never taking his eyes off Mary. She held the book on one hip like a toddler, the other hand was busy aiming a large handgun at Lupin and Zenigata.

“I thought giving you a chance to save your daughter’s life might stay your hand, Inspector Zenigata, but some men just can’t separate work from their personal lives,” Mary sneered.

“If you so much as pluck a hair from her head I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” Mary barked, “you are surrounded, out numbered and out matched! There is nothing you or your… dead, rotten thief can do to stop me.”

“Hey!” Lupin hissed, pausing as he heard his voice echo strangely back—Zenigata had made the same exclamation. Lupin was almost touched.

“Toss the gun,” Mary ordered, moving her aim solely to Zenigata. The inspector hesitated but Mary did not. She pulled the trigger and shot Zenigata squarely in the left shoulder—to her reluctant admiration he only grunted. “I said drop it,” she repeated, her eyes dangerous as she was obeyed the second time around. “Maybe you’re not completely daft after all.”

Zenigata was about to start bargaining when he watched Mary move her eyes away from them. It was a split second but it was enough to alert him—just not enough time to act. The cavern went white and then black as two of the mummies moved in and slammed their fists into the back of Zenigata and Lupin’s head.

Mary’s sneer deepened as the men crumpled, unconscious to the floor. From behind her the shadows seemed to shimmer and wiggle. The demonic figures of Fujiko and Goemon stalked slowly forward.

“Tie them together, tightly, and then bring them to me.”


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stay in drugs. Don't do school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's theme is Toshiko's theme, Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea.

Toshiko wanted to keep shouting but her voice was going hoarse and she figured maybe she should save some energy. She’d always told herself if she was taken hostage she would make herself a terrible burden on her kidnappers—she still intended to do just that, but maybe not at the cost of her voice. She glanced curiously around the room and grinned at the dresser in the corner. 

After receiving a text from Mary (Maiko) she had attempted to run but it was no use. A group of guards from the museum had filled the hotel room full of holes, tagged Toshiko with a tranquilizer dart, and if Mary was to be believed—killed Professor Stoker. When she woke up she was in a strange bedroom with no windows and a single, locked door. She’d tried to pick the lock but it was impossible for her mediocre skill. She’d then tried to break down the door with the same level of success. The shouting had started when she’d pulled something in her shoulder for the attempt and it earned her a reprimand from a guard she assumed was posted outside. She hadn’t stopped yelling since but the guard had learned to ignore her.

Toshiko opened the first drawer and wasn’t surprised that it was empty. She gripped the handle and moved towards the door. With a wide grin she hefted the drawer up and threw it at the door—the loud crash was rewarding.

“Hey!” The guard posted outside her room shouted at last, “I don’t know what that was but knock it—” Toshiko cut off his words by throwing the next drawer. She moved to open the next when she heard the handle being unlocked. 

“Look I don’t know what you’re—” the guard poked just his head into the room and paused, too late, realizing Toshiko was not at the dresser. The goal was not to kill the man but Toshiko was well aware it was a possibility as she slammed the third dresser drawer down on his head from next to the door. He went down like a rock.

Toshiko pulled him into the room, only wincing at her shoulder a little. She considered grabbing his keys as she stepped over him but didn’t want the added concern of extra noise. She took a second to peer into the hallway and swallowed a gasp. She’d expected to be in the upper floor of the museum, or perhaps in the guest house that she knew Mary lived in further back on the grounds, but she had not expected to open the door to the shiny, lacquered walls of the cavern that ran underneath.

“Crap,” she whispered. She had no idea where to go—not that she would have had any clue had it been anywhere else, but something told her the caverns ran much, much larger than she wanted. Feeling a little miffed that Mary had only seen fit to set one guard on her, Toshiko stepped into the hallway. She tried to recall things her father had said—the kind of off-handed odd wisdom he seemed to possess when he wasn’t thinking too hard—and decided left was the best direction.

It had been too long since she’d done anything remotely like this in the field. She and Stoker had been mostly research and observation for years. The last time she’d been involved on this level was before she’d left the Interpol Academy. She tried to keep her mind off worrying and over-thinking by trying to recall specific protocols and guidelines for just such an occasion. Well, maybe not down to the fine details, but close enough.

She came to a bend and pressed herself to the wall. She could hear voices coming towards her, speaking what sounded like Russian. She sucked in a breath and tried to regulate her breathing, calm her nerves as she waited for her opening. 

The two guards slowly walked past and Toshiko struck. She kicked out powerfully and connected with the closest guard’s side, knocking him off balance and into his companion. She stepped into the hallway, putting her back to the men and dropped almost immediately to her knees to avoid the punch she knew was coming. She leapt back upright and grabbed the second guard’s wrist—arm still outstretched from a punch that never landed—and slammed the hell of her other hand into his elbow, effectively dislocating the joint.

Just as she released her grip—the man screaming and moving quickly away—his companion had recovered. The first guard wrapped his arms over Toshiko’s torso, pinning her arms strongly to her sides. She kicked for a moment or two in feigned distress as he picked her off the ground before sucking in a breath and slamming her head backwards into his nose. He let out a muffle scream and dropped her, stepping back and covering his face.

Toshiko couldn’t help grinning to herself. The moment didn’t last and a sarcastic, slow clapping broke the air. Toshiko turned quickly, pulling her arms up defensively.

“Impressive,” Mary cooed, lowering her hands. Her armed guards kept their arms—and guns—up and aimed, “I can’t believe I forgot that you followed your father’s footsteps after college. It doesn’t matter, he broke his word.”

“He—” 

“That’s correct,” Mary smirked, nodding her guards forward, “your father couldn’t stay away. He’s further down, awaiting your arrival and our little celebration.”

Toshiko lifted her hands with a sneer as the guards neared her. She made no move to fight but did not make things easy on them as they attempted to bind her hands behind her. They jabbed their barrels into her back and she started forward reluctantly, following behind Mary as the woman lead them back down the hall the way they’d come.

“Of course I was planning to kill you no matter what your father did, but if he’d stayed away at least he could assure himself it wasn’t his fault,” Mary sighed, as if she really did feel sorry for Inspector Zenigata.

“Why?” Toshiko asked, her voice flat, “our history and the betrayal of my friendship aside, what good is killing me going to do? I didn’t have anything to do with what happened to your father.”

“No, you didn’t,” Mary conceded, turning the group into a sloping hall, “and I don’t hold you to Stoker’s crimes. Unfortunately, my dear Toshiko, your death is one of simple coincidence,” Mary patted the ancient tome under her arm and Toshiko’s eyes dropped to it briefly, “for my next trick I need a sacrifice. It was going to be some random poor sap but you had to get yourself involved. You’re female—which is required—and sadly you know too much for me to let you go. The moment you asked about a private showing you sealed your own fate. I was damned near certain that this book was the real thing when I first laid eyes on it, but I wasn’t sure. I was in the middle of trying to come up with ways of authenticating what I had when I got your letter,” Mary chuckled a little, “your interest and the interest of your predecessor told me everything I needed to know. There was no way you both would risk coming all the way out here to investigate unless it had something to do with your research.” 

Toshiko could not stop the gasp that escaped her lips. Mary laughed in response and stopped the march forward, turning to grin at Toshiko.

“That’s correct: I know almost everything about your new business venture. Your new agency is just getting on its feet though, isn’t it? You’ve got the man power, the research, but you’re still working on the funds and the clearances. How amusing most of the world isn’t ready to accept what you’re telling them,” Mary leaned in and patted Toshiko condescendingly on the cheek, “you know maybe I should have just let you go. It might have been worth it to see you locked up in a nut house over rantings and ravings about demons in Transylvania.”

Toshiko felt a strange kind of fear gripping her gut as Mary laughed and started walking forward once more. She didn’t want to see what awaited her and had trouble coming up with any reason she would be able to escape if her father hadn’t. The thought that he had gotten himself killed over her, for her mistakes was almost worse than the dread in her stomach. 

Mary turned a final corner and stepped into a large cavern. 

“Father!” Toshiko gasped, surging forward a little before the armed guards at her sides grabbed her arms. 

Mary had led them to the room below the cavern where she’d read the book the night prior. Toshiko had not seen it before but the ceiling was open over the platform to which Goemon and Fujiko had been tied. The ostentatious chandelier had been lowered slightly through the open ceiling and her father hung there, tied tightly to none other than Lupin the Third: both men appeared unconscious.

The color drained from Toshiko’s face as movement in the back of the room caught her eye. The hulking, demonic figures of Lupin’s partners were curled up in the back of the room, chewing on large rocks like dogs on bone. The masked face of Goemon turned to look at the arriving party, lifting slightly to permit the demon mouth under his chin to snarl. Fujiko kept silent, staring with her three round, dead eyes.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birds of a feather...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> For this chapter try Hang and Never Dance Again Battle Tapes Remix.

It was a good thing Lupin didn’t get dizzy easy. He’d been trying to hold still as he could but any movement—even breathing it seemed—spun him from where he hung on the chandelier. He couldn’t recall if Zenigata’s stomach had a penchant for cramping in circles but the inspector still seemed unconscious so it didn’t matter quite yet. 

“Oh, hi Toshiko!” Lupin called merrily as the group came into sight below him. He wiggled his fingers in a greeting as the woman looked up at him, pale in the face after seeing what had to be Goemon and Fujiko.

“L-lupin,” Toshiko said so quietly he could barely hear it.

“You’ll have to speak up,” Lupin shouted, “I’m a little too high to play telephone,” he chuckled.

“I should have had them gag you,” Mary called up, her sneer was clearly visible even from Lupin’s perspective. He stuck his tongue out at her in response.

“Hindsight, sweetheart, makes fools of all of us.”

“Well you and the inspector won’t have much longer to ponder the regrets of the past, once I’m done with Toshiko you’re next. With what I have planned your true nature won’t matter, and I felt it only fitting the two of you die together.”

“Aw, I bet pops’d be touched by your consideration,” Lupin tried to crane his neck and watch as the group moved directly below him and out of his line of sight. He could hear chains rattling and Mary giving quiet instructions. He could see Fujiko and Goemon moving, pacing around the room like caged tigers. He frowned deeply. 

There was a slight gasp from his blind spot and then the unmistakable sound of slap.

“Fine, if you want this the hard way, so be it,” Mary growled. Her voice was echoed by the sound of more rattling chains, fiercely rattling, and muffled shouting… then silence.

“Toshiko?!” Lupin shouted, wiggling in an attempt to swing himself and Zenigata just enough to see what was going on, “Toshiko!”

“Just keep shouting,” Mary called up with a laugh, “I’m sure it’s very therapeutic.”

“She better be unharmed!” Lupin continued, watching as Mary moved pointedly into his line of sight, “I wouldn’t want to be you when Zenigata gets out of this if she isn’t.”

“Your legendary confidence does not disappoint,” Mary gave a sarcastic wave and then left the room, two armed guards following her. Lupin waited for a second, straining to hear, “crap, crap, crap!”

He hadn’t seen or heard from Jigen since they’d gotten split up. He knew enough to suspect that the gunman was working on a plan to get them out—if he hadn’t been found and taken somewhere else… or killed. It seemed impossible that someone would get the better of Jigen but then again this woman was proving to be more resourceful than Lupin had assumed. The ropes bound around himself and Zenigata were somehow preventing him from releasing his true form and he had never encountered anything like that before. There had been a collar that one time… but that was another deal entirely.

Lupin heard Goemon roar below him and he once more tried to crane his neck and find Toshiko. He didn’t like that he couldn’t see her—didn’t like what he’d heard before Mary left. He held onto the hope that it seemed like Toshiko was to be a sacrifice of some kind and it went against all his occult experience to have the sacrifice dead before the ceremony began. Hopefully Mary just drugged the girl. Lupin hoped so… he really did. 

Glancing back down as he swung he caught a corner of the table he hadn’t seen before and his eyebrows lifted. If he could wake up Zenigata than the two of them might be able to swing wide enough to see her below them. 

“Hey, hey pops,” Lupin whispered, turning his head as far over one shoulder as he could. He could just see the side of Zenigata’s head from where he hung, back-to-back with the thief. Lupin began poking at Zenigata’s thigh—hip?—with the little movement he had in his hands. 

“WAKE UP!” Lupin shouted at last, straining his fingers to breaking with no results.

The ropes bounced and then tightened, chafing uncomfortably as Zenigata seemed to stir.

“Wh-what—what the--!”

“Relax, Inspector!” Lupin said quickly, “we’re in a tight spot but we ain’t dead yet.” 

“Lupin!” Zenigata turned his head over one shoulder than the other—Lupin doing the same but the opposite sides on purpose for a second—before both men found an angle where they could almost see one another.

“What’s going on?”

“We’re just hanging around for a nifty party, I think, but listen, I’ve got some bad news you’ll want to hear.”

“Will I really?”

“Mary just showed up a few minutes ago, down below us, with some goons and Toshiko.”

“To-toshiko…”

“I think she’s tied up below us but I can’t see her,” Lupin felt the inspector struggling wildly, “hey knock it off! I already tried that. Look, I think if we can work together, kind of like a swing-built-for-two, we might be able to rock enough to get a good look directly underneath us.”

“Yeah—yeah that could work,” Zenigata said breathlessly and Lupin really felt for the guy. He didn’t have kids—loved them but didn’t think he’d ever want some of his own—but he couldn’t imagine what was going through the inspector’s head being so close and yet so far from helping his daughter. He imagined it was a little like what he was feeling in regard to Goemon and Fujiko stalking around down there without their minds to themselves.

“On the count of three you swing your legs out and I’ll tuck mine underneath and then we’ll switch,”

“Right.”

“One—”

“Two—”

“Three!” Both men shouted in unison, putting their plan into action. For the first few rotations it seemed like it was hopeless, but as they became more desperate—pumping their legs harder and leaning more of their body into each action—they began to make progress. Encouraged they continued, pumping and swinging themselves harder and harder until Zenigata could see Toshiko’s face.

“Ah! I see her!” He exclaimed, trying to keep his eyes on her even as they swung back to the other side.

“She’s breathing!” Lupin said as the girl came into his line of sight.

“Oh, thank god,” Zenigata breathed and Lupin could feel his relief.

“Good work, old man,” he chuckled, “save your strength. Jigen’s working on an escape plan so we need to be ready for anything, all right?”

“Yeah-yeah,” Zenigata nodded but Lupin could feel him continuing to strain, looking either for a weakness in the ropes or another glimpse of his daughter. 

“That doesn’t feel much like saving your strength, Zenigata,” Lupin admonished.

“I-I know I just… Crap. This is the worst. I’m so close!” 

“It’ll all work out—you’ll see!”

“How can you be so sure, huh?”

“We’ve been in worse situations than this, you know that. Plus, there isn’t anyone in this whole world I put more faith in than Jigen—not even Fujiko—and he’s close by I can feel it.”

“That uh… that one of those… special things you can do?”

“Ha! No, actually, I just have a gut feeling. You work with somebody as closely as we do for long enough and you get to know these things.”

“Like… like when I knew you’d be after this book, even though it’s not your style,” Zenigata’s voice suddenly had a strange quality. 

“Uhm, yeah, yeah just like that,” Lupin answered quietly, his mind returning slowly to the conversation they’d been having before Toshiko’s kidnapping. He recalled seeing Zenigata hunched over, hearing his broken voice and his mood sobered a little.

“Can—” Zenigata started and then stopped, “I need to ask you a favor, Lupin.”

“A favor? Of me?”

“Don’t get cute,” Zenigata snapped, tilting his head to try and get Lupin to do the same so he could at least see him a little, “I’m serious.”

“As am I. Ask away, dear inspector.”

“I need you to promise if something happens to me down here—you’ll do everything you can to get Toshiko to safety,”

“Hey, pops, don’t—”

“No, shut up and listen,” Zenigata barked, “she’s the only thing I’ve ever done that matters, Lupin. All our chases, our history, my damned career—none of that holds a match to her. If I go down and it looks like I’m not getting back up, you forget everything and get her the hell outta here,” he paused slightly and then lowered his voice a little, a tone Lupin had never heard on him before, “you owe me that much.”

Lupin felt the words go straight to his chest, a sort of painful out-of-rhythm beat. He closed his eyes.

“I promise, Zenigata.”

“G-good,” the inspector said quietly, “thanks.”

Lupin slowly opened his eyes and glanced down. Fujiko was staring up at him. He grinned.

“Fujiko, baby!” Lupin called, whistling afterwards, “lookin’ hot!”

Fujiko growled, her muzzle splitting just slightly as she stalked a little closer, a little more underneath and out of Lupin’s line-of-sight. Lupin kicked his legs a bit.

“Hey-hey! Don’t do that…” he whined. 

“Good job, Lupin,” Zenigata scoffed, trying to pull up his legs a little, “now I really feel like bait.”

“Yanno if you’d used yourself as bait more often, pops, you might’ve caught me before now!” Lupin laughed.

“Damnit there you go again!” Zenigata hissed, “how do you do that? How do you find… how are you so positive all the time?”

“Eh? Easy! Confidence and the power of love,” the thief’s voice turned wistful and almost drunk.

“Gimme a break,” Zenigata grumbled.

“I’m being serious here! I’m not beaten until I’m beaten. There’s also the thing about Jigen—yanno, power of love and friendship and all that. Jigen and I might not be demons and we might not have some really powerful old book, but we’ve got plenty of tricks and a few lifetime’s worth of partnership at our disposal. There’s very little my pals and I can’t do.”

“Humph, yeah, I guess you’re right. This feels like higher stakes but maybe it’s just ‘cause I’m so personally involved. You’ve gotten out of tougher spots…”

“See! You’re coming around,” Lupin grinned.

“How’d you… how’d you all end up together anyway? Being what you are…”

“You know what they say, pops, ‘birds of a feather flock together’. We might not get a manual when we cross over—and the demons down there are only marginally more educated on the whole business—but we all kind of tend towards the same habits, especially in the beginning. We do the same things, go the same ways: it’s kind of a cool study into human psychology I guess. Inevitably you find like minds, kindred spirits, no matter how far your origins.”

“That’s—damn that’s kinda poetic,” Zenigata sighed, “did you go to America or did Jigen find his way to France?” 

“Say what now?”

“In Toshiko’s files on you—Jigen was er, Jigen died in Utah and you were in France last anyone knew,” the inspector paused, “how’d it—how’d it happen?” He was clearly not talking about Jigen and Lupin meeting anymore.

“A combination of recklessness, tragedy, love and fire, pops,” Lupin said with a sad smile that Zenigata could almost see in the tone of his voice.

“We might have some time to kill, if uh… if you’re—”

“Ah what the hell,” Lupin chuckled but it was the same kind of sad chuckle as his smile, “I think we’ve been on enough dates that you deserve to know the truth.”

Zenigata rolled his eyes but made no noise. He tried to get as comfortable as he could while dangling from a chandelier bound against his arch nemesis.

“I was raised mostly by my mother for most of my childhood, she was kind if a little misguided. I’d like to think I get my good looks from her side of the family,” Lupin laughed a little. “My father was in the French Army and I don’t think I could pick him out of a picture. My older brother supposedly looked like my old man’s mirror image so maybe I could use that as a guide. He took after our old man too—mean and sharp as a tack. Mom had a hard time around the time I turned fifteen, got really sick and had trouble caring for herself. Marcel—my older brother—took that as a sign he could really step in and handle the family finances. He sent mom off to a nunnery and I never heard from her again. I hope she found some peace but… I really just don’t know.”

Lupin tilted his head back a little and Zenigata felt a tingle run down his spine. Lupin’s head was practically on his shoulder.

“Marcel ran our limited resources into the ground in a matter of months, smart as he was money wasn’t one of his strong suits. He sold our family home and went to work as an armed guard for a local boarding school—they were the only place that would take him during the few years prior to World War 1—and signed me up as part of his payment. I guess I’m lucky he didn’t just write me off like he’d done our mother. Maybe he cared somewhere deep down in his black heart.”

Zenigata balked a little at that, the tone rather surprising. He didn’t want to interrupt and so he offered a slight ‘Mmmhmm.’

“Boarding school wasn’t that bad, really. I was challenged mentally and physically, I enjoyed most of what I learned and, well, let’s just say I gained a serious appreciation for the student body,” Lupin laughed. “I found some kindred spirits all right; students of all kinds and all backgrounds. We started a secret kind of club—sneaking out at night, breaking out of the school and into nearby mansions for drunken parties and not the kind you associate with American Frat boys, no these were true bohemian gatherings filled with deep philosophical discussions,” Lupin paused and his expression turned almost pained as he continued, “Marcel found out and he wasn’t happy. He kept reporting it to the higher ups but we were never caught and we never did enough to garner serious complaints from the surrounding civilians so they wrote it off. It only made Marcel more angry. I uh—I was just shy of sixteen when I fell in love, another student but not one who’d been to many of our impromptu gatherings.”

Zenigata smiled a little, having expected this part of the story. Lupin wasn’t quite Lupin without a little romance.

“Edouard was a year older than me, and made of money. His parents apparently felt bogged down by having a teenager in the home and shipped him off to school so they could indulge in a child-free lifestyle. He always seemed kinda lonely to me but my friends at the time said to leave it alone. He had kind of a reputation for being weird and scary and man if that didn’t make him more irresistible.”

Zenigata found himself with a strange expression on his face. It certainly wasn’t what he’d expected next but something about it was comforting. Almost like learning a friend had the same taste in crappy beer so you didn’t have to hide it all when he came to visit. Zenigata swallowed hard at the analogy. 

“I went out on a limb and invited Edouard to one of our gatherings, it took some convincing but he agreed. I’m still not sure if he was in love but damn I know I sure was. We got close—heh—real close but it was what kids did in school, especially in France. Boys, girls, all genders it didn’t really matter it was all about life and seizing the moment. Unfortunately Edouard had sharper eyes on him than the rest of us did and we got found out pretty quickly after that,” Lupin paused and Zenigata could feel him shifting in the ropes, “Marcel… well he knew exactly why I’d invited Edouard to the parties. He was one of those tight-laced, true red blooded men types—yanno the kind—let’s society dictate how a man’s supposed to act and… sleeping with anything other than the pretty girl next door was against his moral code. He uh, oh man, he let me have it,” Lupin tried to laugh but it was a painful sound.

“You uh—if it’s too hard to talk about, Lupin,” Zenigata offered, feeling suddenly very dry in the mouth.

“No way, pops, you asked and you’re gonna listen now,” Lupin teased, poking at Zenigata with the only freedom of movement he had. “We ignored all the warnings, like kids tend to do. We kept pushing back, we’d suck up our punishments and then get right back to it the next night. By then Marcel was a trusted member of the security team and so his word carried a lot of clout. He could see that the punishments we were being given were too light and so he made a suggestion,” Lupin paused again and his head returned to being almost on Zenigata’s shoulder. “They wrote a letter to Edouard’s parents and the backlash was immediate. It was a scandal. The school was drug through the mud, parents were out raged that they’d permitted such heathenry. Marcel was among some of the men and women who were fired from their jobs—the school actually looked like it may be closed down,” another dark chuckle, “which, yanno, I guess feels good some days. My little troupe and I decided that wouldn’t separate us—those who still had families started ignoring letters to return home and we made a pact. The night the carriage came for Edouard we were prepared. We hi-jacked the horses, knocked out the driver, and essentially kidnapped Edouard. Then we did the only thing we knew how to do to celebrate—we broke in to some huge manor and celebrated.”

Zenigata glanced down below them as Fujiko and Goemon started growling at one another, hissing and swatting at the air in challenge and warning. They seemed to be getting agitated more and more by the second. 

“Marcel followed us, I think, either that or he had someone else do it. There was no way he could have found us so easily if he’d just been relying on his own intuition. I think someone said they could see him, watching us from the edge of the property, but we were all young and in love and high on what we’d done. We didn’t—I didn’t recognize the threat. Marcel he—he barred the doors. He and his men dragged in huge bales of hay, logs, all kinds of kindling and… they set the whole place aflame,” Lupin’s voice slowed. “The manor lit up like a Christmas tree in a matter of seconds and we were trapped. The panic was only momentary before we huddled together and…” Lupin laughed one final time, hoarsely, “mostly it was the lack of oxygen that did us in. I’m thankful for that, at least.”

There was a pause and Zenigata was well aware of the tears on his cheeks. He could hear Lupin sniff a second later and could only imagine the thief was emotional as well. It was not an easy tale to hear and the inspector knew telling it—having lived it—had to double that emotion. He strained against the ropes.

Lupin stiffened a little as he heard and then felt Zenigata attempting to do something behind him. A second later he felt unsure fingers on the back of his hand, and then a firm grip with a poignant squeeze.

“I’m sorry,” Zenigata said sincerely, “that—that’s terrible.”

“Aww pops,” Lupin purred, “I don’t care what they say—you’re a nice guy.”


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
> 
> One sees you later and one in a little while!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter enjoys Nothing Personal, Destruction and Dark Matter.

Jigen felt like he’d wasted an entire day by the time he finally got back to the museum. Honestly he knew he was making damn good time—he’d snuck out of the cavern, out of the museum, off the grounds, back to their hotel room to grab a few things, back to the museum and back inside—as the sun was just setting. The museum was closed to the public which made moving around a bit easier, fewer guards and the knowledge that if a fight broke out Jigen wouldn’t have to consider innocent bystanders. 

He was trying to come up with ways to get back down into the cavern when he heard voices ahead of him. He ducked under the same scaffolding he and Lupin had used just a few days ago when the guards had led the suits down originally. It seemed like luck was going to pay him a surprise visit. He tipped back his hat and opened all his eyes to keep himself on high alert.

Mary turned the corner, two heavily armed guards at her sides and… freaking mummies at her back—four of them. Jigen blinked two eyes vigorously but the image didn’t change. Mummies. 

“—ony should last a few hours if everything goes smoothly,” Mary said to a nodding guard, “I want you and all but four of your men marching the grounds non stop during this time. I cannot be interrupted, do you understand? Once I start this I either finish it or I lose my opportunity. I have already activated the first step, I have already spilled blood and marked my sacrifice, it will take years to set this all up a second time and I don’t have that type of patience.”

“Yes, Ms.Hellsing,” the guard answered confidently.

“Tell your men not to worry about the mummies either,” Mary said with a chuckle as Jigen lost sight of them in the room, “they are dumb as rocks but follow very simple instructions. I’ve ordered them not to mess with anyone dressed like you.”

“Very good, Ms.Hellsing,” the guard continued and Jigen could hear the gears turning that signaled the stairs being revealed.

“Do not screw this up for me,” Mary hissed one final time, “I know you weren’t present to see what those demons did to my donors but suffice it to say if this fails your death will not be as forgiving.”

“Understood, Ms.Hellsing.”

Jigen pressed himself to the wall as he heard the guard returning to the hallway. As he watched the uniformed man head back into the main entryway he listened carefully to ensure all steps from inside the room were quiet. The gunman darted across the open doorway and caught the door to the entryway before it closed completely. He was limited a little as he knew his transformation would be too noisy—there was nothing he could do about the sound of chains rattling behind him—but he knew he was capable enough as he was.

“Hey, hey, psst,” he whispered watching the guard stiffen and turn to face him, “yanno I don’t think she’s gonna be too happy you just waltzed right past me, pal.” Jigen chuckled as the guard moved forward, and then froze as Jigen lifted his gun and pressed it to the man’s forehead, “I also don’t think she’s gonna like what I’m about to do to ya.”

“You’re bluffing,” the guard said confidently, “you’re just one man and if I whistle I could have at least three other guards here in seconds.”

“Then do it,” Jigen hissed menacingly, “or strip, your choice. I need that uniform and if you don’t hand it over willingly I’m not gonna hesitate to take it the hard way.”

Jigen opened the door a little more and waved the guard forward with his free hand. There was a second of tense negotiation within the guard’s mind before he lifted his hands and slowly walked forward. Once in the hallway Jigen quietly closed the door behind them, keeping his gun pressed against the man’s skin the whole time. 

“Get on with it, I’m in a bit of a rush,” Jigen sighed, locking eyes—all eyes—with the man before him. He watched the sudden realization kick in and the guard quickly began removing his uniform. Jigen moved the gun with the man’s bending and twisting, knowing any give on his end could have the guard fighting back.

“Thanks for making this easy,” Jigen said sincerely as the guard stepped away from his discarded uniform in a tank top and boxers, “and I’m sorry about this next part.”

The guard barely had time to register what Jigen had said and the implications before the gunman slugged him in the jaw. Jigen caught the surprised guard just before his unconscious body hit the ground. He carefully laid him down and tucked him against the wall. He might have been safer killing the man outright—so that he couldn’t wake up and sound an alarm in a few moments’ time—but he trusted maybe the guy would take the opportunity to run. He seemed like a pretty smart guy.

Jigen quickly pulled on the uniform, boots, hat and all. It was an odd fit to be sure but Jigen was used to ill-fitted disguises. At least he had full range of motion and a hat in this get-up, not like the stuffy tourist clothing he’d been forced to wear on the tour. He picked up the small bag he’d brought with him and slung it over his shoulder, hopefully it wouldn’t be different enough to clue in the mummies.

The gunman’s luck held out and he was able to quickly dart down the stairs to the caverns as they had not yet closed off. He wasn’t sure if they had an automatic shut function but it seemed like a hassle to build something so complex and diabolical without some kind of a failsafe. He slowed his movements and kept his gun at the ready as he stepped into the dark caverns where all the torches and sconces had been put out. 

“Crap,” he muttered under his breath. The dark wasn’t really a huge obstacle for him—three outta five eyes were fine in the pitch—but it really made his skin crawl having two useless eyes just scanning nothing. 

He remembered the path he and Lupin—and then he and Zenigata—had taken and made his way to the cell chamber. The cavern system had to be huge and they’d only seen a small portion of it—it seemed like a huge oversight for a woman like Mary to have two rooms exclusively dedicated to the occult. If Jigen was gonna set something up like this he’d make sure he could switch rooms, change things up. He supposed he was lucky not all villains thought like he did.

He crept slowly down the long, narrow staircase and could hear rumblings the further down he went. Voices became clear, at least four of them, along with the familiar anxious moaning and growling of fully transformed Fujiko and Goemon. He was also fairly certain one of the voices was Zenigata—his ears had been trained to pick up on that voice for years.

The gunman sucked in a quick breath as he turned the final curve and came face-to-face with a mummy: a literal dead-body-wrapped-in-gauze mummy. The blank eye holes in the fabric were definitely trained on him, looking him over during a long moan that just seemed to keep going. Jigen swallowed hard but the mummy—easily taller than Jigen—turned away and lost interest. 

Jigen found his heart working again and slowly moved forward, keeping his eyes on the mummy as long as he could. He jumped out of his skin as he turned his head to find another mummy. This time he was prepared enough to glance down the hallway as he was studied—there was a line of mummies leading into the large chamber at the end of the hall.

“Freakin’ great,” Jigen mumbled.

“Uuuhhhh?” the closest mummy questioned.

“Great job, man, keep it up,” Jigen offered, almost patting the mummy on the shoulder before thinking better of it. He walked slowly in an almost zig-zag down the hall, bouncing from one curious mummy to the next. Each one seemed to deem him appropriately dressed and let him pass—each one also smelled worse than the next. The gunman marveled at how true evilness seemed to eradicate one’s sense of smell.

Wrapping up the gauntlet of mummy eyes Jigen crouched low and moved forward to peer into the chamber. He was definitely hearing four people now—Lupin, Zenigata, Mary and muffled insults he knew had to be Toshiko. He smirked a little at just how much of her father’s fire she had in her.

Zenigata was making threats with Lupin occasionally interjecting like the school bully’s best friend and cheering squad. Mary had to have been reading from the book—her voice was monotone and the words were more like sounds, like one long sound without a break or distinguishable words. There were also still the rumbles of Goemon and Fujiko. 

Jigen took a slow breath, closing his eyes and steadying himself. This was gonna be close but he was confident his plan would work. 

“Ready or not,” he whispered to no one, made sure his gun was ready and darted into the room.

“I think that’s enough of that,” Jigen called into the echoing chamber. Amidst the cheerful cry of Lupin and Zenigata to see him, Jigen took stock of the full room before him. Lupin and Zenigata were strung up and tied back-to-back hanging from the chandelier in the room above. They had been lowered slightly through the hole in the ceiling. Mary stood at the podium on the lowered platform as she had been the previous night and Toshiko was bound to the sacrificial table—some kind of fabric stuffed in her mouth. Two armed guards stood behind Mary. Goemon and Fujiko were slowly ambling forward from behind Mary in the shadows of the cavern and…

“Crap,” about fifteen more mummies and a dozen over-sized crocodiles meandered in the dead space between Jigen and the group. The gunman stiffened as Lupin and Zenigata began shouting instructions at him, most of which comprised of telling him to watch out.

“This is a hell of a lot of overkill to get someone to listen to your shitty poetry,” Jigen sneered, pointing his gun at Mary as she stopped reading. It was a good thing she was human because if she had any ounce of supernatural power Jigen was sure it would have been lasers in the eyes that were trying to blow the gunman up where he stood.

“You are going to pay dearly for this,” Mary hissed, stretching out her hand to order her hordes forward.

“Right sure but let me even the field here a bit—” Jigen shifted the bag at his back and reached inside. He removed a long wrapped package and what appeared to be a polaroid. 

“Goemon, Fujiko—catch!” Jigen ordered tossing the wrapped package to Goemon and flicking the polaroid like a ninja star at Fujiko.

Instinct kicked in and Goemon caught the package in a massive hand so it didn’t hit him in the face. He brought it closer for inspection and ripped open the wrapping with his teeth revealing Zantetsuken. Instantly a gold glow seemed to surround the oni and then slide off him, revealing his human façade beneath. 

Fujiko caught the polaroid between her palms and slowly flipped it over. The picture was obscured from all view but her own however it seemed to have the same effect. A golden glow started around her and then pool at her feet like a curtain on a quick change artist. She stood flabbergasted in the wake of the transformation.

“No time for questions—Goemon!” Jigen pointed upwards at Lupin and Zenigata and quickly took aim as a crocodile lunged for him.

Goemon was breathless and his mind was a torrent of thoughts but he knew he didn’t have time for any of that. He followed Jigen’s finger and instantly knew what was requested of him. He broke the seal of Zantetsuken’s sheath and leapt into the air. A few well-timed slices and he landed nearer to Fujiko, sliding the sword back into its housing. Zenigata and Lupin shouted as they dropped like rocks from the ceiling, landing on either side of where Mary had bound Toshiko. After a beat for everyone to reassess time started again at double pace.

Jigen continued to fire at the large crocodile, maw easily five feet long. His bullets pierced the armor but did not seem to slow the creature down. He found himself backing up towards the stairs and a quick glance over his shoulder told him the mummies from the hall were turning into the fray.

Goemon helped Fujiko to her feet and the two stood to face with Mary’s armed guards. The swordsman had a raging storm of turmoil to pay forward and he knew Fujiko was in the same state. Cracking stiff joints Goemon stepped to the side and reached for his sword. He saw the guard laugh and aim his gun. As the trigger was pulled Goemon whipped out Zantetsuken and sliced two bullets in half with ease.

Fujiko rolled her head from shoulder to shoulder as she stared down the guard facing her. She was unarmed—for the moment—and though the man hadn’t forgotten the monster she had just been she could tell he was underestimating what she was capable of. She started forward at a run and he opened fire. She dropped to the slick cave floor and slid right between his legs, kicking up a leg at the last possible second to stop her forward motion and dig her toes into the man’s crotch.

Lupin spun as he climbed to his feet and pointed at Mary behind the podium.

“Let’s you and me dance, hmm?” He offered, holding out his hand and walking slowly forward. 

Mary’s eyes grew wide and she instantly dropped her attention back to the book. She placed her fingers on the pages and quickly found where she’d left off. She began reading in a loud, hurried tone. Lupin wanted to imagine her panic was causing her to mispronounce a word here or there but he had no way of knowing. He continued forward slowly as the book began to glow and the podium shook.

Zenigata quickly moved to unclasp the bindings on Toshiko’s ankles, moving next to her wrists. She pulled the gag from her mouth and sat up quickly, turning to pull her father into an embrace.

“Ah, easy,” Zenigata hissed as his injured shoulder was compressed, “that’s damn sore.”

Toshiko pulled away and frowned at the large bloodstain on her father’s shirt. She hadn’t noticed it before she went in for the hug but she had only really been thinking about assuring herself that he was real and safe. 

“We need to stop her and get that book!” Toshiko barked, glancing over her shoulder at Mary as she started reading again.

“Right,” Zenigata agreed reaching for his gun before realizing they had obviously taken it from him when they’d caught him earlier. It looked like he’d be down to his fists and the thought was obscenely thrilling.

Jigen cursed again, realizing he was pinned in a bad situation—real bad. Neither the mummies nor the crocodiles seemed in the least bit troubled by his gun. He dodged another snap of a crocodile’s jaws, barely, and tried to push his brain into overdrive. Both opponents were slow and not at all dexterous and Jigen had that on them if nothing else. 

“Woah!” he darted to the side from one mummy’s reaching arms and knocked into another one who instantly wrapped arms around Jigen’s torso. They began to squeeze and lifted the gunman completely off the ground. A crocodile swooped in to assist and Jigen kicked out, pressing a foot to the top and bottom jaw of the croc and bracing himself to prevent it from moving loser.

“Crap!”

The guard on Goemon, realizing his bullets were useless, decided to throw caution to the wind and surprise the samurai with a crazy tactic. He tossed the gun over his shoulder and launched himself at Goemon with arms outstretched. Having not expected anything like that Goemon was unable to draw his blade in time and ended up in a stalemate grapple with the guard. 

Goemon locked his arms around the man’s shoulders as the guard did the same. The samurai twisted his head and attempted to over-power the guard. He could feel the gloved hands moving in towards his throat and he dropped to his knees. The guard’s force pushing on his shoulders sent him tumbling and Goemon assisted by releasing his own hold and grabbing the man’s legs, flipping him over onto his back with mostly his own momentum.

Fujiko climbed to her feet as the guard whimpered and gagged from the pain, tears welling in his eyes. She stepped onto his lower back as she reached for his gun.

“Why is it that men still feel like women are inferior when all it takes is a well-placed kick to bring a man to his knees?” She chuckled. There was a slight pause and then she ruthlessly delivered a butt stroke to the man, hearing his teeth crack against the cavern floor as she did. It might have been a bit of overkill but she was not in any mood to play nice.

She turned back towards where she could hear the book’s words still leaking into the air. It was reminiscent of the horrible ringing which had walked her right into this trap and she felt ice crackling through her veins. It had been a long time since she’d been so terrified and the after effects were hard to shake. She shook her head and hit the safety of the gun.

“Lupin—catch!” She yelled across the cavern, throwing the gun.

“Oh, Fujiko I love ya!” Lupin darted forward, watching as Mary grabbed the book from the podium and stopped reading. The woman flipped frantically through a few pages as Lupin caught the gun, turned off the safety and aimed it at the Hellsing.

“Don’t make me shoot you,” Lupin sighed, narrowing his eyes, “I will without hesitating but I really, really don’t wanna.”

Mary’s eyes grew wide but she didn’t stop. She stepped sideways, fully aware of Goemon and Fujiko moving around behind her. She dropped her eyes to the book and paused before sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. There was only a second’s pause before she bit down—hard—and spat blood onto the page of the book before her. Blood trickled down her chin as she whispered a few words under her breath.

“Crap!” Lupin hissed and fired two quick shots.

Mary winced and turned away to brace for the end but it never came. Her eyes slowly opened and she grinned like a maniac as she saw the fading gold ripples of the force field around her.

“I am unstoppable!” She bellowed.

Toshiko moved up behind Lupin, knowing her father was close in tow. She kept her eyes trained on Mary, speechless at the glowing forcefield her one-time-friend had erected with just blood and some powerful old words. 

“Any thoughts, Zenigata Junior?” Lupin chuckled at her over his shoulder.

“I—no. I’m not as great at linguistics as I should be. If I could see it—maybe read it I could understand but just hearing it I’m at a loss,” she frowned and then quickly reached out and grabbed Lupin’s shoulder, “wait! Old weapons—old stuff!” 

“Huh—what?” Lupin lowered the gun a little and turned to watch as Toshiko dropped to the floor and tried to pry up a rock. In the distance they could hear Mary continue to sing.

“Lupin—shoot it! Break it off!” Toshiko ordered, stepping back and pushing her father in the chest to urge him to do the same.

Zenigata frowned as Lupin shrugged and took aim at the rock on the floor. The inspector glanced up to Mary who seemed fully engrossed in the book—looked like it was far too much work to walk any distance, at any speed, and read at the same time. He wondered if maybe the book was leaching power from her; it would certainly work in their favor.

He winced as the bullet broke the rock into pieces. Toshiko moved quickly and picked up a huge chunk, stepped in front of Lupin and lobbed it at Mary like a professional baseball player. The rock sailed through the air and collided with the side of Mary’s face, causing the woman to stumble and gasp. Toshiko whooped.

“Old weapons!” The woman repeated, “the armor is a protective measure so it would have been designed to protect against things the author couldn’t fathom—things they would have needed extra protection for! Weapons they were familiar with wouldn’t have seemed as threatening!”

“You hear that, Goemon!” Zenigata shouted. 

“Hey I dunno what’s goin’ on over there but I could use SOME HELP!” Jigen shouted, still braced between a mummy and a crocodile. His legs were beginning to shake and he’d emptied his bullets into the ground. The crocodiles and the mummies at least seemed a little confused as to who was the enemy. He’d lost a couple to pursuit of the others but one crocodile and a couple mummies was still going to be enough to do him in if he didn’t get some kind of help, fast.

He wiggled and tried to break the grapple but the mummy was too damned strong. The croc was beginning to tire of battling Jigen’s feet and the gunman could see gears turning. Crocodiles weren’t stupid—especially giant and clearly not-normal crocodiles like this one—and he knew it wouldn’t take long for the beast to figure out a better approach.

Goemon turned and dropped down onto the guard who’d come after him, straddling him. The swordsman reached down and dislocated the man’s shoulder against the cavern floor. He climbed to his feet as he heard Lupin and Jigen’s voices calling for him. Lupin was closer but Jigen seemed to be in more trouble.

“If we stop her we might stop them!” Fujiko called to the swordsman, then pointed to Jigen, “go help Lupin!”

Goemon nodded and quickly made his way towards the far entrance of the cavern.

Fujiko narrowed her eyes as she watched Mary struggling with what her next steps were. Suddenly the Hellsing turned and ran and Fujiko was after her along with Lupin and both Zenigatas. On her way through Fujiko bent down and picked up the gun discarded by the guardsman who’d come for Geomon. 

“You uh—you feeling more like yourself?” Lupin poked as Fujiko joined the race after their foe. She sneered at Lupin.

“Yeah, you know it feels so good to be disgusted by you personally once again,” Fujiko winked.

“Aww, Fuji-cakes that hurts!”


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CANNONBALL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter's theme is most definitely Dark Matter.

Goemon sliced his way through crocodiles and mummies to Jigen’s side. The gunman’s bullets might not have been effective but it was very hard—even for an undead and re-animated thing—to move without limbs. He moved to cut down the mummy holding Jigen when the crocodile at the gunman’s feet snapped his tail and dripped Goemon up.

Zantetsuken was already freed and Goemon angled the cut. Instead of taking out the mummy entirely instead it sliced off both legs from the knee. Jigen and the mummy’s torso collapsed to the ground as Goemon barely caught himself on the wall. The crocodile lunged forward and clamped down on Jigen’s shoulder.

“Yaaaah!”

“Jigen!” Goemon darted forward and drove his blade through the head of the crocodile. He sheathed the weapon and helped free Jigen’s shoulder from the vice-grip of the mummy. He slipped his arm under Jigen’s good side and helped him stand.

“Freakin’ perfect,” Jigen growled, leaning heavily on Goemon as they waded back through a sea of rolling, legless crocodiles and confused, spinning one-legged mummies. 

“How’re you feelin’?” Jigen asked as he began to expertly re-load his weapon one-handed.

“I will have time later to deal with my inner turmoil,” Goemon replied stoically. Jigen whistled.

“That bad, huh?”

“It has been—many years since I have been so out of control,” Goemon led the duo down the hall the rest of the group had gone. He could hear them stomping through the ankle deep water in the distance. 

“Lets go make sure it doesn’t happen again, huh?” Jigen chuckled, patting Goemon on the chest as a sign he was good to stand on his own. The samurai reluctantly released him.

“Jigen—”

“Nah, no good getting all sappy on me now, Goemon,” Jigen shook his head and smiled, “I hate it when you get all dark and pensive on me.”

“I am always dark and pensive?” Goemon tilted his head to one side.

“Yeah but—I mean not like—” Jigen sighed as Goemon blinked at him in confusion, “I’ll explain later.”

The duo broke into a run, deciding that sneaking in wasn’t going to be their best option. They quickly caught up to the voices in the distance as talking had replaced the sound of walking, meaning they either found a dead-end or Mary had conjured up more reinforcements. The two walked slowly forward and into an incredibly dark cave, lit only by moonlight streaming in from a hole easily a hundred feet above them. Mary held the book closed and tightly to her chest, Lupin and Zenigata had weapons lowered and aimed at her while Fujiko and Toshiko looked ready to pounce.

“Seems like they’ve got everything under control,” Jigen chuckled as he too took aim and walked forward with Goemon at his side, “but just in case you’d better not move a damned muscle or you’ll be flossing with lead.”

There was a beat and then Lupin nearly doubled over in laughter, Fujiko too started chuckling. Jigen frowned.

“Jigen—Jigen—” Lupin’s voice was broken by a sound that was something between a snort and a laugh, “what—the hell—was that!”

“No good?” Jigen laughed, ignoring Zenigata as he glanced from Lupin to the gunman in complete shock, “too clunky?”

“Why not—I hope you have a good dentist?” Fujiko provided.

“I think you have a cavity,” supplied Goemon.

“Flossing with lead!” Lupin repeated, still trying to breathe through laughter.

“It’s time for a filling, the hard way,” Goemon tried again.

“You need a root canal and I’m all out of laughing gas!” Lupin shouted.

“You better believe in the tooth fairy,” Fujiko snorted.

“Have we all forgotten WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” Zenigata shouted, snatching the gun from Lupin and instantly aiming it at Mary. “Put down the book, Mary,” the inspector ordered.

Mary looked winded, bloodied and terrified but it was not the face of a woman about to give up. She clutched the book tighter to her chest.

“You still don’t understand—I can’t just stop. I started something and I have to finish it,” she took a small step back. The chuckling died off and the group watched her carefully. 

“We can’t let you do that,” Toshiko growled, “you’re meddling with forces—” 

“I don’t understand?” Mary finished with a scoff, “no. I understand—I always have! I devoted my life to this. Everything I have ever done was to get me where I am right this second!”

“Surrounded, out-numbered and bleeding?” Fujiko sighed, “not every girl’s dream but I won’t judge.”

“I am following in the footsteps of my ancestors!” Mary shrieked. “For generations my family were protectors, honored guards and praised fighters. We kept the monsters—monsters like you—at bay so that humanity could thrive. We were powerful and celebrated!”

“I really don’t need another history lesson,” Jigen grumbled, twirling a finger in his ear.

“There are always monsters and so there are always monster hunters,” Goemon quipped, “what makes your ancestors so special?”

“We were the best that’s what! Others came to us to learn, to hone their skills. We were untouchable… Until humanity decided they didn’t need us anymore. Technology progressed and the monsters got driven away and my family name was soured, cursed,” Mary silently slipped her fingers through some of the pages. “Now when a Hellsing doesn’t have real monsters and demons to fight—they must fight them within—and I am done fighting,” Mary quickly flipped open the book and started reading at lightning speed. 

Zenigata, Jigen and Fujiko quickly took aim but as they fired the whole cavern shook. Rocks and small pebbles began falling from the expanding hole in the ceiling. The water began to turn and slosh back and forth as if the whole cavern were a bauble. Two bullets missed Mary entirely but the third hit her in the arm and in her shock she dropped the book.

“No!” she shrieked as she attempted to catch it but the large tome slipped through her fingers. As it hit the water—and Toshiko made a small shout as well—it began to dissolve, bubbling as if boiling and spilling gold into the water. Mary took a step back as the gold flowed towards her feet. Her face was pale.

“What… what have you done,” she gasped.

A small twirl began in the water near the book, a whirlwind like a small drain had been opened. As quickly as it had started it grew, doubling in size and beginning to suck the water from the room at rapid speed while the quaking and shaking continued. The whirlpool soon opened up into a roaring hole in the floor, the disintegrating book slipping over the edge. Mary turned to run but the crack in the ground was too quick and she fell into the abyss below with an echoing scream.

“Time to leave—time to leave!” Lupin shouted suddenly, turning to push at Fujiko. 

The group turned, stumbling over one another as they tried to navigate their way back through. The ankle deep water was somehow getting deeper as they ran away from the whirlpool: deeper water meant a stronger current. Goemon slipped first and took Jigen with him, they slid into Zenigata’s legs and his stumble sent Toshiko head-over-heels. Fujiko reached out to try and grab her and knocked into Lupin who’s legs slipped out from under him.

Screaming in unison to make a single, terrified cry, they slipped over the edge of the still growing crevice and fell into darkness.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cowabunga duuuude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter is meant to pair with The Metro.

Zenigata bolted upright and immediately regretted it. He rolled over and gripped his shoulder, wincing. He was bleeding again and everything hurt. He quickly looked around and found the rest of the group splayed out around him thanks to the light from a single lit torch on the wall. The water that had washed them down the drain—so to speak—was mostly gone, leaving them all uncomfortably damp but in no danger of drowning. Standing stiffly he glanced up at the large hole and could see nothing but darkness above him. Deciding not to question things the inspector took the torch off the wall and moved to kneel next to Toshiko.

“’shiko,” he said softly, gently shaking her shoulder. He smiled as she opened her eyes and then sat up as quickly as he had. He left a hand on her shoulder to steady her.

“Whe-where—”

“I have no idea,” Zenigata glanced around, holding the torch up in his free hand, “but Mary’s nowhere to be seen. Either she woke up first and took off or she’s somewhere else entirely.”

“I’d say we’ve got bigger problems at the moment,” Lupin groaned from a few feet away, pushing himself up off his stomach, “like how the heck we’re gonna get out of here.”

“We may have to—to work together on this one, Lupin,” Zenigata said gruffly.

“Genius idea, pops,” Lupin gave a thumbs up as he carefully lifted Fujiko into a seated position as her eyes fluttered open.

Goemon and Jigen stirred next, the swordsman moving rather quickly to help the gunman up. A large stain of blood was visible through the dark—and stolen—guard uniform Jigen wore. Zenigata narrowed his eyes a bit as Goemon touched it, concerned, and Jigen waved him back with a small smile.

“Left or right then?” Lupin asked as he approached Zenigata, holding out his hand to initiate a truce shake. Behind him stood Fujiko, Jigen and Goemon, wet and bedraggled but smiling. 

Zenigata glanced down at Lupin’s offered hand. Behind him Toshiko wrung out her hair and smirked. The Inspector clasped Lupin’s hand in both of his, giving a firm shake.

“Left,” Zenigata said confidently, “always left.”

It was an odd group but then any group in the dark, wet cave system would have been odd. Every now and again one of them would turn as if they’d heard something but it was chalked up to the atmosphere and nothing came of it. 

After walking for what felt like hours the group came to a three-way split in the tunnel. One tunnel seemed to angle up slightly, one down slightly and one in the center seemed to continue forward straight.

“More torches,” Toshiko said quietly, feeling exhaustion seeping into every movement. She stepped forward all the same and pulled the unlit torches from where they hung on the walls, lighting them and passing them out to the rest of the group.

“We might want to split up,” Lupin suggested, “cover more ground that way.”

“No way, Lupin,” Zenigata growled, “I’m not about to let you out of my sight.”

“Easy there, pops,” Lupin held his hands up, “I’ll just go with you then, sound fair?”

Zenigata turned to look at Toshiko. She gave him a look that clearly said she was a little offended he assumed she needed his protection. He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Y-eah, I guess that works.”

“Last one to find the exit buys the first round,” Lupin started forward down the center tunnel, “you comin’?” 

Goemon—who carried a newly lit torch—looked to Jigen and then nodded towards the tunnel on the right, sloping slightly downward. The gunman nodded. 

“Be careful around her,” Zenigata hissed low as Fujiko moved around with her torch to join Toshiko, “she’s capable of a lot more than just turning into some big fox demon.” 

“I heard that,” Fujiko pouted, “and honestly what good would it do me to try something down here? I need to get out as much as the rest of you!”

“Just don’t try anything funny!” Zenigata warned, poking at Fujiko. He turned back to look at Toshiko and a million different things came into his mind.

“I’ll be fine,” Toshiko assured, taking her father’s hands and grinning, “I am a Zenigata afterall.”

The Inspector smiled and watched as Fujiko handed her torch to Toshiko. He slowly moved to join Lupin at the entrance of the center tunnel and took a deep breath. 

“Nobody do anything stupid, don’t touch anything, we’re just lookin’ for an exit,” he instructed, “if you find it, back track, hit the next tunnel together, then the third. Don’t split up.”

“Aye, aye, cap’n,” Jigen gave a salute and immediately growled in pain. Goemon seemed eager to address the injury but hesitated.

Zenigata nodded and the groups started down their chosen tunnels. 

Toshiko reached up as they walked a little further, seeing etchings in the cavern wall. She tried to get a closer look when Fujiko sighed and grabbed her arm, pulling her down the tunnel.

Jigen didn’t get two feet into the tunnel before Goemon stopped him, grabbing his good arm. When Jigen turned to question the swordsman he was met with a dark look.

“Uh—Goemon?”

“Let me see your shoulder,” the samurai said and it was not a request. 

“Goemon—I really don’t think we have time to—”

“It was not a request,” Goemon placed his hands on his hips, “I will dress your wound before we go any further.”

Jigen scoffed and made a few short noises of disapproval before giving in and starting to remove his stolen uniform. 

“I have many regrets, Jigen,” Goemon started as Jigen cursed at the buttons down his chest, “but tonight I almost added another.”

“What’d I tell you about gettin’ all weird on me out here, man?”

“I am choosing to ignore that. I have something I wish to say and I am going to say it.”

“Then spit it out already,” Jigen hissed, shrugging his shoulder free of the dirtied clothes.

“I have lived many life times but have never done anything worthwhile until now,” Goemon moved forward and handed Jigen the torch as he began looking over the injury.

“Patchin’ up my shoulder in a dank cave is worthwhile?” Jigen chuckled, trying not to wince.

“This is not the thing I am referring to,” Goemon said as if Jigen should have been well aware of what he was getting at, “my feelings for you are.”

“Freakin’,” Jigen grumbled and tipped his head back against the cave wall. He sighed and then leaned forward to pull Goemon in for a kiss.

Lupin cupped his hands over his mouth and made a strange yodeling sound as he followed behind Zenigata. The noise made the inspector nearly jump out of his skin and he rounded on the thief.

“Would you knock that off!”

“Oh c’mon, I’m just having a little fun. How often do you get to play with acoustics like this!” Lupin threw his hands out and smacked his knuckle into the cave wall. Pulling it away and popping the knuckle to his mouth he glared at Zenigata’s laughter.

“Serves you right.”

“Hey, Zenigata, you still really gonna turn me in after all of this?” Lupin moved up to walk next to Zenigata.

“Yup,” the inspector said without hesitation.

“What? Seriously! I saved your ass. We shared a moment!”

“And you’re still a good for nothin’ thief, Lupin, and I’m an Inspector with Interpol. As long as you’re you and I’m me—that’s how it’s gonna be.”

“Geez,” Lupin whistled, “you’d think having your life turned up-side down would give you a better perspective on things.”

“Ha, you wish. You know Lupin I—” Zenigata’s voice halted abruptly as his foot nearly stepped forward into nothing. He immediately swung his arm out and near clothes-lined Lupin in an attempt to stop him from walking forward… forward and over the edge of the long drop in front of them.

“Woah!” Lupin leaned over Zenigata’s arm, gripping it like a curious child as he peered into the darkness below them. “That’s a long way down!”

“Sheesh, yeah,” Zenigata held his torch out into the long column in front of them. He could see a little above and a little below and almost straight across. It was like the inside of an ant colony—a tall, column shaped room with hundreds of tunnel exits.

“What the heck do you think this is all for?” Lupin pressed as Zenigata slowly lowered his arm. The thief let his hands linger a little longer than necessary on the other man’s arm.

“I don’t have a damned clue,” Zenigata whispered, almost awestruck.

“Yoohoo—Lupin!” 

Zenigata and Lupin both leaned a little further forward and glanced upright upon hearing Fujiko’s voice. Fujiko and Toshiko stood in the exit of a tunnel somehow across the gap and up from Lupin and Zenigata. They waved, frowning a little.

“How did you—” Zenigata turned to look behind him and then back up. Toshiko shrugged.

“Wow, how deep is this place?” Fujiko asked, crouching down and holding the torch out in front of her.

“Can’t tell,” Lupin scratched his head, leaning down to peer into the darkness himself, “can’t see.”

“Hmm, I can fix that,” Fujiko smiled and tossed her torch down into the center of the column.

“Hey,” Toshiko mumbled as an afterthought. The torch flew down the tunnel, illuminating section after section of tunnels, further and further down until hitting water and hissing into smoke.

“That enough of a fall to kill somebody?” Fujiko asked.

“Maybe?” Zenigata responded.

“Hey, Geomon! Jigen! Can you hear us?” Lupin called into the darkness, glancing around for lights below them. There was no answer.

“Ugh,” Fujiko said after a second, “you don’t think they’re…?”

“What? In a situation like this? No way!” Lupin laughed. Zenigata decided he didn’t want an answer.

The inspector stepped quickly away from the edge as the cavern shook a little, nothing like the quake from before but enough to be concerning. He glanced over at Lupin who looked agreeably worried. There was a scraping sound in the distance like stone on stone and then two familiar voices yelling. 

Zenigata, Lupin, Toshiko and Fujiko all glanced down towards the bottom of the column as Jigen and Goemon threw themselves forward.

“RUN!” Jigen shouted as he and Goemon began falling.

“Shit! Jigen! Goemon!” Lupin shouted, leaning almost completely out of the tunnel.

The grinding noise continued and the floor beneath Zenigata and Lupin suddenly slanted. Both men lost their footing and slipped towards the drop, clawing against the sides of the tunnel for purchase. Lupin found a hold and immediately reached out for Zenigata’s hand. The inspector grabbed Lupin’s hand tightly, braced himself and muffled a shout as he slipped over the edge to dangle at the end of Lupin’s arm. His shoulder throbbed.

“Dad!” Toshiko shouted, kneeling at the edge of the drop.

“Be careful!” Zenigata shouted up just as the floor beneath the women slanted as well. Zenigata tried to brace himself against the wall and keep an eye on his daughter. 

“Hang on, Fujiko!” Lupin shouted worriedly. 

The women were unable to find any purchase and slipped unceremoniously over the edge to follow Goemon and Jigen down. Zenigata sucked in a breath as they passed but he had no chance of catching either of them. He looked quickly up at Lupin and they met eyes, smiling.

“Going down?” Zenigata joked.

“Always up for a swim,” Lupin laughed and released his hold. Even though they’d been expecting the fall both men added their screams to the other four descending the drop.

Jigen tried to hold his hat on as he hit the water, hard, Goemon beside him. Fujiko and Toshiko were next followed by Zenigata and Lupin. It took them a second to right themselves under water, but Goemon spotted a clear out and waved the others forward.

Zenigata felt like an uncoordinated toddler following behind the others. He was a strong swimmer—he had to be chasing Lupin—but it certainly wasn’t his favorite method of motion. Jigen and Goemon led the way, Zenigata put on a burst of speed and caught up to Toshiko leaving Lupin and Fujiko to bring up the rear.

The opening Goemon saw was almost immediately visible just ahead. Sunlight hit the water, casting a warm welcoming beam of light through the murky green water. Zenigata felt his chest began to clench and his lungs begin to burn. He glanced over at Toshiko and saw a likewise feeling in her expression.

Suddenly from up ahead Zenigata watched one of the giant crocodiles from before shoot out from the depths and spear Jigen in the gut, lifting him upwards in a stream of bubbles. The inspector reached out and grabbed Toshiko and pulled her to him as another narrowly missed hitting her. He glanced behind him and saw Lupin suffer the same fate, but Lupin was almost ready. The thief dodged just enough to wrap his arms around the crocodile’s mouth and squeeze. Zenigata could see the creature shaking his head violently as it continued to push them upwards.

Goemon turned his attention downward and relaxed some of the hold he had on his façade. As the crocodile rocketed towards him he was ready. He lashed out with a large, clawed hand and slapped the crocodile in the side of the face. As the beast turned to retreat and try again the oni surged forward and dug his claws into the scaled hide and drifted into the depths clawing into the crocodile.

Zenigata fumbled for the gun regularly in his holster only to find it was missing. He was still patting himself down when Toshiko suddenly kicked him in the side. The impact was just enough to push them apart and permit yet another crocodile to shoot up between them.

Fujiko snarled and almost immediately released her hold on her feminine figure. She roared into the water and filled the area full of bubbles. The crocodile aiming for her continued through the distraction and right into her waiting jaws. She clamped down on it and was carted off into the distance.

Zenigata suddenly remembered he couldn’t breathe and panic set in. He covered his mouth with his hands—as if his body needed another reminder not to breathe in the water—and turned towards the light in the distance. He could see Toshiko kicking and swimming frantically just ahead of him. Neither of them were strong enough swimmers to make the trip easier for the other so he had to trust she could make it alone and devoted himself to the task at hand.

He broke the surface and gasped, sucking in half a lung-full of air before he was hit with a small wave. He coughed and shook his head as he treaded water. He took a quick second to look around and found he had surfaced in a large body of water with the hills of Transylvania looming in the far distance.

“Toshiko!” He shouted suddenly, spinning in circles as he tried searching the waves for her. “TOSHIKO!”

“H-here!” Toshiko coughed, still trying to clear her lungs. She lifted a hand into the air and waved. She fell into another coughing fit as Zenigata sped towards her. He grabbed her face in both hands and smoothed some hair out of her face.

“You’re ok?”

“Ye-yeah.”

“CRAP that STINGS!” Lupin shouted as he surfaced nearby, spitting out a mouthful of water.

“Freakin’ crocodiles man, if I wanted giant killer reptiles I’d have gone to Australia!” Jigen agreed as he popped up not too far from the rest of them. They moved in towards Zenigata and Toshiko.

“I’ve had it with this place damnit,” the gunman continued griping, sounding winded, “and I never wanna see another cave as long as I live.”

“Hey, anybody see Goemon and Fujiko?” Lupin asked quickly, turning around in a small circle. The other three did the same, frowning.

“Goemon!” Jigen shouted.

“Fujiko!” Lupin echoed.

“Crap! They must still be down there!” Jigen hissed. He and Lupin took deep breaths and dived. 

Zenigata turned to look at Toshiko. They continued to tread water for a second before she shrugged. Zenigata cracked a little smile. They sucked in a breath and headed back down. The water was murky and it was hard to see but a few feet away even with the added sunlight at their backs. The inspector could see Lupin and Jigen turning in circles.

A shimmer in the distance made Zenigata turn and as he stared at the shadows, narrowing his eyes against the cold water, he saw two figures start to take form. He turned and grabbed Lupin’s shoulder, pointing to the emerging duo. Lupin nodded vigorously and soon the four were watching Goemon and Fujiko ascend with something like relief. 

Lupin frowned a little deeper as Goemon got closer. Either the samurai was swimming in an odd stroke or he was trying to signal something. His hands kept waving in a strange way but as he was swimming too it was incredibly hard to tell what he was trying to convey. Lupin tilted his head to the side.

Goemon and Fujiko were suddenly back lit as a gigantic, emerald green eye popped open under them. The pupil narrowed in and the light intensified. Lupin, Jigen, Toshiko and Zenigata stared in disbelief as the very bottom of the depths seemed to turn and move and two more eyes opened with the same brilliant green glow. A fourth was squeezed shut so that only a sliver of light emerged. 

Goemon and Fujiko zipped through the stunned group and a second later they all swam madly for the surface again.

“I was trying to tell you—” Goemon shouted.

“Crap, crap, crap,” Lupin moaned.

“What the freakin’ hell is that thing!” Jigen hissed.

“Goemon had to go and piss it off by cutting out an eye!” Fujiko splashed at the other oni.

“We need to get out of here, now!” Toshiko tried to reason, starting to swim forward. Zenigata was right behind her. His forward motion was stopped suddenly as Lupin grabbed the back of his shirt.

“Wait—wait for the breach!” Lupin panted.

Zenigata stared at Lupin like he was crazy, listening as Toshiko stopped swimming forward.

“You just have to trust me,” Lupin continued, meeting Zenigata’s eyes with a stark sincerity. Zenigata nodded slowly and turned to reach out for Toshiko.

A breath later the snout of a huge creature breached the surface of the water. It towered into the air, easily fifteen feet and kept going. Zenigata tried to keep his heart in his body and could not understand why Goemon, Jigen, Lupin and Fujiko were so relaxed. Then, as the wave from the breach headed towards them, he saw Goemon turn and spread his arms wide. 

The oni seemed to lift out of the water just a little above what should have been natural and the breach wave continued forward, growing in height. As it sped towards them Zenigata watched as Fujiko, Lupin and Jigen seemed to be picked up by the wave. He closed his eyes and braced himself as the curve of the water swallowed over himself and Toshiko… and it was gentle, like being swaddled and pushed on a swing.

As Zenigata slowly opened his eyes and glanced around he could hear Toshiko laughing. He turned and found her slowly rising out of the water on her feet next to Fujiko, who seemed to be surfing on the water itself. The woman thief wrapped hand around Toshiko’s waist to steady her.

“Well pops?” 

Zenigata turned his head to find Lupin holding a hand down to him. The infamous criminal was also riding the wave like a surfboard, smiling with closed eyes down at the inspector. Jigen was curled towards the curve of the wave but also mostly upright. Goemon himself was at the head of the wave, submerged to the hip with his hands invisible beneath the foam.

Zenigata made a soft noise of something like wonder and took Lupin’s hand. He was hoisted to his feet, unsteady at first, and then as if there was solid ground beneath him. He laughed at the absurdity of it all. They made a strange sight, surfing on nothing as the gigantic beast moaned at the missed meal behind them, sinking back into the depths.

As they neared the deserted shoreline the wave began to lose its power and the water began to feel like water once more. Just before being swallowed in the current the group was deposited on the sandy beach. None of them save Goemon managed to do so with any kind of grace, and all but the samurai ended up wet and covered in sand on their asses. Immediately they all began laughing. It was the kind of laugh shared with death is cheated—the kind of laugh when something happens that is so completely unreal that nothing moving forward will be the same and so all that is left to do in the present is laugh.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three, two, one...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> This chapter has no specific theme! It's also short.

The group spent another few moments appreciating life on the beach before reality slowly started to creep in. For the overwhelming majority of them the reality was…

“Ow,” Jigen mumbled, flopping back into the sand.

“You said it,” Zenigata agreed, rubbing at his tender shoulder with a wince.

“What are we going to do about Mary?” Toshiko said quietly, seated near the lapping shore with Fujiko.

“Aw crap,” Lupin grumbled, “I guess in all the excitement I forgot all about her.”

“I still don’t get it—she just wanted what? An army of monsters or something?” Jigen piped up from where he still reclined, Goemon nodded silently from nearby.

“I wish I could have seen it coming,” Toshiko said as she stood and tried in vain to brush the sand off her still very wet clothing. “She and I went to college together but I only ever knew her as Maiko Vonegeil. She was a smart, sad girl who really just missed her father.”

“You know that might still be who she was, deep down,” Fujiko offered almost softly, “sometimes you can mask the pain but a mask only covers the face, y’know?”

“That is very deep,” Goemon offered with a single open eye, “and very astute.”

“So she was trying to win back her father’s honor from beyond the grave?” Jigen continued, barely holding in a yawn.

“I think trying to restore the honor of her ancestors was something her father would have been proud of,” Goemon offered, “or at least she believed so.”

“That’s… that’s just sad,” Zenigata sighed, standing with some difficulty. “Y’know, Lupin, considering everything I think I can probably look the other way this one time.”

“Aw pops! You mean it?” Lupin purred, jumping up and running towards the inspector with open arms. 

“Hey! Don’t get any crazy ideas!” Zenigata stepped back, “it’s a limited time offer too so, don’t make me wait.”

“Of course—sure, sure,” Lupin held up his hands and backed away slowly, “you heard the guy folks, let’s get going. We got a lot to—”

“Nobody… leaves.”

The whole group turned—Jigen sitting up—and gasped as Mary’s voice—hoarse and jagged as the crevice she’d fallen in—met their ears. She stood a little further up the beach, looking worse for the wear. She had certainly had a harder time getting out of the cavern than the group and that was quite a feat. Her face was battered, bruised and bleeding but it was the snarl on her lips that made her look the most desperate. She had a large gun leveled at the group.

“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” Jigen grumbled, “what do we have to do to get rid of you?”

“I’m… I’m a Hellsing,” Mary said defiantly, “I can’t be beaten by the likes of monsters like you.”

Lupin lifted a hand to his chest in mock offense. Goemon and Jigen stood slowly and Mary’s aim turned to them, then to Fujiko as the woman gained her feet as well.

“Stop moving!” Mary shouted, her voice breaking as her arms shook, “get your hands up or I’ll shoot!”

“Now, now Mary,” Zenigata said calmly as he took a step forward, “let’s think about this for a second, all right?”

“Think about what?” Mary growled as she cocked the gun.

“You’re tired and under a lot of stress. It can’t be easy overseeing a big museum opening like this, all on your own,” Zenigata continued and slowly took another few steps forward.

Mary’s gaze turned a little wild and the gun bounced from Zenigata to Toshiko to Jigen and back, hitting everyone in between. Her legs shivered and threatened to give out on her. Zenigata continued forward at a slow, even pace, his hands up and visible.

“I think some calls made on poor judgement can be… understood under such stress. You’re tired—I think some sleep is gonna make you feel like a whole new person,” Zenigata was now almost within arms reach of Mary. She slowly turned the gun to him, pointing at his chest.

Toshiko made a small noise and started to move forward. Fujiko immediately reached out and grabbed her wrist to halt her.

“Give me the gun, Mary,” Zenigata said calmly, lowering his hand painfully slow and extending it towards her, “let’s just step back and think.”

Mary glanced up and met the inspector’s eyes. Tears started to well up and her body started to shake. She slowly let the gun slip from her hand and covered her face. Zenigata let the gun fall into the sand. Instead he took a few more steps forward and wrapped his arms carefully around Mary, pulling her into a tight embrace.

Lupin felt his heart thud in his chest at the display. They could hear Mary sobbing from the distance between them, punctuated by tiny ‘shhh’s from Zenigata. The thief put a hand over his heart and smiled down at the sand like they were sharing a secret. He glanced up at Zenigata’s back and felt a small pang.

“I’m sorry,” Mary whispered as she reached up to touch the spider broach at her neck.

“Hmm?” Zenigata muttered, looking down at her, “uh—for what?”

“This.”

Lupin and Fujiko ran forward to grab Toshiko as Mary detonated the bomb at her throat. The shore was instantly engulfed in fire and smoke—the ringing in their ears subsiding to Toshiko screaming for her father.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Th-that's all folks! 
> 
> Ok I have an epilogue chapter coming but this is the end of the story! Thank you so much for all the kudos, comments and hits!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> Enjoy this chapter with a nice side of Dead Moon.

“You. Are. Cheating,” Goemon hissed, staring at the cards in his hand as Jigen laughed.

“I am not!” The gunman snorted between bouts of laughter, “you just suck at this game.”

Goemon reached for his sword.

“It doesn’t matter who’s cheating,” Fujiko purred, “because I win,” she laid her hand on the table to overshadow Jigen’s. Both men gasped and leaned forward.

“Oh c’mon now! If I’m cheating then she definitely is,” Jigen pointed to Fujiko’s cards and glared at Goemon.

“How dare you accuse me of something so underhanded,” Fujiko crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Trust me, Fujiko, of all the things I’ve accused you of this is the least offensive.”

“You guys maybe wanna keep it down or something?” Lupin mumbled, half-asleep as he stumbled into the room. He rubbed at his eyes and yawned, “he up yet?”

Jigen frowned and turned to look at Lupin from over the back of the couch. He shook his head.

“Nah, still out like a light. Doc says it’s just a matter of time though,” Jigen jerked his thumb towards an adjoining second bedroom, “Toshiko’s in there now.”

Lupin nodded but paused before he entered the room. He walked around the table to get a good look at the cards, tapping his chin curiously. He suddenly lunged forward and shoved his hand into the opening in Goemon’s haori.

“Hey!”

“Well looky here,” Lupin snickered, pulling three cards out of Goemon’s wraps and tossing them onto the table.

“Goemon!”

“It is not what it looks like. Lupin had them in his sleeves!”

“The man just woke up,” Jigen snarled.

Lupin, still giggling, let himself into the back bedroom. The mood sobered instantly as he closed the door behind him. The lights were off but a large set of windows gave enough of a gold glow to see. Toshiko was sleeping bent over at the foot of a bed, still in the same clothes she’d borrowed from Fujiko. Her position didn’t look comfortable at all. 

Lupin walked over and gently scooped her up. She barely made a sound, curling towards him just a little as he carried her over to the small couch against the wall. He gently laid her down and pulled off a blanket to cover her. 

He turned back to the bed and frowned. Zenigata was wrapped almost head-to-toe, and some staining had shown up even after his last bandage change. He had a rather impressive star-shaped scar on his upper right cheek, right underneath a pretty showy black eye. 

Lupin picked up the chair Toshiko had been sitting in and moved it a little closer to the head of the bed. He sat down and leaned forward, resting his wrists on the bed. He watched Zenigata’s chest rise and fall.

“Y’know you can wake up any minute now, Pops,” Lupin said quietly, “we’re all real worried. You got us,” glancing momentarily to Toshiko, Lupin reached out and took hold of Zenigata’s hand. He clasped it gently between both of his own, “it’s not every day I just spill my whole life story for somebody, yanno? Least of all the guy who’s spent his who life chasing me down with the explicit intent of throwing me behind bars.” 

Lupin gasped as the hand in his own twitched a little, and then tightened.

“Lu-pin?” Zenigata whispered hoarsely. Lupin leaned a little closer, standing up out of the chair. 

“I’m right here, Zenigata, what is it?”

“I—I—” Zenigata slowly cracked his eyes open. Then immediately broke into a huge grin, laughing. Lupin jerked upright as Toshiko started giggling as well. 

“Wh—what—” Lupin looked from one to the other as Toshiko sat up, still laughing.

“Gotchya!” Zenigata announced, wincing afterwards and sitting up just slightly. Lupin stared for a second longer before collapsing back into the chair in defeat and holding up his hands.

“All right, all right—Good one,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Y’know we almost lost you a couple of times back there, pops.” 

“It’ll take more than that to put me down, Lupin, you outta know that,” Zenigata said—his voice still decidedly hoarse and tired. Toshiko walked over and stood opposite where Lupin sat.

“He’s on strict bedrest for a while,” Toshiko lectured, more for Zenigata’s benefit than Lupin’s it seemed, “he’s not allowed to get up or do anything more strenuous than going to the bathroom.”

“Yikes! I guess that means a liquid diet huh,” Lupin laughed, watching Zenigata roll his eyes.

Toshiko patted her father on the shoulder gently as her phone rang. She glanced at the screen and then held it up and wiggled it slightly—gaining nods from both Lupin and Zenigata as she excused herself.

“Alone at last,” Lupin purred.

“Don’t try anything funny,” Zenigata jumped, “you heard the doctor’s orders. I’d be on you in a hot second if it weren’t for the room spinin’ and crap.”

“Kinky,” Lupin tilted his head to the side.

“You know what I mean,” Zenigata tried to raise his voice but it sounded painfully strained.

“Now, now, take it easy,” Lupin urged, leaning forward again. He began playing with the blankets nervously, “I really was worried you were a goner. I don’t know what I would have done.”

“Huh? What’re you getting’ at?” Zenigata tilted his head groggily, “I thought gettin’ me outta the picture was the whole point.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, you make this all worthwhile,” Lupin glanced down at his own hands, “stealing stuff isn’t half as fun when I know you’re not there to try and catch me. I mean… if we lost you I may have to give the whole thing up.”

“Are you—are you sayin’ that if I died you’d turn yourself in?”

“Well, maybe.”

“Ah, crap,” Zenigata paused and then both men started laughing. Zenigata’s outburst was cut short as he put a hand over his chest. Lupin looked a few seconds away from doing the same and the inspector frowned at a sudden heat in his cheeks.

“Er, listen, Lupin,” Zenigata cleared his throat, “things are gonna have to change between us know, you know that right?”

“Yeah,” Lupin sounded impossibly sad. 

“I’m not sure where exactly that puts us but—but I know it’s not where we were before,” Zenigata sighed, “I’m not sure I really had a-a point to this but, I dunno, I just felt like I needed to say it.”

“I think I understand, pops,” Lupin grinned and put his hand over Zenigata’s. There was another pause where neither were quite sure what to do or say next. Zenigata’s mind was still a little too drugged to make sense of anything that had transpired over the past few days, and Lupin was still loathing the idea of splitting the adjacent path he’d run with Zenigata for so long.

Zenigata found himself concentrating on the feeling of Lupin’s hand over his own. He turned his thumb to press against the back of Lupin’s knuckle. He glanced up and found Lupin look at him, a strange expression on the thief’s face. Zenigata knitted his eyebrows together.

The bedroom door opened and Lupin jumped to his feet and backwards like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Toshiko held open the door and smiled a little apologetically.

“I’m sorry to barge in like this but,” she turned to look as a very tall figure walked into the room.

Lupin’s eyebrows lifted and Zenigata too found himself staring. The woman who stepped into the room did so as if she sucked all the air out in front of her. She was a towering, slender figure with dark skin. Her slight curves were accentuated by a gray/blue jumpsuit belted just above her hips, and an orange jacket worn open on her broad shoulders, lined in black velvet. Her head was shaved almost bald and her eyes were lined in gold.

“Gentlemen,” she purred in a voice silken as her velvet lined coat.

“This is Ms.Gold,” Toshiko introduced, “my supervisor.”

“Your—” Lupin and Zenigata shared nervous looks as Ms.Gold glanced around the room curiously. She eventually lifted a hand to calm them.

“Please, relax,” she sounded simultaneously amused and nonchalant, “I have only come to thank you for your help with this unfortunate situation.”

“You mean with—”

“I do,” Ms.Gold interrupted, smiling, “Ms.Zenigata tells me things would have not turned out so well if it were not for you, Mr. Inspector.”

Zenigata frowned a little, a blush on his cheeks. He rubbed at his neck gingerly.

“I uh—well thanks, I kinda feel like shit hit the fan there at the end.”

“You mean with Ms.Van Hellsing? Sad, that, but I am told you were quite heroic.”

“That’s our Zenigata,” Lupin chuckled from the corner where he’d moved himself.

“Yes, well, I’m glad to hear you are recovering,” Ms.Gold moved a little closer and her eyes wandered over Lupin for a second. She smirked in a way that told the thief she knew a little too much. In fact as Lupin glanced at her jacket he could have sworn he saw a second pair of arms hidden within the velvet.

“I am here to make you an offer, Inspector,” Ms.Gold said at last, reaching into the pocket of her jumpsuit and pulling out a business card, “our little agency is still new—and like a child we must learn to crawl before we can walk. While we are still clearing away the dust of a new project we have come to realize we may be woefully ill-equipped to handle certain… legalities and protocols. For that we need a dedicated and well knowledgeable individual. Considering your current predicament we knew you would be perfect for the job.”

“My current predicament?” Zenigata said curiously as he took the card.

“Oh dear,” Ms.Gold glanced over her shoulder at Toshiko, “you haven’t told him?”

“Uh, no, not yet,” Toshiko seemed a little embarrassed, looking away.

“It is no matter, all things in due time,” Ms.Gold turned back to Zenigata and smiled. “Think it over, would you? Take your time in getting back to us—we may be new but we are not going anywhere. You would be an invaluable asset, Mr.Zenigata, and I look forward to hearing your decision.”

Zenigata glanced over at Lupin but the thief was just as clueless. Both men turned to watch Ms.Gold leave the room. She paused at the doorway and turned to look at Lupin.

“As for you, Monsieur Lupin, surveille ton dos,” French rolled off her tongue effortlessly as she winked. Lupin jerked as if electrocuted. Toshiko shook her head slightly and followed Ms.Gold out, closing the door behind them.

Zenigata turned the card over in his hand. It was meticulous and minimal, black with gold edging. He whistled a little and offered it to Lupin as the thief meandered over. As the card passed between them their touches lingered for a second. Lupin took the chair at the head of the bed once more as he looked the card over himself.

“Mmm, fancy,” Lupin agreed.

“What’d’ya think she meant about my ‘current predicament’?” Zenigata wondered aloud. He watched as Lupin looked up sheepishly, setting the card down on the nightstand. 

“Well, uh, about that… You’re probably not gonna like this and we’d all kind of agreed not to mention it until you were a little more healed but,” Lupin tapped his fingers together nervously, “you’re dead, pops.”

Zenigata stared at Lupin blankly.

“Yanno, dead like me and Jigen?”

“WHAT!?”


	31. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SAY CHEESE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a silly little playlist on Spotify for this fic. Some chapters/characters will have specific songs as noted in these little chapter sections. Enjoy.
> 
> [ Lupin & Co Playlist ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0lmHAD0nYaYS28H6ZotLWY?si=gx0AFhfGRqGkiDmXbIXL1A)
> 
> There wasn't going to be an epilogue until I heard Alive.

The funeral for Koichi Zenigata was a short but respectful affair. It was filled mostly with officers who had worked with him most previously, a few shop keepers who had become familiar with the inspector, and of course Toshiko—his only daughter. She gave a brief speech but remained steadfast and stoic. The congregation agreed she was very brave and her father would have been proud of how she conducted herself.

Truthfully he’d hoped for a little more open weeping at his funeral, but he supposed it was good enough considering the circumstances.

Coming to grips with his new reality was easier than he feared thanks to an unexpected group of allies. After what he could almost call training with Lupin and his companions Zenigata accepted that he would just have to figure things out on his own. Of course Ms.Gold and her agency offered their help as well—once Zenigata formally signed on to their cause. Still in the beginning stages of really nailing down all the official paperwork, Zenigata was permitted the ability of selecting his own title. After a very brief deliberation he settled on Chief Inspector.

It was a humble title considering his duties would be more than just field work. In fact Ms.Gold had offered him the opportunity to run things from strictly behind-the-scenes if he wanted—a management-type situation—and he’d refused. He didn’t mind being in charge so much as he minded being sedentary. She had agreed to his terms with a coy smile that told Zenigata she’d expected it. He’d been assigned a secretary and would soon be swearing in and training the agency’s first group of field agents—one of which was his daughter.

A month into his new life—which is how he preferred to refer to it—Toshiko insisted on throwing him a retirement party. There was a local bar they had both visited during the month of adjustment and both seemed to enjoy. They’d made friends with the bar tender and knew a few locals well enough to chat with almost truths. Zenigata had invited his new secretary and Toshiko had invited the rest of their colleagues: it was still a small agency after all. 

It was an odd setting for a retirement party—and a very different atmosphere than Zenigata had ever expected for his own—but it was also sorely needed and much welcome.

Zenigata found himself seated in a circular bar near the back with a large hand-painted banner—broadly declaring HAPPY RETIREMENT KOICHI—hung over him like a beacon. He knew at one point it would have made him feel strange but couldn’t find it in him to be bothered. The dust from everything still had not settled and he found himself meandering in the No Man’s Land between dead and alive. 

Toshiko sat across from him, laughing his secretary: a tall black man by the name of Darwin who couldn’t have been much older than Toshiko herself. Zenigata smiled in a dazed kind of way, fingers cooling against the glass of his beer bottle.

“Hope we’re not interrupting anything,” a familiar voice jolted the Chief Inspector out of his haze. He lifted his eyebrows as he stared at Jigen, arm around Goemon’s shoulders, standing at the end of the booth.

“Uhh—no,” Zenigata said curiously, smiling a little.

“Well we won’t stay long,” Jigen fished into his pocket.

“We wanted to stop by and offer our congratulations on your retirement,” Goemon chuckled, indicating the banner as if Zenigata had no idea it was there.

“Oh, yeah, that—that was all Toshiko,” Zenigata jerked a thumb across the table.

“Here, Pops, this is for you,” Jigen slid a long black box down the table, “don’t worry—it’s paid for with legal tender.” The gunman and the swordsman chuckled.

Zenigata felt a strange swell of emotion as he reached out and took the gift. He carefully cracked it open and the feeling doubled. Seated in velvet was a Gurkha Black Dragon Cigar. Zenigata almost didn’t want to breathe on it too hard. He knew the only reason he wasn’t suddenly a blubbering mess was the alcohol he’d already consumed. He glanced back up at Jigen and Goemon, both of whom were still grinning. 

“I—Wow, this is—uh… You shouldn’t have.”

“Are you joking?” Goemon said.

“Yeah, man, this is a long time comin’. You’ve kept us on our toes and in shape for years, mostly at your own expense! This really is the least we can do.”

“And you promise it’s not stolen?”

“Hand to God,” Jigen said, glancing up at the ceiling.

“Of course we may not be able to say the same thing about the money which purchased it,” Goemon laughed—and surprisingly Zenigata joined him.

“Enjoy it, man, you earned it,” Jigen gave a two-fingered wave as he steered Goemon towards the dance floor.

“What is it?” Toshiko asked curiously, trying to peer around the box from across the table. Zenigata turned the box around, still a little too shocked to even speak the name aloud.

“Holy crap!” Darwin hissed immediately, adjusting his glasses and leaning further forward, “that’s a $1,000 cigar!”

“$1,150, actually,” Zenigata said breathlessly. Darwin whistled.

“And that was Jigen and Goemon?” 

“Mmhmm,” Toshiko shook her head, leaning back in the booth, “unbelievable!”

“Ye-yeah,” Zenigata laughed hoarsely, feeling tears start welling up anyway. He lovingly closed the box and slid it into his jacket pocket. The discarded outerwear was folded meticulously in the corner of the booth between Zenigata and the wall, along with his hat. 

“Darwin and I are gonna go hit the dance floor,” Toshiko said after finishing off her drink.

“We are?” Darwin said, sounding a little intimidated.

“You want to join us, dad?”

“Huh? Me? Dance?” Zenigata laughed and waved Toshiko away, “nobody here wants that! You kids go have fun.”

“Are you sure?” Toshiko asked, even as she started pushing Darwin out of the booth. Zenigata nodded and she smiled at him.

The Chief Inspector turned his head, propping it up in his chin as he watched. The dance floor was a writhing mass of bodies but somehow not even that seemed as distasteful as it once had. He was starting to wonder if everything after death was this same sort of hazy or if the fog would ever really lift. He couldn’t say it was bad but he couldn’t say it was good either. He could still feel things—good things, bad things—but it was almost like he was waiting for something.

His eyebrows knitted a little as he caught sight of the people he knew on the dance floor. Jigen and Goemon were off to the side, the samurai doing little more than a shuffle as Jigen took a more active role. Both were laughing, or at least smiling very wide. Darwin was moving solo but he was certainly moving. Zenigata had never seen anything like it but the dancers around him seemed to love it. His eyes next landed on Toshiko. Her back was to him but she was dancing quite actively with another young woman—Zenigata caught glances of delicate hands, long arms and thick brown hair.

As Toshiko spun her partner—romantically even—Zenigata nearly choked on his next sip of beer. It was none other than Fujiko Mine. The thief seemed enamored with Toshiko and the feeling appeared mutual. The Chief Inspector was a second away from leaping clear across the dance floor when the urge subsided into a warm sense of relief. Toshiko was a strong and capable young woman and she knew who Fujiko was and what she could do: If Toshiko felt safe enough to dance—er, intimately—with Fujiko then it wasn’t Zenigata’s place to step in. 

Smiling a little numbly, Zenigata settled back into his booth.

Then he saw it—a glimpse of red. His eyes unfocused on the blue mass that made up the crowd of dancers and he saw it again. It was a ruby red jewel amidst murky blue waters. The man found himself watching the red appear and disappear among and between the dancers until Lupin himself emerged near Goemon and Jigen. The thief seemed overjoyed to see them but looked more eager to talk then dance.

Zenigata felt a beat of his heart thudding in his chest, then again, and again. He felt a sweat break out and a flush hit his cheeks. He glanced at his beer and then back out at the dance floor. He was not a good dancer and he was not a bold man—not when matters like this were at hand—but maybe he’d had just enough to drink to think he was.

He was crossing to the dance floor before he really remembered making the decision to do so. The sea of people wiggling to the beat of a song Zenigata couldn’t place—but had to admit wasn’t awful—was a tough sea to part. The man felt himself bustled left and right as he tried to avoid making any direct contact with anyone. It was nearly impossible and he found himself starting to wonder if he’d made a mistake.

He stumbled forward and nearly hit the ground, a hand struck out of the crowd and helped steady him. Zenigata slowly looked up once he regained his footing to thank the owner of the hand—and found himself staring up at Lupin. The thief smiled with a slight tilt of his head, the way he always did. He pulled Zenigata forward into the small clearing at the center of the dance floor and helped him straighten up a bit.

Then Lupin started saying… something. Zenigata could see his mouth moving and knew he was hearing words—somehow over the beat of the music—but nothing was registering. In his mind the only thing registering was the thundering of his heart and the rush of blood through his body. His eyes were locked onto Lupin like a targeted missile but still hazy and unfocused all the same. 

Just as Lupin started to get worried—he’d asked Zenigata at least three questions and had received not even a blink of understanding—Zenigata reached up and placed his hands on either side of Lupin’s neck. The thief stiffened—as did Jigen, Goemon, Fujiko and Toshiko watching from afar—but made no move to wiggle free. Zenigata tightened his grip, pulled Lupin forward and kissed him.

It was deep, unabashed and public—and in spite what Toshiko thought it was not the first kiss between the Inspector and the Thief… only the first open declaration. 

Aided by the alcohol, the music, and the atmosphere of recklessness, Zenigata did many things he would never have done…

He knelt on the floor, balanced an empty beer can on his head, and barely blinked as a drunk Goemon cut it in half…

He did shots with the four people he’d spent his whole career chasing…

He cheered as his daughter arm-wrestled—and won against—a man he’d seen swallow another living being whole…

He played darts against a master marksman, and then improvised a game called ‘Don’t-Hit-Goemon’s-Hand’ when that proved too dull…

He sang karaoke with Fujiko Mine…

He posed for a picture with four wanted criminals…

And he kissed Lupin publicly at least two more times.


End file.
